I have had a lot of stress lately from seeing to the welfare of my parents even though they reside in a nursing home. I tried to tell my friend this and her reply was, “Why on earth would you be stressed? Are they ill?” I nearly blew a fuse but remained quiet for fear of doing that. She knows my mum is in late stages Alzheimer’s and my dad in late stages vascular dementia.
Best of luck & here's a big bear HUG for you today!
I remember grumbling to a co-worker about need to drive my parents all over the countryside. She was shocked that I would even be complaining since my parents drove me everywhere when I was a child. I fired back, "that true, but my parents were in their 70's when I was a child... big difference".
My folks were in long-term-care, and in Memory Care. Yes, they were being taken care of, but it was the years prior to them moving that had slammed my well being. The stress just changes to a different set of stress points. Like the telephone. Oh my gosh, whenever I saw on Caller ID one of the facilities were calling, I was like jello and couldn't stop shaking for the rest of the day. The facilities had to call any time one of the parents had a fall, or were being taken to the ER, etc.
Then the MAJOR stress of having a boss who had a heart of ice, who didn't understand or cared to understand whenever I need some hours off.
Thankfully my current boss totally understood, because his wife had Alzhimer's for many years and he was the main caregiver for awhile until he hired a caregiver.
They all act "how bad can it be?" with me being pretty much the only person (my dad tries to help but he's 70+ and can realistically only do so much, which isn't a lot) taking care of her.
The lack of sleep for days on end, the not eating because I never take the time or am too stressed, barely being able to take a shower. Having not gone out or socialized with another human being in almost 3 years.
Then they have the gall to ask me stuff like "why are you getting so thin?"
I actually once over heard my sister (who's almost 40 and lives on the property in a trailer, real winner) tell my siblings I don't do enough and why don't I/I should have a part time job in between the 24 hour care, doing all the house chores/cooking, and running all the errands.
The only person I ever knew who understood the burden was a friend who had taken care of his drug addict mother. He's moved away now.
If you want to give this friend an eye opener, ask her to visit your parents with you one day...say you could use her help with something or whatever. It might be educational for her and might help with a little empathy for the residents. And for you. But if she’s not worth it as a friend, just limit your contact.
Short of giving these people a crash course in dementia and certified nurse assisting, they will never know. It’s not worth explaining. If a person has the opinion that it’s “nothing” and we have no business being stressed or anxious, I’d just turn and walk away.
Many times elders with sever memory issues are either abusive and/or no clue who their daughter even is. This also just adds to the stress and debilitating efforts involved.
i am not sure there is any way to convey that knowledge in words.