He lives with us. He is 84 widowed for 4 years, met her at church, 3x divorced. Has spent over 500K on this woman in the last year. Home, trips, credit card, etc. He and my husband have had several arguments haven't spoken in a month. He knows it's not appropriate, doesn't care. Doesn't care he is burning through his life savings. His expectation is we will pickup the pieces if he doesn't have any money. Our retirement plan did not included supporting 84 year old fool and his girl friend.
Too funny 😂!!! I love your wicked sense of humor.
Either way I would tell him to move into that house. He bought it, who cares what anyone thinks about "living" with her. I bet if the house is in her name she won't want him there - perhaps that might be the light needed...
Does he go there to "visit" her? When he does, box up his belongings and deposit them outside the house and change your locks. Not so subtle hint...
Getting a background check on this "chick" might be a good idea. IF she has a record or is a known elder abuser, you might be able to have charges brought - of course he could be the monkey wrench, saying he WANTS to do these things for her. It is a dicey situation.
As for the rest of the issues, unless he is declared incompetent, he is free to spend whatever he has on whatever he wants, good bad or otherwise. Hubby (with you as backup?) needs to make it clear that you do NOT approve of his behavior, this woman or with him living in your home and demand that he make other arrangements as this is not what you all agreed to. He wants to be "free", then GO be free somewhere else. You are afraid of how living with her looks? Get an apartment. We signed on to help you and care for you, not you and some bimbo.
Although you are in a filial law state, for the most part not too many enforce the laws (yet), and they usually take into account whether someone can afford to pay. If you are retired and on fixed income, they are not likely to impoverish you to pay for his care. I WOULD consult with an EC attorney, to protect yourselves and your own assets (set up trust for any liquid assets, put house into living trust), then you have nothing they (state, Medi-Cal, bimbo or FIL)can bleed from you.
Medicaid (or in your case Medi-Cal) can do the lookback - according to online, they are looking for people who give their assets away to their family, so as to avoid having to pay for care AND being able to leave family with early inheritance. In this case, she isn't family and family is not benefiting, so he may or may not qualify - during your consult with EC attorney, you could inquire about how this would be handled. Perhaps this attorney might be able to knock some sense into his head (whichever one he is currently thinking with!)
I would also ask him if it is inappropriate to live with this woman, how appropriate is it for someone to spend their life savings on someone they barely know, however "young" she makes him feel and how INAPPROPRIATE it is to blow all this on someone who is not family, but then expect family to pick up the pieces when you've spent it all and she takes off!!
There are some real gems in the world, but there are too many faux ones who can on some level "pass" as the real thing, until after they wrangle their way into your life and take over, then their falseness shines through when it is too late!!!!
Actually, having him move in with you in the first place sounds like a huge mistake. The man has no respect for your feelings or circumstances. Better to nip it in the bud now than later when he's disabled and you two are full time caregivers to him. You were very caring and generous to offer your home. He is the abusive party in this picture.