vjohnson Asked August 2014
My Mom cannot afford assisted living. What do I do?
Follow
Share
I have come to the end of my rope and my mother refuses my help (I am living with her). She is not in bad enough health to go to a home but is short about $1000 a month for assisted living. I am so stuck. She has been throwing fits for days and I'm afraid if I go to work she will surely go down hill.
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
77 Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- How can I contact a consultant to answer questions regarding medical insurance?
- How much is the salary per hour in taking elders?
- I was forced to join an MMA for my Medicaid. Do I have to use the MMA doctors or do I continue using my other doctor?
- What happens to any balance on a term life ins. policy after final expenses are paid?
Ask a Question
Thanks everyone,
Carol
Chicago is a very expensive area to live. There's an assisted living facility 8 miles from me that starts at about $1,500 a month for 3 meals. Maybe you need to start making calls. The average Social Security check is $1200. If she has savings, she can make up the difference.
Also google your state's Medicaid program to see if there are any Medicaid diversion programs that will pay for AL. Now finding an AL who will take her will be the harder part in all this as most will have just a couple of beds that are diversion and they get filled from a waiting list based on current private pay residents.
Just because a person has burned out does not give them the right to accuse or attack other posters' comments. When I found this site about 2 years ago, I was passed burned out from caregiving 2 bedridden parents, clinging to my full time job because I'm not independently wealthy nor were we poor enough to qualify for the federal government's program (for housing, foodstamps, etc..) I had 7 siblings and no one stepped up when dad had his stroke and became bedridden. It was just me and my 2 bedridden parents. Mom was basically a vegetative state on oxygen, stomach tube and trache (constant suctioning every 10 minutes day/night or else she literally chokes to near death if not suctioned in time).
When I found this site, my therapist said that I was close to dying from exhaustion. I was very bitter, angry, resentful, hated my siblings, my parents, God, myself and the whole world. I already decided that I was going to kill myself as the only means to get away from caregiving.
But not once, have I ever attacked anyone here on this site. Yes, I attacked verbally against my siblings, my dad. But not to the strangers here. My bitterness/anger has nothing to do with them. Why should I attack them? So, just because one is burned out and bitter does not give them the right to criticize posters' comments if they are trying to be helpful. If you don't like it, skip it. If you think they are being hurtful, you report it. What I did was vent here all over the different threads my anger and bitterness against my family. I kept venting until I got most of it out of my system. You see, I kept it all inside of me. I'm just so glad that at the time I was venting, no one criticized me like I've been seeing all over this site. There are soooo many bitter angry people here. No thread seems to be safe anymore.
Most important of all, I just keep worrying about the newcomers. They come here seeking for help and I don't want them to be scared off by all the aggressiveness on this site. Sigh....
Our government doesn't float old people away on icebergs. If someone is destitute? They will get the very same care my mom would get in the nursing home that will charge her $9,000/month because she has it. I know this because shirt-tail family has an aunt in that very same facility. She was Medicaid from Day #1. Has been in that facility for six years. She is 101 years old. They can't say enough good things about Lexington. And, since mom rehabbed there for two months? I can't say enough good things either.
When family surrenders . . . when they say, "I can't manage anymore," there is help galore out there...AFTER that person has spent their own money. Families want to "save the home" -- "save their inheritance" -- have a low-cost place to live while they're "care-taking" their loved one -- who don't EVER want to see them spend what they've saved all their lives to accumulate?
Those people are their own worst enemies. Money is NOT the problem. Trying to hang ON to it is the problem.
My "family" is my cousin. She comes over once a week and calls every day. My friends? They Facebook me for updates. One, busy earning a living and caring for her own disabled son, and once a month for 3 hours, we get together for dinner with two other of my friends. I never see them otherwise. Those people, and Tom, my partner for 14 years give me my hugs and support. Not exactly a long line. But enough.
You want to throw stones. Okay, I'll play catch with you.
Why are you spending your life savings caring for your parent? Just what kind of care does this parent need that comes out of your pocket? Medicare and a supplement pays for every single thing for my mom. She did work, though. So her Social Security check is the national average of about $1200 a month. After her Medicare and supplement premiums, she has $750 left -- includes a Part D drug program, too. She pays for nothing. Until a year ago when she moved in with me, she got the best medical care on the planet from Loyola University Hospital. Didn't cost her a dime,
What's it costing you? What have you spent your life savings paying for? Why are you different?
And lastly, a repeat of the post you were responding to:
"Our government doesn't float old people away on icebergs. If someone is destitute? They will get the very same care my mom would get in the nursing home that will charge her $9,000/month because she has it. I know this because shirt-tail family has an aunt in that very same facility. She was Medicaid from Day #1. Has been in that facility for six years. She is 101 years old. They can't say enough good things about Lexington. And, since mom rehabbed there for two months? I can't say enough good things either."
Now. If you expect to stay home from work, have your mom pay for the roof over both of your heads and the food you eat in exchange for your care-giving? Then I understand the problem. And it's not the system.
I refuse to believe your state has snake-pit nursing homes. What state? I'll do some homework, 'cause I'm betting you haven't. My money's on you don't want mom in a nursing home because you lose your place to live.
If the care you've witnessed isn't stellar? Well, it's not going to be stellar. That's where you, as her advocate, come in.
And speaking of helping others...where's your OWN contribution beyond attacking those who offer well-meaning suggestions?
I live a blessed life. But the resources I mentioned, Meals on Wheels, a cleaning lady to come in twice a month for $28, a snow shoveller for $15 or $20 a time, a $1000 stipend for companion care . . . those are available to anyone, means or not. Senior apartments available for around $800/month in terrific neighborhoods. Walk to everything. Many MORE services available that mom doesn't get because of her assets. You've got them, too. Give me your state and maybe I'll have a look for them.
I don't know your back story. Haven't been around long enough.
I can't even imagine why you sign on except to disrupt the forum and take your anger out on a bunch of OTHER caregivers who're doing the best they can with what they have or don't have. Such is not the case with you.
See All Answers