Well... I was considering having children until I started caring for my father because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I was a "late baby" (my brother who committed suicide was even younger... 10 years), so my father was 47 when I was born. I'm absolutely TERRIFIED to reproduce at the age of 38 now for the fear that I will get sick and have kids that resent caring for me.
Then I think I wouldn't be a good mother because I get so frustrated with my father when he doesn't sleep (babies keep you up at night as well), or I snap at him for ...whatever.
Finally, I think about putting a contingency plan together for aging. The short time I had Dad at the Independent Living (IL) facility, I would listen to the elderly parents that put THEMSELVES in the facility so their children could enjoy their freedom--so they wouldn't be a burden to their children. I admit I was a bit jealous. Why can't my Dad do that?
Then I have "angry compassion_ so to speak. Isn't it interesting that if an animal gets to the point where they can't function, they're put down, yet humans can literally suffer for YEARS (patient and caregiver) existing as a fraction of the person they once were.
I get it... it must be horrible to exist without being unable to hear well, see well, move around, remember anything, and be in pain most of the time, but should the caregivers suffer?
NOTE: I'm not advocating euthanizing humans... just making an observation.
...and to top it off, I want to SCREAM the truth at by standers that "commend" me for taking care of Dad. There's nothing commendable about it. I detest it most of the time and feel guilty for feeling that way every day.
....random venting I guess
I wonder if your wife can adapt it to elders.
Come to think of it, I'd like a Neighbor Compliance Drug as well.
As a wife, I never used behavior modification because I found that asking a man to do anything he doesn't want to do results in a really messed up job with broken things and other damages. Men are really smart too.
Love joking around with all of you! Think now that I am in over my head and regret playing with Windy, cause there will be hell to pay, he'll have a really great snappy comeback, and I already feel guilty for asking my husband for help, now that I just cannot do it all myself.
No, really, on a more serious note, don't you think a perfect husband should be married to a perfect wife, or does that just not happen?
"You have a dnr, your wife is screaming 'save my husband!', and if the patient could answer, the paramedics are there, because???!!!!
Serious situations require serious humor, put in a way that serious circumstances can be planned for ahead of time. I appreciate your humor, Gershen.
Donald talking to sheep, get it?
I am much more cynical now.
I'm wondering if as the current group of caregivers moves into our own years of needing care that we'll be more aggressive in lobbying and demanding more rights for medical and legal support to make the decisions we feel appropriate, rather than as you so poignantly describe, "sink into the abyss of old age and dementia".
It is a sad thing that some people don't have enough to live on even earlier in life. What they tend to get is a cluck-cluck, shoulda worked harder and saved. No one listens to the poor.
So it is up to the middle class 40-60 year olds, I guess.