Hi guys, my father has been in the ICU for three weeks this coming Sunday fighting septic shock. He’s had kidney failure, his lung collapsed, heart problems and also had a tracheotomy fitted yesterday. I’m really struggling mentally. I’ve was off work tlast week and a couple of days this week as I’m just not coping. Is this normal? I’m so stressed and everytime I go to work I feel more stressed worrying about him when I’m not with him in hospital, he’s an addict which is what has caused his sepsis from a abscess in his groin. I’m worried about losing my job and my work hasn’t been paying me since I’ve been off and I’m even more anxious about money troubles but I just don’t know what to do. Sorry it’s more of a rant than looking for advice!
Can you ask at work if they offer FMLA (family medical leave act) for caring for a family member? I got a week of that when my dad was dying. If not, maybe you could use vacation or sick time?
Preserving your own health and safety (income stream, health insurance, home, food) are paramount. If it helps, try reminding yourself — even say it out loud to yourself — that he is where he needs to be and there is nothing more you can do for him. You are doing everything you reasonably can and have to take care of yourself.
Sepsis is very serious, and many cannot survive it. Because the infection goes to all systems through the blood steam organs often shut down. I don't know if your father is expected to survive, but can you tell us how old he is, if he is at all aware, and if he is or is not on a ventilator at this point? Is he at all awake or are they keeping him in a medicated coma.
I am so sorry, but if you were not beside yourself with anxiety at this crucial stage for your father I think that would be the abnormal thing.
I am very hopeful that you have family with you?
Do you have friends who can support you during this time?
Do please consider asking ICU to contact social services personnel and do express to them the extreme anxiety you are suffering. Ask for any support they can provide to you. Also consider seeing your own doctor now for some medication to help you sleep.
Taking care of yourself means not staying in hospital all the time with Dad now. Patients in ICU seldom remember a single thing about that time, having an almost total amnesia about ICU stays. So it's important you go home, eat, sleep, watch something to take your mind away while the medical teams work for your father.
Good luck. So sorry you are going through this. If you have no friends I believe a Narco-Nan meeting or even AA or Al Anon would support you and help you.
He has a whole team taking care of him .
I’m sure Dad would not want you to lose your job . Go back to work . Seek some counseling to deal with your worry and anxiety. Also see your primary physician about maybe some med to help with the anxiety and stress even if you just need it temporarily so you can work . Buspar is what they prescribe for police officers who need it , doesn’t cause drowsiness in most people . They still need to be alert and quick .
If your company doesn't offer FMLA, then I would suggest that you perhaps just work 1/2 days or even every other day if your job would allow it.
ICU hours are pretty strict I know, and there's not much you can do for your father now, except pray, so it's really not worth losing your job over by not going to work.
Your father certainly wouldn't want that for you.
And perhaps you need to talk to your doctor about going on some kind of anti-depressant/medication until this situation plays out one way or another.
The medical staff is talking good care of your father now, so you need to start taking better care of yourself including your job.