Hello, I recently learned that one of my siblings (Power of Attorney) has taken the proceeds from the sale of my mother's house. My mother relocated to a nursing home about two years prior to when her house was sold. My brother did not inform me or my other 4 siblings about selling the property. A trust account for my mother's assets was never established. My brother has filed his own personal bankruptcy and now tells us that all the money from the sale of our mother's house has been spent, over $200,000 net. Medicaid has suspended my mother's payments since proceeds were never reported by my brother. The nursing home says she will need to be released if payment (approximately $30,000) isn't paid next week. My mother is in her 90's. My Power-of-Attorney brother has mis-managed her estate and is now asking to me and our other siblings) to fix the issue. Except for one other sibling, we are all located out of state. It would be dangerous for my mother to be released now. Can the nursing home release my mother in her current condition? Can they sue the family, and/or bring lawsuit against my brother (with Power of Attorney) though he has filed bankruptcy? Thank you for your feedback.
This is all more challenging to manage at a physical distance. (At least it feels that way to me.) You have all been so supportive and have wonderful insight. I will be sure to let you know what develops. Thank you again.
Brother needs to be reported to police and Adult Protective Services (APS) for financial exploitation. Unfortunately, when relatives exploit most elders don't want to "get them in trouble."
Most people don't like APS, but it's necessary to work with them rather than against them to get the help you need in this matter.
He should be at the lawyer's office, trying to find a way to get the NH to accept mom at a reduced rate until this can be hammered out, not trying to save on legal fees.
I'm so sorry for your trouble.
And this isn't my brother, and it's not my mother who still has need of care and accommodation.
Do you expect him to pay the NH. Do you expect him to pay the NH.
Can't get over it.
No, I expect you to start thinking now about how you are going to REPAY the very large sums you have stolen from your mother, moron.
The thing is, what DO you do with someone who is not innately wicked or larcenous but who, in abusing the position of trust in which she placed him, has landed his elderly mother neck-deep in the umska and as a matter of plain fact committed an extremely substantial financial crime?
I suppose, you have to take all the circumstances, including other offences perhaps, into account. Everything has gone wrong, hasn't it? He seems to have experienced a domino effect.
Well, he isn't your problem. He will just have to face his own music. I'm sorry for his children but you really can't be worrying about them because you're not in a position to help them, are you?
Who is leading discussions/negotiations with the NH? If it's still POA brother, I'd say that's the issue to tackle first.
I believe that my POA brother felt his conflicts with two of our brothers gave him cause to make all decisions without consulting anyone. Particularly during the last few years, my mother fueled much of this division. But that was certainly no license for him to act as he did. He was way in over his head and wouldn't admit it.
I asked POA brother if the eldercare lawyer who took care of both of our parents' estate is aware that he (POA brother) kept the proceeds of the sale of our mother's house. He said the lawyer wasn't aware. He said he would make an appointment with the lawyer, as he felt that was a conversation that needed to take place "in-person." The same lawyer advised setting up the Qualified Income Trust several months ago; POA brother ignored his advice. He called me a few days ago, boasting that he "saved $3,000" by visiting the Social Security office and completing the application himself.
I'm still stunned. I told him a $3,000 savings for the over $200,000 he stole from our mother's estate wasn't anything to brag about and that the nursing home invoice still remains open. He then asked me if I was expecting HIM to pay the nursing home. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told him I was very angry and had to end the call. He asked me to not give up on him and that he is seeking help.
He is grandiose and self-righteous one moment then becomes full of self-pity and begins crying saying (over and over) how badly he messed up. I do suspect various addiction issues with both him and his wife. He claims he didn't know he was doing something wrong. I don't believe him and feel he is in deep denial about his dishonest actions.
I am going to contact our older brother to discuss contacting the eldercare lawyer ourselves. He, along with me, are the only two siblings that still speak with POA brother. The other three brothers had a great falling out with POA brother years ago. Older brother wants to help POA brother but doesn't want to end up in the middle of a legal mess himself. POA brother asked me to "take over" for him as POA, as he no longer feels he is capable! I refused.
POA brother has children; One has serious medical problems and special needs. His wife is unemployed, has issues with alcohol and has also amassed huge credit card debt It's a mess on all fronts. I am heartbroken about what he's done, and it hurts to think about bringing up criminal charges on him.
We have never been a close-knit family, yet none of my siblings live such dramatic lifestyles as POA brother. My own adult child is seriously angry, worried about grandmother.
