I've been taking care of my 81yr old father for years now. After a massive heart attack, accompanied with Diabetes and prostate Cancer he doesn't care to live or eat in a way that's conducive to life. He is so ungrateful. He's always lived a life of selfishness. He was an abusive husband. He has 100 kids which he's abandoned all. Im the only one who will care for him. Growing up he always put me down and wasn't around much. It's like caring for a child who's always defiant. I can't even expect him to drink water in a day without monitoring him. He lives with my family, my daughter and my husband. Currently, I'm pregnant and feel completely overwhelmed and miserable. I can't put my pregnancy or family first. He has no real retirement money so any assisted living facility will be just above poor. Im trying to care for someone who makes it so difficult when he refuses to do the required minimum. He'd be happy if he could smoke weed, eat greasy food and not be told what to do. But if I put him in a facility I feel he will be dead in a year. I feel completely burdened and I don't know what's the "right" thing to do.
If you are miserable, that can lead to depression. You won't be able to take any medication for that because of your pregnancy. Do you want to become suicidal? Get him out ASAP.
In other words, if Dad harms the children with any history of abuse you could lose both your children.
--- Just the opinion of one woman who's been there.
If it’s at all possible your dad needs to be placed in AL or a retirement community. Was he in the military? Perhaps there are benefits he could receive. You said yourself your dad would be happy smoking dope and hanging out with fellows of the same persuasion. He’s not happy in the current situation and he’s ruining your family’s home life, so you aren’t happy. Explore all avenues of alternative living that can give everyone peace.