I have a brother who has scammed my mother out of most of her money.

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I have a brother who has scammed my mother out of most of her money.

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What rights do I have as POA to stop my brother who my mother (94, still lives alone, but I take care of her appointments, errrands, etc) sees a few times every 5 years? He always has an "emergency" where he needs anywhere from 5K to 30K to get himself out of his emergency situation. Documentation proving he for example needs a new roof, is never given. The amount he requests always is way more than any item he asks for could cost. It can be close to $100,000 per year. Do I have any recourse to stop this? I already has 2 signature authentication, but in the end I am told she can override me and have money wire transferred directly. He has now taken more than his share will get when she dies. Unfortunately, I am also concerned she will not have enough for either a nursing home or in home care as she has always said she wants rather than a nursing home. He has the capability to drain her remaining assets (not house). It is almost like he holds over her head- I will not be in contact unless you give me money.

Deeming her incompetent I hear is a lengthy process. For all intents and purposes she seems quite with it, but from someone who sees her almost every day, I know she is failing mentally (Not dementia related). Her attorney that rewrote her last will gave her a stern talking to about my brother, but it did not have a lasting effect.

Elder Abuse Elder Law Frauds & Scams Power of Attorney (POA) Siblings

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I have a sibling who regularly used our dad for money and over time drained him for thousands he never saw again. Dad also gave to far too many charities as one would feed another. I finally stopped the drain (actually wish I’d done it far sooner than I did) by taking over dad's finances completely. Though I fully realize it wouldn’t work for everyone and was actually surprised it worked with my very headstrong dad, I did it without his knowledge or cooperation. He was hospitalized, I was already on his banking, and I went to the bank and had all statements changed to being emailed to me. I had all his mail forwarded to me. I gathered his bills and changed them all to being emailed to me. I made a binder with monthly records of every penny in and out, every bill being paid. I sent a final check to each charity and included not to ever contact dad again as he was sick and unable to contribute again. Dad came home from the hospital, started wondering where his bills and mail was, and I confessed expecting a blowup. To my surprise, he was relieved, he said he knew it was getting to be too much for him. He loved looking over the records I was keeping and seeing everything was being paid. Sibling was cut off from then on.

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Reply to Daughterof1930

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"Unfortunately, I am also concerned she will not have enough for either a nursing home or in home care as she has always said she wants rather than a nursing home. "

Mom will have to face the consequences of giving her son all her money if it comes to that and she cannot afford in home help.

I would not fund one dime of your own money to keep mom at home.

I can bet he will never contact her again once he takes all her money.

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Reply to sp196902

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Sounds Like My sister- she had Nothing to do with My Father and Kidnapped him 3000 Miles away to California September 29, 2022 and he hardly Knows her except when she called On the phone asking for Money . I see in 2020 she got $10,000 and In October 2022 $3500 , took His bank account around $170,000 and now Is Living off his social security $2500 a Month . Get a New Joint bank account and Put a stop to this nonsense .

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Reply to KNance72

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Hi beachmom - you can open up a new bank account in your mother's name (at the same bank) - but only YOU are the signer, as her POA...and you can write checks on her behalf and you'd sign the check in your name and POA next to your signature. This way, you have the control over her bank account. And if your mother still wants access to her current bank account, then transfer most of the funds into the new account and leave a small amount in her existing account. You can always transfer more into her existing account as needed.

This way, your brother will no longer have access to more money thru your mother and you are safeguarding her money.

