I have durable power of attorney for my father. Every decision I try to make is met with extreme opposition from my siblings.

YOUR LEGAL OBLIGATION TO YOUR SIBLINGS IS ZERO - you may consult but you are not obligated to do as they ask - keep all dr's records etc

Your dad made you POA not them - however just a word to the wise make a paper trail a mile wide & do not use anything but a paper statement to back up your documentation because you will pay big $$$ to get back copies so it is best to get the ones from any transactions in original print not Xerox/printer

If they still object have the lawyer send them a politely worded letter that basically says you are in charge & they are to 'shut up' - you may have him/her include a bit about 'while you will appreciate input however once a decision is made then that's it & don't continue bothering you' & again in polite wording but with a stern overtone

It would seem your dad picked well as you seem to be the one with some heart & don't let them wear you down - good luck

This is a bit different from most of the answers, but might be worth considering. You tell us that your siblings are opposing all your decisions, but you don’t tell us what sort of decisions you are making or why they are opposing them Unfortunately, on this site we read often two completely different stories.

The first is that the POA is doing all the work with the best of intentions, the siblings refuse to help, they want to avoid any sort of paid care that will diminish their own inheritance, and that they have been and continue to be very unpleasant in a dysfunctional family.

The second scenario is that the POA is acting as a mini-tyrant totally in charge of the parents, providing no information to siblings, making decisions that don’t seem in the interests of the parents, and causing real worries about financial misappropriation.

It’s not possible for us to know which scenario is correct, or whether there are bits of both going on. For the short and long term sake of every body involved, irrespective of ‘rights’, it would be far better if you could calm down and work out what you can share and explain. Yes you have the POA, but your siblings are also your father’s children and are just as likely to care about what is happening to him. You might feel the same as them if your father had happened to make one of them his POA instead of you, for example if you were on the other side of the country when the document was prepared.

The benefits of co-operation to you are less likelihood of legal problems, certainly less likelihood that litigation would go against you, and better relations long term within the family. Think about it.

I'm in Missouri. I don't think you have ANY legal obligation to your siblings.

As Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA), your only LEGAL obligation is to act ON BEHALF OF your father with HIS best interests at heart.

A MEDICAL DPOA, (assigned when the person is of sound mind), states HIS wishes and instructions as to his ongoing medical care, ie, make heroic efforts to continue his life or do not resuscitate (DNR), etc. YOU may not have any real DECISIONS to make here, as HIS instructions for his care are normally all spelled out on the document.

A FINANCIAL DPOA is a completely separate assignment (also assigned when the person is of sound mind). This means you must RESPONSIBLY use HIS assets for HIS care and expenses related to his care. For example, pay HIS mortgage/rent and utilities from HIS assets. You can RESPONSIBLY sell his assets, (including vehicles and homes), as needed, to pay his for his ongoing care and expenses, etc.

Upon his death, ALL POAs and DPOAs IMMEDIATELY expire.

If there is a will, once the will is filed with the court, (and after a period of time for objections), the court will send out a Letters Testamentary to the Executor/Personal Representative mentioned in the will who then take over the administration of the estate.

Depending on the value of the estate, sometimes all decisions are court supervised, sometimes not (Note: Siblings can typically sign off to waive court appointed supervision in order to save court costs).

Any JOINT assets held, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit (CD's), etc. IMMEDIATELY go to the joint account holder and are NOT part of the estate. Consider that money gone.

Life insurance claims can be redeemed ONLY by the named beneficiaries (with a certified copy of the death certificate). These funds are NOT part of the estate.

ALL accounts in HIS NAME ONLY will be FROZEN upon his death. Only with a death certificate and court appointed letters testamentary (which can take months to receive), can the Executor then transact any estate business, such as closing bank accounts in his name only, cancelling utilities, opening an ESTATE checking account, etc.

Pay bills with estate funds ONLY!! You do NOT, and SHOULD not, pay ANY bills with your personal money. Estste bills, including mortgages, utilities, e.t.c., WILL go unpaid, sometimes for MONTHS that is COMPLETELY normal with estates. Creditors know and are used to this.

If there is NO will, then ANY assets not held JOINTLY must go through Probate Court for ALL the decisions to be made.

In Missouri, even WITH a will, an estate goes through Probate Court and my narcissistic siblings did whatever they could to make the process more difficult, but I just did MY job as DPOA (Med & Fin) and eventual Executor to the estate. I have NO regrets! Though, I DO have less siblings in my life now, and I'm COMPLETELY okay with that!!! I found out that they are not the kind of people I choose to have in my life anyway. Good riddance. Blood is NOT always thicker than water.

