Memory care or retirement home?

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Memory care or retirement home?

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Hi everyone! My mom is still in the early stage of Alzheimer's so she can still live independently. However, I am still not comfortable with the idea of her living alone since I live a few hours away from her. I was thinking of moving her to memory care, but she refused since she could still do chores and other things on her own and suggested a retirement home instead. I know the difference between long term care and retirement home since I read it in an article on the Seasons Retirement website. However, even if she's still independent, I think moving her into memory care is the best option since she'll get the care she needs. Or is it too early to move her into memory care? Is it better to move her into a retirement home first? Any advice?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Long-distance Caregiving Memory Care Retirement Communities

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I’d look for a place that offers options as care needs grow. My mother’s nursing home had independent apartments, assisted living, memory care, and the nursing home. People moved between them based on need

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How functional is she? Some people are really good at faking it, so you may want to try to get her cognitively assessed so you can get an opinion on whether she is fine with being able to come and go from the facility on her own.

I think the retirement homes in the article are more for people with an active lifestyle, providing amenities rather than support.

My aunt was having trouble being alone in her condo so we helped her find a nice independent living place. It was a one bedroom unit that offered a nice variety of support features including meals, linen service, medic alert pulls and pendant, wireless internet and cable, scheduled shuttle service and group activities. No caregiving was included but individuals could hire their own and the staff were a reassuring presence. The unit had a small kitchenette, mostly for snacks or preprepared meals, and the on site laundry rooms were complimentary. For a while, dropping in with the echo show device was good enough for medication reminders and she made friends there. Then caregiver visits were needed.

When she got worse, she moved to a studio unit in memory care, where she was safe but not happy, because she couldn’t come and go freely. They would have moved her to Medicaid if necessary after a period of self pay, but it wasn’t necessary.

Are there any facilities nearby that offer the continuum from independent living through assisted living and memory care on the same campus?

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Memory Care is the last resort; wait until her dementia is quite advanced before you place her in that environment. Assisted Living is your best option at this point *I have no idea what a 'retirement home' is, quite honestly* Assisted Living will offer her care options IF she needs them, and not if she doesn't. Help is there on an as needed basis. Meals are served in the dining room, activities offered, mini bus on site etc. I would not offer her Independent Living as I would not offer ANY senior with ANY level of dementia or Alzheimer's at play Independent Living b/c they ALL need SOME services available to them, and monitoring for when things slide downhill. AL will give you that. It would be best if the AL you choose also has Memory Care available so if/when she needs it, she can segue into that level of care.

Best of luck.

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Personally I would move her to assisted living where they also have a memory care unit on site. We did it for my mom..she LIKES it!!! The building has gorgeous surroundings, good food and the services she needs. My mom agrees if she gets deep in dementia she will move into their memory care. The unit is in her building so she knows it will be a safe place. She trusts I will do the right thing. Educate her.

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May I ask …Where ? I am looking for a future place for myself … have seen 3 … one in FL and 2 in NY. The place where your mother is sounds like a good one.

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You could start her in an AL , make sure they have a memory care and will take Medicaid in future. My question is , will she fight it when she needs to be moved ? Will there be openings? Will a move cause quicker decline? Truth.. I would go with a memory care… I think the multiple moves is difficult.

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Rabdom question. What exactly is a "retirement home"? Is is it synonymous with Independent Living? Or with Skilled Nursing Facility?

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Strangely, the original post has been edited to remove the the link to the article, which if I recall correctly, described retirement homes that I would label as active living communities, not long term care at all.

They listed amenities including golf and other activities. So, something like a 55+ Del Webb community where they highlight home features like spa bath, entertainment space, and specialty kitchen storage.

https://www.delwebb.com/Design/Life-Zones

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As a nurse, it sounds like it is too early for memory care. She needs assisted living or a senior apartment. There are senior communities that can "phase" your mom to the level of care as she needs it.

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She is not ready for Memory care. I would start with IL into an AL.

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My mother lived in a 'continuing care' facility, where she started in independent living, then moved to assisted living/memory care in another wing, and in her final weeks moved to skilled nursing. It worked out very well for her. The facility also had an insurance policy that kept the monthly fee stable, except for cost of living increases. She had to pay extra for the insurance, but it was worth it because she didn't have long-term home care insurance. It worked out well for my mother; she used every unit in the facility. She had dementia but wasn't aware that she had it. The social worker at the facility is the one who notified me that it was time for my mother to move to assisted living/memory care. She was not totally happy about moving, but in time she adjusted to it as her abilities declined. Have the discussion with your mother about what she wants if her health declines to a point where she is no longer able to care for herself. Would she want in-home caregivers, or would she be OK with moving to an assisted living/memory care facility? Much will depend on her finances. Get connected with a local social worker who can help advise on her options. While she is still able to sign legal documents make sure that all of her paperwork is in order. She needs to set up powers of attorney for medical and financial matters, have a living will with her advance medical directives and a will, if she has assets. I was my mother's POAs (only child) and my mother made me joint owner of all of her accounts and also we got a credit card on her account with my name on it so that I could make purchases for her. It made things much easier. I took over her finances when I saw that she was no longer making out checks properly. I had all of her bills and statements sent to my address. If she moves to a facility, don't have any valuables in her apartment, and she should have no financial statements or financial information in her apartment. Even if she has in-home caregivers, lock up or remove the valuables and financial documents. When she moves, try to downsize her as much as possible to mostly utilitarian things that she'll actually be using. No need to take all of her books, kitchen items for special events, clothes that she hasn't worn in years, etc. All the best to you both!

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Excellent advice--regarding placement, paperwork, and caregiving!! The benefit of doing this in stages is that your mother becomes comfortable with the facility and makes friends with staff and other residents. This is invaluable because as the disease progresses, change becomes incredibly difficult. The staff also becomes familiar with you.

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Move her to assisted living now. My Mum in early dementia moved from her house to independent living. It only lasted three years and should have been far less. I feel if she went to Assisted living she would have had all her meals ( she lost weight while in IL), she would have gotten used to the activities and made friends and been able to function longer. As it was she didn't make friends locked away in-her apartment, was rapidly moved through assisted living (she couldn’t adjust anymore) and ended up in MC possibly a bit too early. Then Covid shut down everything and it’s been a disaster since then.
She can’t use these but The place where she is now at actually has dementia homes! People in early dementia move in, think they are living independently but they are closely monitored. So, as their skills slip with cooking, eating, cleaning, etc care is provided until they have to move to long term care. Maybe there is something like this in your area? They are provided by Shepherds Care Foundation. In Canada.

Memory care or retirement home?

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