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Reply to Hopeforhelp22

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I certainly never ment to apply that children who are adopted are narcissistic beasts... far from it.
just that I can not, for the life of me understand how my brother would act in the way he has. I have paid out of my own pocket for my father and my brother has stolen from him.
My husband is also adopted, and is the best son to his parents that I've seen.
It just goes to show you, you can be raised and brought up in the same house, have some of the same memories, yet either be selfish and believe that the world owes you everything or try to be kind and help those you love

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Reply to Kwiemer

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That's very true. It's odd how people turn out so differently, even those who grew up in the same home. My brother in law always says to his 4 siblings, "we all had different parents" even though they were raised by the same mom and dad. Of course, this brother is the entitled troublemaker of the bunch....🙄

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The question here is one of competency or incompetency.
Even as POA you cannot control your principal's decisions if she is competent under the law.
If she is incompetent under the law them it is your job to take over the accounts as POA, and to see to it that your Mother's bankers and other entities are aware that while you may provide her an allowance account, ALL other accounts and monies are in your control.

Currently you do not say Mom has dementia or is incompetent.
Therefore you cannot stop her.
You are absolutely correct that she will be unable EVER to get Medicaid with a 5 year lookback with all the gifting she is doing.
It is time to take Mom to an attorney NOW. If she is incompetent you need to take with you two letters from MDs attesting to her inability to keep her finances safe at this point. A letter from Lawyer will help you and her banker to set up POA accounts.
If she is competent the attorney can explain to her the repercussions for her own funds. If she still, then, insists on giving to brother I think you should resign your POA, but I will leave that in your hands.
I would not serve as POA for a senior who wasn't cooperative. It is a waste of your time and energy.

When my brother was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's Dementia he made me POA and Trustee and this is how we set up all his banking. I gave him monthly accountings of all his money whether in stock, CD, Bank and of all his bills and payments. He was intent on protecting himself from himself should his condition deteriorate, and greatly afraid he would do something to compromise the saving sit took him a LIFETIME to save.

Do know also that to blame brother if mother is competent is not going to go anywhere. We all have a right to ask for money. Hopefully the senior is competent enough to say no, or their incompetence in saying yes can be PROVEN and proven to be known by the perp-brother, and statutes of limitations are still OK. Then there is a possibility of charges of elder fraud and abuse if there is crystal clear proof engraved in stone.

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Reply to AlvaDeer

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Yes, get POA to save what your mom does have, if nothing else.
I wish you luck... if you get that luck, please share how with us "others"

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Reply to Kwiemer

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Our OP does have that POA, but currently I think the Mom has competency. So if she is competent, even with a POA the OP cannot protect her, sadly. Unless the mother, like my bro, recognizes she needs help and makes the OP the only signee on checks as POA. The mother can have a small account for spending money. But again, the mother has all choice to do this if she is competent, and sadly often will. I have a good friend with an alcoholic son. It is a hard decision when the choice is homeless on the street and dying of drugs, or enabling. Awful choice, really. I feel so bad for this whole family.

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There are awful people in this world, I unfortunately have a brother just like yours, I wish I could give you advice, I was here searching for advice also.

I realized I have no proof, my dad has no proof...he trusted my brother and now his life savings are gone and we're trying to find the money for his care.

I keep thinking... my brother must have been adopted or found under a slimy rock... because I can't be related to this narcissistic beast.

I do hope you find answers here. You are not alone unfortunately

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Reply to Kwiemer

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I was adopted and worked like a dog to preserve every penny of my parents hard earned money to keep them living in private pay Assisted Living and then Memory Care Assisted Living and out of Medicaid nursing homes. My inheritance was zero as a result.

Being adopted doesn't mean a person is slimy or narcissistic. You probably didn't mean it that way, just here to put in a good word for all adoptees out there.

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If you have financial POA for mom, set it up with the bank that BOTH signatures are required to write a check, yours and hers. Meaning, sonny boy needs YOUR signature on one of the checks he's begging for. In the meantime, explain to mom the reality of the situation with her finances drying up and how no more GIFTS can be given to the moocher or she won't qualify for Medicaid if she needs it. See if you can get her to learn the word NO. Homeowners insurance normally covers a new roof......or the vast majority of a new roof, so mom must realize he's scamming her, unless she's going down the dementia highway.

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Reply to lealonnie1

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I have a brother who has scammed my mother out of most of her money.

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