Dad has an assessment to go to a new care facility and they have asked me to be there and dad wants me there. But it's during my work hours and I'm just starting a new job.
Mom has upcoming doctor appointments. Shes gone by herself before, but then I found out she wasn't telling me the truth about what the doctor said.
I go with dad to his appointments because he has onset of Lewy Body Dementia and can't remember what the doctor tells him.
How do I make this work when I have to work Monday thru Friday 9 to 6? I also work 20 minutes out of town so I can't make an appointment for during my lunch hour. I'm am only child, we moved here a year ago to take care of mom and dad now in care facilities so we don't really know anyone, and husband doesn't drive due to health reasons. He can take Uber but he doesn't remember or write down important details of visit.
A second thought - usable only if the appointments are few and relatively far between, is to do what I did in a similar situation. I was brand new to a job and knew at the outset that we were due in court for an adoption hearing. I told them up front and they were fine with it. Employers (at least in my life) have been sensitive to the need for personal medical care/appointments as well. Caregivers rarely have sufficient evening appointments available to those who work. So . . .
Going down the slope, can you call in sick? I think as an employer I would prefer someone being upfront and honest. In this day and age it is likely someone else is dealing with the same situation. If they can't tolerate it then you may need to find a more flexible job, if your family is the priority, which it sounds like considering you made a move to be closer.
If you can minimize the time away, schedule the appts for the end of the day so you leave just a wee bit earlier and don't lose as much work time, that can help. IF mom can manage appts on her own, then you might want to go to one appt so you can be eye to eye with doc and staff and sign paperwork so that you are allowed to be informed. Then the doc must understand and agree to communicating with you...either you filling him in prior, and/or his calling you are emailing after.
I wouldn't hesitate to point out that it seems your efforts are all for a good goal that will result in dad's being some place safe so that you will be able to work hopefully with less disruption, i.e. that this is temporary. I might have shared the situation at the time of the offer of hire. Good luck...also there is a website or FB page for "working daughter" and she just came out with a book of that title.
As for regular appointments for both mom and dad, I do understand how they might not remember or relay the important information. Most doctors now have "portals" in which they post lab results, notes from exams, etc AND it includes a messaging tool, so you can post questions and they can respond. If you have another way to get them to the appointments (and they are accompanied by someone such as an aide), you can get the doctor's office to post everything they would have said during the appointment. This is even better than being there yourself, as it is documented. If you have concerns, either before or after appointments/results, you can post those in the messaging tool. If the doctor is any good, you will get a quick response (mom's first doc out here wasn't so good about that!!! The replacement is EXCELLENT!) This would eliminate/reduce the need for you to be there/take off time from work and provide you with all the issues/information/results.
IF they don't have a portal, then consider having your parents transported with an aide or someone and have the doctor call you during or after the appointments or provide the results/information via mail (NOT email!) I would also suggest to them that they consider GETTING a portal!!
Assumption is that you have medical POA so they will allow you to have access. Since the parents are living in some kind of facility, they should have a transport system - it will cost extra money to use it and have them provide an aide, but it would be worth it.
Ask about if you need to "make up" the time missed because of appointments.
If you are only going to have infrequent appointments, most employers are reasonable. If you have to be at an appointment every week, you need to explain this to your employer so you can negotiate work and family obligations.
You need to also talk to your parents' doctors about your work commitments. They can easily send you email messages about whatever is covered in visits. Make sure to have a medical power of attorney or legal guardianship established. Otherwise, your parents need to sign consent with each doctor to give them permission to share medical information with you.
2. Get copies to all of their doctors.
3. Explain to each provider that you won't be able to come to many appointments and schedule a phone consultation after each one. If the doctor prefers to send you notes that's fine too.
4. Make sure your parents have OLST (orders for life-sustaining treatment) filed for your state.
5. Arrange an account for a transportation service through a local cab company, Lyft or Uber, or a private driver. Using the same driver is preferable for older people.
6. DO NOT trust someone with no legal authority or medical training to transmit information for you. No CNA, GNA or general care assistant can take on this responsibility or liability.
7. Don't be shy about faxing a note to a doctor prior to an appointment about your concerns. Elderly patients are notorious for smiling and saying they are fine to their doctors even after complaining to family members.
8. Verify any needed follow up with the doctor yourself.
Yes, I have done this from both sides!
I tell the doctor as well, that I'm recording the appointment so that I can go back and listen to it, in order to keep accurate records for my Mom (her medicine, his advice, suggestions, diagnosis, etc.) because it's hard for me to remember all the info as well. Hope this helps.
Get medical authority for both your parents and make sure all their doctors have copies. I believe you said they are able to go to appointments on their own. So that part is easy, or you can hire a service to take them when they can’t. Most doctors have patient portals. You can send a message to their doctors ahead of the appointment listing any issues, symptoms, questions that need to be addressed. Another way is to call and talk to the doctor or his/her nurse before the appointment. You can also send a note with your parent. After the appointment, call (or check the portal) and review what the results were.
I’ve been fortunate in that my new job is very receptive of my elder care and allows me to flex my time to take my dad in for medical appointments. I also have an excellent relationship with his doctors, and almost always get the doctors (instead of their nurses) calling me back whenever I have questions.
Reach out and ask. The medical staff are part of your care/support system. They want what’s best for their patients and completely get elder care.
As far as your Mom, you call the Doctors office in advance and let them know you want a run down on what took place. If they need a signed HIPAA form, so be it. Make it happen.
If nothing else, you can let your employer know of your situation. Hopefully you did during the interview before you took the job. If not, that's on you for not being upfront. Typically, open communication and dialog helps work these things out. Work on being more vocal and assertive about what you need. JMO
I would be up front with your employer regarding your assisting your family. Let them know that there will be times that you need to take your elderly parent's to thier doctor's appointments. I say this because I am an only child and relocated back to my home state to take over this responsibility from my daughter.
I let employers know from the beginning that my elderly mother would need my assistance for doctor appts and any other emergency that may arise. It was a decision that the employer had to make if they wanted my expertise or they wanted someone that didn't have the type of responsibility that I came with. If there had been problems with them excepting my terms, I would take the job.
Be clear to your employers and in most cases they will be understanding, and if not decide if it is the right place for you.
There is more discrimination in my workplace against caregivers than against mothers of preschool age children so I don't have much choice.
My employers don't care -- they would just say to put my mother in a nursing home, which I don't want and can't afford.
When my Mom entered an AL it made it harder to get her to doctor appts. I couldn't rely on staff to have her clean and ready. When I got a call that the Dr. wanted to see Mom to go over her tests, I asked if I could come in without her since she would have no idea what was being said anyway. It was explained that this could not be done because Medicare requires the patient be there otherwise the Dr. cannot bill for the visit. Its considered fraud otherwise. Not too many like to tell you over the phone either.