I don't think my husband has but a few months left. (He is still in denial and sent in his golf membership today. I'm pretty sure they will be refunding it.)
I can get a gravesite here in town for $350. Yep, you read that right! But I am not sure what the next steps are to keep things low-cost from the time he dies until he is put in the ground. (I want to be cremated, he says absolutely not for him.)
If I have to, I will put an "in lieu of flowers" statement in the obit and ask folks to contribute to the cost of the funeral home's services. To me, that is tacky but it might be necessary. I honestly don't want to have to deal with flowers any way. He made financial choices that have put us where we are but I'm the one that has to bear the brunt of his choices.
Please tell me what has worked for you.
I agree with other comment here...be up front with the funeral home.
Bless you.
I would do what is the cheapest so you can get him into the ground.
Prayers
She had a small life insurance policy that I worried would never cover the cost, and I knew I had to deal with it when the time came. I have siblings who were not involved in her care or helped financially. Mom and dad had purchased a cemetery plot years before, and dad, a Korean War Vet, was already there.
As I sat with her in her final hours, my thoughts turned to the arrangements. After she passed, I touched based with the funeral director and made it clear the financial situation and asked whether her wishes could be followed. He said it would be tight, but he would try. I made his job easier, as by the next day, I picked out the casket, provided him the obituary/photo, and gave him her outfit. He was amazed at how organized I was.
The immediate cost was $600 to open the grave, which was an out of pocket expense. I was beginning to worry about what the final bill would look like, but again thought, whatever it is, I will have to deal with it. The day before the service, I went to see Mom, and commented how great she looked in her casket. She did not look 93 years old. We had a small service at the funeral home and again at the cemetery as the snow began to fall. I stayed behind to watch as the vault lid with her name on it was put in place.
Back at the funeral home, the director presented me with the final bill. It matched exactly the amount of Mom's life insurance policy. He had discounted the cost significantly. I was very relieved.
Maybe my case is an exception. As already suggested, now is the time to have a discussion with your chosen funeral director. I wish you all the best.
I intend to be cremated after organ & tissue donation, then sprinkled (privately - my immediate family only) at the base of a tree that was planted in honor of my granddaughter. No embalming, no services & only a private viewing beforehand if my kids want it.
I bought a wall niche at the cemetery for my parents when my dad died. The contract stipulated that it would cost $595 to open it again when my mom's ashes were to be put inside, so Dad waited in my closet for 2 1/2 years until they could go in together.
My dad would have been livid about paying $600 just to unscrew a tile from a wall to put a box behind it.
At Arlington Cemetery, space is limited, so most burials are cremations unless due to special actions, and then the ashes are placed in the columbarium niche.
I understand there are veteran cemeteries across the country and, if that is applicable, might help.
A memorial service should be whatever brings you comfort - in a place that brings you peace surrounded by those who love you. This could be a local place of worship with a faith leader leading the memorial service, which is traditional. Less traditional approach could be at a park, a lake, the beach... with a friend leading a time of reflection about your husband and all contributing memories of love and joy. Meal is not obligatory but coffee and ice water is always nice.
I remembered how nice and natural my in laws looked in Europe without puffed up, made up, unnatural looking embalming, so I looked into it and found out it is not necessary. That cut out over one thousand dollars. We did not have a wake. The church mass cost nothing as she and we are paying members. We chose a simple but elegant casket. I did not write over the entire check because I told the funeral director that I needed to have a lunch afterwards. The entire funeral cost $6,300. The obituary on their site was free. I didnt order flowers. Thankfully there were two beautiful arrangements sent by cousins. It was simple,elegant and dignified and most importantly, extremely spiritual..just like her.
Cemetery was an additional cost which me and my adult children all chipped in for. (I now know to up the $$ ante for my end of life insurance in order to cover that too.)
maybe you can get him to realize that whether he is not cremated or cremated the results are the same…
Someone here suggested veterans cemetery, but that only gives you what you already have...a plot. SSA will give $255 to spouse of deceased and you can ask funeral director for forms to get it. Not much, but take it. (As a note, only a spouse gets it - odd but true. If you remain unmarried after hubby does, no one can claim the 255 for your death. Unless the rules have changed this year, it's been same amount since 1954!)
First, visit funeral home(s) midway between your home (or hospital where he would be when he passes) and the cemetery you will use. Transport costs money.
Ask about pricing and discuss your financial situation. Some cemeteries mandate vault in the ground to put casket into, some don't. Some areas require embalming and some don't. Some caskets are thousands of dollars and some are very simple cheaper material. You can purchase a casket online as well.
When you use any part of funeral facility, there's a charge. Cutting costs will likely amount to funeral home picks up body, embalm or not depending on law in your area, the casket, no viewing or services at funeral home - only do graveside service, and a fee to dig/cover the grave.
Very simple affair at a graveside. The location where goodbye words are spoken will not diminish the meaning.
Best to begin comparison shopping for both of you now. You never know what can happen. Wished would be known and you could start making payments.
On another note, hubby's optimism by paying next years fees can be a good thing. Better than living with depression and despair.
I know you don't have much time left to do this and I am sad for you. Maybe have a graveside service, a local preacher if you know one. If he is a veteran, the funeral home should obtain a flag for him, free of charge. Obituaries are very expensive here, but a short note can be entered in the newspaper, or not.
1) My mother died when I was a teenager, so I was not really involved in her arrangements (except for having to go look at caskets, which was so sad and traumatic, and her husband ended up going for the cheapest option anyway). But, she was buried in the county cemetery, and I was able to have my older brother's and dad's ashes buried in her plot later for much lower cost than if we had to purchase a plot for each. My other brother and I did a graveside service ourselves on the weekend when cemetery staff did not work, after the ashes were buried, and there was no cost for that. We didn't have markers made, but we knew they were there, plus we're not big on visiting graves anyway. If you belong to a church, your pastor or priest may officiate for you.
2) My adult daughter passed away unexpectedly several years ago. I was pretty active in my church and my congregation took it upon themselves to raise enough funds to pay for the cremation and a wonderful reception after the memorial. Tons of family and friends attended and participated in the service, with our pastor officiating. It still warms my heart that she had such a warm send-off in a heartbreaking time. My husband and son and daughter did some surfing and we held a "paddle-out" at their favorite beach. I created a biodegradable container for her ashes and they went out beyond the breakers and submerged them till they sank to the bottom. Flower leis were floated on the water at the spot. (I don't think that's technically legal, but we never had repercussions.)
3) My husband's sister lost her husband after a long illness a couple of years ago. He always thought he was going to survive and never made any pre-need arrangements. They had absolutely no money to work with, and no credit. The cremation care people suggested that his body could be donated to science for tissue and organ donation, after which the remainder of the body would be cremated at no cost, and the ashes returned. She thought that with his lifelong wish to help people, he would be okay with that, as were she and the family. Later, close family gathered on their property on a mountain top and buried his ashes under the first tree they had planted together decades before. Wife, children and grands each contributed to a marker of sorts made of rocks, pine cones and a plaque. Very low-key but meaningful, touching and satisfying. Also probably not technically legal, but nobody comes out to check. You just have to say when you pick up the ashes that you will retain them at your home.
Hope some of this helps. Wishing you peace in the journey.
Future condolences and prayers...