Mom is 87 and has survived thyroid cancer. Although they saw something in her lungs before. It seemed to be a "scar." Long story short, last CT scan shows that she has stage 4 lung cancer. It kills me to have to deliver the bad news. She seems to be in good spirits and talks about traveling in the future, etc. Never had to deliver news to a parent before that they are slowly dying. I will ask her, but I know she doesn't want treatment. Doctor said would only add a few months... not really a good option. I keep thinking of all the different scenarios of how this will turn out. My sister and I decided to wait till after Christmas. That's all I've been thinking about since we heard the news 3 weeks ago. Any suggestions on how to go about this? I think we might need to give her Xanax when we tell her the news. Has anybody ever had something prescribed to their parent for devastating news such as this? My mother is a very emotional person like myself. I have a pretty good idea on how she's going to react.. She possibly could go into full denial about this as well.
When my stepdad was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer, I was the one who told him. I went with him to dr appointments, I was there to support anything HE decided for himself, doing the research on treatments and then presenting the facts to him. He chose no treatment because of the side effects. He lasted 5 months surrounded by family that was free to express their love for him, and assure him he was loved and treasured. I'm glad I did this.
My husband has expressed the fact that if he had it to do all over again, he would want his mother told. He says he would want to know. If you don't tell your mother, you might regret not being able to have full closure. This isn't important for some people, but it would be for me. Only you can assess this.
In the end, it isn't going to change your mother's diagnosis, but you are the one who will survive to live with the decision. Do what is best for you. If you tell her, you will find a way to soften the blow.
This I would think should be a discussion to have in the doctors office where options are presented and discussed. I am sure she will have questions and you will also.
I am sure that you have already discussed this, I noticed the date on your post.
I also wonder was she informed that "they saw something in her lungs before" and was that discussed?
Personal opinion..I would want to be informed. I would want to know what my options were and the probable scenario with each option. I am a firm believer in Quality of life over Quantity of life.
I would want the options to get things sorted out and the option to do a few things that are on my "bucket list".
Please keep us posted.