You do what's right for your father. FORGET the siblings if they are just trying to cause you problems. You can't always please everyone, so do what's best for your FATHER, what HE would have done if HE were able to. Your siblings are likely just jealous and possibly greedy.

Best of luck to you in the coming years.

Keep asking questions here, because there's ALWAYS someone on here that has been through EXACTLY the situation you're finding yourself in at the time. <3

If sibling that doesn’t have poa is the one caring for parent then everything should be out in the open. When secrets are kept they’re usually up to no good. Parents sometimes just give poa to their oldest or the son not because they’re better at handling everything or they trust them more.

It just isn't that straightforward. If the parent concerned was not in the habit of discussing his or her finances with all of his/her children, then the POA ought to continue the parent's practice unless the parent has had the foresight to direct otherwise when drawing up the POA.

Financial information is generally treated in confidence. You can't go blabbing every detail to someone only because it would be nice or courteous to make him or her feel included.

Spotlover
it sounds like you’ve figured out that you don’t owe your siblings squat but I do wonder how your dad is holding up under all that noise from the siblings that sounds bordering on abuse?!
it may or may not be good for him to be near them.
I do hope things settle down for his sake as well as yours.

Great advice below. Unless your father specifically documented that you must consult with your siblings regarding POA matters, your only duty is to him.

I dealt with a situation in my family as enduring POA for both my parents. A grand daughter who hadn't been on the scene for decades suddenly showed up a couple of years ago, as my mother was dying. One of her cousins said to me "why has she suddenly turned up? poking her nose in, why now?" Good question huh. She was quite threatening toward me, stating, among other things, that she had "concerns about transparency". My approach in dealing with her was to ask her if my father, her grandfather, had EVER discussed his financial dealings/decisions/situation with her in the past. Well, no. He is a very private man who did not discuss his finances with ANY family members - just his bank manager, accountant and his lawyer. So that is what I am doing too, on HIS behalf. Not HERS. That seemed to shut her up.

The doctor’s letter gives reason why your father cannot make safe and responsible decisions any more, but you must have a proper legal Power of Attorney signed by a lawyer and witnesses and probably noting the doctor’s statement. Each State has slightly different laws, but they are basically the same. If you have POA drawn up by a lawyer, then you have 100% power to make financial decisions. You may also be your das’s HealthAdvocate, which means you can make decisions with regard to his medical needs. These documents may have some qualifiers or restrictions. This is decided when the document is drawn up.
I would speak to the lawyer who drew up these documents. If you didn’t have a lawyer, I would speak to one now to clarify what you have.

Any hospital, nursing home, senior center can advise you on this, but I would settle it with a lawyer.

The doctor’s letter gives reason why your father cannot make safe and responsible decisions any more, but you must have a proper legal Power of Attorney signed by a lawyer and witnesses and probably noting the doctor’s statement. Each State has slightly different laws, but they are basically the same. If you have POA drawn up by a lawyer, then you have 100% power to make financial decisions. You may also be your das’s HealthAdvocate, which means you can make decisions with regard to his medical needs. These documents may have some qualifiers or restrictions. This is decided when the document is drawn up.
I would speak to the lawyer who drew up these documents. If you didn’t have a lawyer, I would speak to one now to clarify what you have.

Any hospital, nursing home, senior center can advise you on this, but I would settle it by speaking to a lawyer.

An interesting question. YOUR "LEGAL" RESPONSIBILITY IS ONLY TO YOUR FATHER. I was (mother passed very recently) DPOA for my mother. I have 3 brothers and no sisters. This is not a simple task, but please remember your father choose YOU to represent him, not your siblings. His trust is in you. You, by law, do not have to explain anything to your siblings.


While taking care of Mom, I found that keeping my siblings informed on developments directly involving her care was a good thing. This is not always true for every family. However, it was after Mother passed that I got flack from the brothers (actually only the youngest one). Once Mother passed I also had legal responsibility to take care of the "trust/estate".

What happened is not as important as the fact that "legally" you do not owe them explanations, information, etc. The DPOA gives you all the power. Just "inform" them to what you see important on your fathers welfare. ie., health, living arrangements, nothing else is appropriate under a DPOA.'

Good luck, as this is not easy. Remember at all times to take care of yourself in this process. As this is a process. Keep good records of everything you do, and share what you feel they need to know. Do not take personally anything else.