There is no elder abuse but my mother is verbally abusive to my sister. I'm looking for options for a place for my mother to live. She can't afford assisted living, only gets $1400 a month from Soc Sec. The situation is becoming more explosive. Is there a Social Service counselor that can go and speak with both of them? I feel helpless way up here. I would appreciate any help you can give me.
I would start with social services in their area. A social worker could help guide them through the Medicaid application process, and could let you know what types of Medicaid services your mom would qualify for, and would probably know of other programs she might qualify for as well, individualized to her needs, diagnosis and overall situation.
Here's another option. I know it's a big step but it's something to consider. Isn't Lakeside CA very close to the border with Mexico? While $1400/month is not enough to pay for even the cheapest assisted living in the US, $1400/month can pay for a premium place down in Mexico. Many Americans that can't afford it otherwise, take that option. So she can be in a facility full of Americans. If Lakeside is indeed close, your sister can visit everyday if she wants. Plenty of people commute both down to Mexico and up to the US everyday.
AIS provides services to older adults, people with disabilities and their family members, to help keep clients safely in their homes, promote healthy and vital living, and publicize positive contributions made by older adults and persons with disabilities.
For more information call 800-510-2020.
Outside San Diego County, call toll-free 800-339-4661.
Also from the website:
The gateway to AIS services is through the agency's Call Center that provides initial assessment and channeling to appropriate services and information. Calls are screened to determine eligibility for AIS programs and/or referred to other appropriate community programs. The Call Center has merged the efforts of information and referral, case management program intake and the elder abuse reporting function, providing AIS the opportunity to implement a "no wrong door" model.
Lindy, hopefully this resource might have information about any other possible housing options for your mom other than living with sister. All the best to you and your family.
Help your sister get mom into a facility that can provide proper care. NO ONE deserves to be abused, whether the abuser knows they are doing it or not is completely irrelevant, it is unacceptable and should not be tolerated, all the professionals I have spoken with said whatever the personality was before sickness gets magnified, so I am guessing that your mom was never really kind to your sister and had abusive behaviours in the past, so again, help your sister find a facility. Your mom will receive professional care and your sister can get her life back and be a daughter again. Give her encouragement and support and let her know, NO GUILT, she did her best, now it is time for professional care. She will need you more than ever to get through placing your mom.
HUGS 2 both of you for all you do for your mom.
You or your sister could contact their local area Agency on Aging and ask for help or at least information on where to go for help and whom to ask. If Mom has a proactive doctor, Sis could also ask them.