I sincerely appreciate having this space to vent my feelings. Thank you all for your kind and informed suggestions.
now, having said all that, concern regarding mil, with property being already divided among children but with a life estate for her, but with some of them wanting to sell, but POA, which not sure has to be invoked yet even with mil having dementia dx but wanted nothing to do with anything even before, saying lawyer says can't be done; don't really think exactly true, but think is concern regarding value of life estate and proceeds for mom's care, that POA's concerned re this exact type situation, not sure if anybody's prepared to finance mom's care - point of why wanting to sell in the first place, somewhat like brother here
#1 Hire an elder law attorney NOW.
#2 Call APS NOW.
#3 Something is MAJORLY amiss with the brother. Something's fishy to say the least!! "Sibs are supposed to fix it?" I think NOT.
Legally? Probably. But where will your mother go? Her home was sold.
ELDER ATTORNEY time.
It sounds like he is the one that your mother "trusts" & who she made POA---that is her error & her problem. Entrusting a son that is untrustworthy with her assets & end of life wishes was her problem.
You don't have to, nor should you, do anything about this. If the nursing home contacts you, hang up the phone or don't answer or call them back. They cannot do anything to you & are only trying to get money from whoever they can. They will probably even try to threaten you (which sounds like they've already done by telling you that unless $30K is received they're going to kick her out----legally, they cannot do that if she can't take care of herself, has nowhere to go or anybody to take care of her) in order to get you to pay or at least assume responsibility for the debt.
I'd leave this to the nursing home, Medicare & Medicaid to hash out. The government will likely sue your brother for the proceeds & what is owed to the NH/Medicaid. He is currently filing for bankruptcy, but that won't last forever. Even if his current debts are discharged in the bankruptcy, he is still allowed to keep certain assets, which the government will place a lien on, so he won't be able to sell his house or car or keep more than a couple thousand dollars in cash. He must have some type of income---the government will also go after whatever income he has until the debt is paid off. And that could take years. Don't get involved in it---let him figure it out. He thinks he is so smart by filing for bankruptcy so he doesn't have to pay the NH debt, but he's not. One thing that is for sure---the government will get its money.
Also, ASP will likely get involved no matter what you do, so don't worry about trying to spare him anything in your decision making.
Be careful here. You say there is one sibling in state. Do NOT let that sibling have to take care of your mother. And don't any of the rest of you quit a job to come take care of your mother.
It's all on your POA brother -- HE made the mistakes.
And there’s actually quite a lot of these but finding them will be sticky. Most cpa firms I’ve found don’t do this. But who would use them would be the more pit bull divorce attys. Ask your elder law atty as to who they know.
NH may try to release mom to family’s care. But if everybody’s out of state, but the worthless DPOA, NH may take the ward of the state approach.
I’d like to echo Kimber’s post.... at my mom’s first NH a lady across the hall from mom became a ward of the state. What happened was that she went onto Medicaid but kept her home (allowed as an exempt asset); dpoa son (a real ahole imo & clueless on dealing with staff... always demanding stuff) sold house and pocketed the $; the transfer surfaced to the penny as it’s tax assessor info that dovetails into state database; Sonny ignored Medicaid letters and multiple NH 30 Day Notices from NH. One day when I was visiting mom, huge commotion with Sonny as he arrived to visit only to find mom GONE! As now she was a ward of the state and the guardian had moved her to another NH. Sonny not notified nor was the NH going to tell him where she went.... cops called. Not pretty.
I cannot imagine how beyond traumatic for the little lady, she was sweet.
The 30 day notices I’ve seen usually have it cc’d to APS, & a pro bono legal clinic. By including APS, it sets it up for them to swing in quickly to request ward of the state to be done or other actions. Judge (PC court) will sign ward orders and once that’s done stand back. You do not want to get caught up in the undertow of being involved in the financial & social irresponsibility of Brother. Guardian can ask APS to do an inquiry on Bro “taking advantage of a vulnerable adult”. It’s then criminal matter.....
There may not be documentation that he wishes to share, or (see below) is able to organise. But documentation there most certainly will be. He didn't just leave $200K in used notes sitting in a box on the kerb, did he. And failing that, there must be a paper trail to be followed.
Is he having any sort of mental health crisis? Just wondering if it genuinely is more that he can't deal with this than that he won't.
63K in closing costs?
A QIT (also termed a Miller Trust in some states is a way of qualifying for Medicaid when your INCOME (not assets) are above the Medicaid limit. So, say mom gets 3K per month in pension and SS and the Medicaid limit is 2K. 1K per month goes into the QIT; Medicaid pays for mom's care and the funds in the QIT revert to the State at mom's death.
Does mom have dementia?