I can’t find aides and we need at least one. Mom's care manager is not helping and things are progressing. Any advice?
Mom has early dementia but she’s still driving and generally doing pretty well. She lives alone in a low cost senior apartment. As well as she is, she still can’t physically do a lot to clean her house and is beginning to show some irresponsible behavior that is concerning. So we need to get some help soon. Not just for cleaning, but to keep an eye on her.
I’ve done nothing less than literally BEG her care manager to help, several times and if/when we do talk the answer she gives me is: “There’s an aide and nursing shortage.” She’s been telling me this for four years.But really? Not one person?
She suggested trying to find a church nearby that might be able to help. Good idea, just not sure how that works — if you do, I’d love to hear from you.
Another idea was for my family to help, which I’ve been doing from out of state and unfortunately my two siblings who live 20 minutes away don’t see it as their responsibility. One has committed to visiting my mother once a week and no more. She has the time. The other sibling is too busy and still denies this is a real issue. So that leaves me, but I live about six hours away with health issues that prevent me from driving. I suggested to my siblings that we all chip in and pay for someone. An absolute “NO” was the answer.
Right now Mom often pays her younger friends (I found out later) to do this chore for her—she does not have the money to do this. Or once in a while she’ll ask a friend her age (mid-eighties) to help her— which scares me — I don’t want both of them getting hurt!!
Lastly the care manager said to try nursing or aide’s colleges or training facilities but in the past I’ve seen aides who are on their phone and basically do nothing so I’m not sure about someone who’s inexperienced still.
So I’m at a standstill. I visit when possible and call all the time but it’s not enough.
I welcome any ideas that might have worked for any of you!
God Bless!
3 Answers
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I saw an hiring ad in a window of a fast food place offering $20/hour. Thus, the domino effect where employees who were already making $20/hour no longer want to work at minimum wage, their wages went up, same the next tier of employees, etc. There comes a breaking point where some people are then let go because a business cannot afford the payroll.
You would think those who were laid off from work would jump at a chance to earn some type of hourly wage, but they don't. They hold out for those high paying hourly jobs.
Since your Mom is living in low cost senior housing [bravo for areas offering same] that means the county may be paying some of the rent. Therefore, if you do find an aide/caregiving to watch over Mom [if Mom accepts that idea], then someone other then your Mom would need to pay that person [siblings saying no to paying].
What's left? As most of us here had to do was wait until there is a medical emergency where our parent is taken to the hospital, then into Rehab, then into senior housing be it Assisted Living, Memory Care, or a Nursing Home. Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] will pay for that cost if your Mom qualifies.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/who-covid-end-in-sight-deaths-at-lowest-since-march-2020/
Sometimes subsidized senior housing has a contracted agency that provides a care manager and that agency provides the direct services such as home making, personal care, etc. If the care giver is from a social service agency of some sort, please call and ask for a new care manager. Or a conversation or Zoom meeting with care manager and her supervisor.
She does need to be connected to services now....I'm not sure what those 'concerning behaviors' are, related to her mild dementia. Dementia progresses, safety awareness decreases, self awareness decreases, self care declines....
Introducing helpers into her life now will help her remain in the community longer. Let us know how it goes.