Hello, I am curious how others deal with the merry-go-round of having an ill LO and the constant anxiety, stress, and fear. Mark will get fairly stable for a little bit and then another crisis hits. For example, he was going to dialysis yesterday and his blood pressure plummeted, which I have been made aware is fairly common. However, he also has a bad chest infection now which they are unsure what it is. Mark is back in the ICU right now because of the blood pressure and he was having to have three breathing treatments.
How do you deal with a LO seeming to get better for a little bit and another domino toppling and they have another crisis?
You know that Mark is a very ill man, Doggiemom. I think that things may never be different from him. He has so many major systems now under attack. I understand he is young and want to fight, but he is already just using so many things in his battle; there's just not a lot more.
I think that the only way that you can face it is to expect the unexpected, to take it one day at a time. There honestly isn't any other answer.
In your post about your sweet therapy dogs you have told us that you yourself are beset not by one but by several anxiety disorders you have to deal with. This doesn't help. It is putting you in a constant state of adrenalin and cortisone feeds, and then collapse, and it's doing it over and over again.
I caution you--Mark is going to be sleeping a whole lot, and in ICU an amnesia sets in; he isn't going to even KNOW how often you are there--you MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You simply must. This is terrible for your own system. Mark is in good hands, and they are all doing their best for him. Please take care of yourself.
My 99 yo mother is suffering from renal failure level 4, so the doctors say "She needs dialysis" my brother and I are like No not going to happen.
We caregivers tend to over accept responsibility for another, we all have some codependent tendencies. It took me awhile to figure this out, now I get it, back off Dolly, you are not in charge of saving another or making them happy!
I was depressed and stress ate an extra 50lb. I was overly emotional, with anxiety. I shut down my emotions except resentment. Mostly I was numb and detached, going through the motions. Lousy options.
Screaming can be troublesome, so I switched to singing. I’m a force to be reckoned with at karaoke. I’ll swim, or just float with my eyes closed. Sit and stare at my bird feeder. It feels a bit more acceptable/productive than staring off into space.
You’re going through so very much. I hope you can soon regain yourself and your peace.
Everyone is different as for what helps them, me it's taking walks, keeping busy, try to keep a project of my own going, you have to do what you like to do and make that time. Which I've been slipping on that one. Sometimes we just can't get motivated to do things we enjoy, sometimes you have to force it. If you like to read , find a book and read, or craft projects. What ever helps
As for you still care, of course you do. I seriously probably would be there to help my ex husband as much as I could, if he wasn't capable of taking care of himself. Some wouldn't agree, but that's not my problem. I have 4 boys with him I wouldn't not be there for the father of my children. And I believe he would be there for me if I need help. We are family.
Weather or not you take care of him is your business, weather or not he treated you poorly and your still helping him is your business
The impossible is expected of us. There's little caring for the caregiver. I suggest that you stop answering the phone. You don't need to know every little detail, do you? You were going to divorce Mark, right? You'll need to work on emotionally uninvesting. Since he hasn't been nice to you, you don't have to stay on the merry-go-round. Go no contact. His crises no longer have to be yours.
Or is the divorce off now?
I have been leaning on my family a lot for emotional support and going to get more therapy to help out.