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Neither of us have the money for care person to help. Any suggestions?

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Thanks all:  We'll look in to Visiting Angels and see if we can get a price est. on someone doing errands once a week.   She's very headstrong and still insists on independence.  No one in our small family can afford assisted living for her.   CA is a horrible place to retire and live out your days if you didn't financially plan for elder years.
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DotyDoty, Spoke a bit with Geaton and sure am rethinking my advice about trying to find Mom help just everywhere. Looks like more bad actors out there than I figured or considered and they know just where to post. Looks like I am changing just about every word I said in light of what I heard. You need good references and solid, too, or Mom is in more harms way likely than she might be behind the wheel. Thought my experience with THAT is first hand, and wow, what a mess.
Anyway, consider me corrected, because you cannot let your Mom who is perhaps beginning to see some impairment be prey to predators, and apparently there are a good many out there.
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DotyDoty, since your mom has failed the tests, I'm assuming that means she is not driving at all (since she wouldn't have a valid license)? I'm also assuming that you don't live near her, and even if you did you couldn't take up all her driving needs... but are you familiar with any of her neighbors? Or friends? Or anyone from her place of worship? Are there any other relatives who live near her? I would personally contact any of these people first and arrange for them to take her to her hair or medical appointments. They would need to really understand her level of mental functionality. Or, you could hire a service, like Visiting Angels, which can provide a companion to both keep her company and drive her on errands. I've done this with my 2 very senior aunties with great success.

There was elder financial abuse that occurred in my family. Seeking help by putting your info out there is public is an open invitation to predators. This is exactly how the predator found my relative. The predator took our LO for literally everything and left him penniless because his PoA, my cousin, was naive. There are so many professional predators looking for unsuspecting victims, it makes me sick, especially since this abuse can be avoided. In our case it was a very "lovely" woman who seemed totally above suspicion who answered my cousin's ad that she hung on a board at the grocery store. The predators know exactly what they are doing and who to look for. In my opinion it is just not worth this risk. I realize finding alternate modes of transportation is time-consuming and not always easy. That's why I'm recommending a vetted service that has accountability, or people you know pretty well. Also, I give my aunts' neighbors, who take them to their medical appointments, a gift card to their favorite restaurant so that they can all stop and have lunch or dinner on the way back. Good luck!
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AlvaDeer Sep 2019
After "talking" online with you I think my advice was dead on WRONG. You are right, Geaton. There is no way, without solid references checked out that Mom should be in the hands of people who are not known. That would leave her prey to the predators and apparently there are MORE THAN A FEW.
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My brother entered assisted living for this reason. He actually continued to drive when he should not have because he lives in hot area with almost no transit. And had a terrible accident that did HIM injury and luckily not others. Demolished the car and he gave up his license. My advice would be that your Mom no longer drive, but it is a tough one.
Are you near her? Are you able to help with shopping and appointments? Are there car services nearby? Often they become cheaper for people who use them more if you do it person to person.
My brother feels he is "not a fit for Assisted Living" and now plans to try to go home and see how it goes. He will have to access help, and it will be costly, but will come nowhere near the cost of Assisted Living. If your mother does not have dementia she may be a poor fit for assisted living, as well; my bro feels often as though he is helping so many others that he is a "caregiver". It is also more social activity than he is used to. I tease him almost like a commune of our hippie old days complete to weekly meetings and little bickers.
You are now forced to explore what is out there. Go everywhere. Ask at MD office, Social Workers, Community Organizations, Churches, bulletin boards, ads in papers, at libraries, literally EVERYWHERE you can think of. Make up a card with your number. See someone doing baby sitting work, gardening, ask if they have any family member who will be paid hourly to take Mom shopping, and etc. Good luck. Let us know how you progress.
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