I've been taking care of my mother-in-law for going on 3 months. She has had 4 strokes since 2009 her last 2 strokes occurred on March of this yr. This job was basically forced on me because my husband refused to put her in a home & his brother & his wife want nothing to do with it. My husband & I fought over this prior to her coming here after rehab because she needs too much care (24/7) & it would be too much on me with my medical conditions (thoracic outlet syndrome & degenerative disc disease). My husband wanted to take on the responsibility but I told him that he knew it would all be put on me because he works & I don't due to retirement disability. Plus I attend college 2-5 days a week. He promised it wouldn't all be put on me & that I wouldn't have to quit school but after she got here in April he realized that this job was an all day job & after telling me to sign up for my class and me paying $800.00 he asked me to drop it. I told him I will not drop my fall course. She is incapable of doing anything at all & the best & shortest way to describe it is that I'm caring for a 200 lb newborn baby. She has to be lifted out of bed & lifted out of her recliner everytime she says she has to go to the bathroom. I don't think she really knows though because she'll ask me if she went as I'm wiping her & her diaper is so heavily saturated everytime. She urinates so much it goes right through her diaper and even through a 100% waterproof mattress protector (at least it says it's 100% waterproof). I'm washing her bedclothes & night gowns everyday all day & my house now smells like urine. She just sits in a recliner all day calling me for everything. My husband rarely does anything except all the grocery shopping because I can't leave since she can't be left alone. To get her out of bed I have to pull her upper body up at the same time my other arm is wrapped around her legs twisting her lower body to get her legs over the edge of the bed & then would have to lift her up to her feet & it was hurting my back too much. She only has the strength to stand once you lift her to her feet but not on her own. I'm only 5'2 110 lbs (was 120 lbs but lost 10 lbs since she's been here). I now make my husband wake her up & get her out of bed before he leaves for work in the morning which is at 5 am if she's not already up. She's usually up at 3 am screaming our names waking all of us up to go to the bathroom even though she's soaked from urinating all night in bed. She doesn't get into bed until 8pm but doesn't fall asleep until 11pm or later. I can't go to bed until after she falls asleep because she drops the tv remote & calls me, she needs her pillow fixed when she slides down the bed, she needs her private areas scratched (yes I have to do that also) & she blasts the tv so loud that you can't hear any other tv in the house. If you turn your volume up it just turns into a battle of who can get their tv the loudest so I'm only getting 4 hrs sleep and taking care of her 20 hrs a day. Even when my husband is home he just sits there & watches me do it all. When I ask him to do it he gets an attitude. I just don't know what to do. I told him that when he's home he needs to take care of her because this was his decision & he wanted to take on the responsibility not me but he's never home because he works so much now. As bad as her physical health is she knows what's going on & her mental health is not perfect but she is able to make her own decisions just not care for herself. She does forget things but she knows what she's doing. My whole day consists of waiting on her hand & foot all day just sitting here waiting for my name to be called. I can't go out & cut my grass or even play with my 11 yr old son in the pool like every summer prior. I can't even talk on the phone without having to hang right up because she needs something. I'm lucky to eat 3 meals a week because I pretty much gave up on eating since every single time she'll call me to go to the bathroom while I'm in the middle of eating & it takes 8 minutes just to get her 10 ft to the bathroom so the whole bathroom fiasco takes 20 minutes & by then I lose my appetite. She slid out of her chair and sat on the floor when I was trying to take her to the bathroom & laughed. I tried 3 times to lift her but she wouldn't even try to help. I hurt my ribs, back, & tore something in my right breast & have a big lump now with pain shooting through it & because of this my son missed his school bus & I couldn't leave to take him so he missed school altogether. After 3 attempts I had to call 911 to come pick her up & they did then left. Just the other day she fell off the transfer chair in the bath while I was trying to get her out & again my husband wasn't here so I had to lift her out. I'm miserable. My house is no longer my home. I'm just a slave in my own home. I just don't know what to do.
Every day is different, or in this case, every moment or second.
She still has her own home and her bills are paid because I set them up to be paid automatically. And the few that aren't auto I pay manually, out of her checking account. All of her bills are paid out of her checking account. I am assuming that your mil has a home. Or did she come from an apartment? I'm sorry if this information is buried somewhere in this thread.
I'm not going to tell you to leave. I myself have thought about doing that and the truth hurts, but I know deep down what needs to be done, again, in this case.
I think that your mil needs to be tested or assessed again. But I think, we may be just a bit jaded. I know I am!
I truly hope that this all works out for you and in your favor. I feel bad if anyone is going through a bad time and issues!
Best of luck!
I have read through all the posts (I may not always post but am on here daily reading posts) and am really sad right now. Y'all are a wonderful bunch of people and helped me so much.... please no more fussing at each other. I can understand the situation that Mercy is in as I have seen it with two families that I knew. Life is no picnic in the situation that she is in any more than it is in a lot of our lives as caregivers.
I am not fussing at anyone, just saying lets get back to being a "team" to help and emotionally support each other. I came very close to splitting with my honey and am still having some bad days. But thanks to all the wonderful advice on here (and a month without him around) I was able to get my feet under me and boundaries set as to what I will tolerate. I am not saying that my situation is perfect as it isn't, but at least now I have a handle on it. Course I am not promising that I will not be back on here venting about my situation and asking for additional advice or a shoulder to cry on. (smile)
If not for all y'all, I probably would have run down the street screaming by now. The advice y'all gave I knew was mine to take or leave, but y'all also gave me an opportunity to vent; to get things out in the open which along with the advice helped more than anyone knew.
I hope Misery will return and let us know how she is doing. Y'all take care and have a great day!
I am going through the same thing with my honey. He has severe heart failure and right now is on an IV 24/7 here at home. He and the doctors are trying to determine if he will go for a heart pump or try to get on the transplant list though with his age and past medical history they are not sure he would be accepted as a candidate. I am so glad you have been accepted and can get on the list if it is needed.
I am not trying to be nosey but what type of cardiac surgeries have they/are they doing? Though I do not know you... I do care and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.
Thread policing never works. If someone doesn't like the way a thread is going, then they can leave.
As far as Misery goes, I, too, wonder if she was real. I don't believe that there was nothing she could do to make her situation better. She chooses to believe there is nothing she can do. I'm not sure why she ever even posted, then. Did she want to win a Martyr for the Day award?
I like the idea of you leaving when your husband comes home because you need a break!! For heavens sake, don’t separate or get a divorce! That will certainly add to your problems, and with your mother-in-laws health she may not be alive for long. Please sit down with your husband and come up with a plan that’s workable for both of you and your family. Who helped her before she moved in with you?
My Mom’s Dr. ordered therapists to come in and do an evaluation and insurance covered it. Then they came in a couple times a week to help her become more moble. If your mother-in-law has a couple good friends, ask them to come visit her while you have lunch with a good friend. And, Pray!!
If you get a chance watch My 600 lb life. Miserys story sounds similar to some of their episodes.
I was 300+ twice in my life. When I was in my teens, then after my second son was born. (1989)
Back in the early 80s diet pills had enphedra and caffeine in them. I took handfuls everyday and lost 140lbs in 4 months. Brilliant, I know.
The next time I got that big, I had the surgery. Gone up and down, here and there, but pretty much maintain 162ish. At 5'7 that's good. Huh, I used to be 5'8. Lol, If I hit 172, it's salads and intermittent fasting. Boom! Weight comes right off. Thank God, cause I can not maintain a diet for any real period of time. I'm truly a food addict. Thanks for sharing that Lil' Joy! 😉