So many things Jacqueline Marcell says are so accurate and she says to put on the emotional shield to deflect the behaviours. I agree except that I already know that if I get upset with mom after repeating myself for the 16th time on every single solitary issue that comes up during the day, mother will get upset and we'll have a downward spiral that goes on for days. So, I pay the price for showing ANY frustration or lack of patience at all. It's really hard to not let anything get to you - bitterness, resentfulness - I actually think I do pretty well most of the time but eventually, I just am worn out repeating the same things over and over and over and over and over and now, putting on the emotional shield just means I am to be perfect ALL THE TIME and never, ever let any of this get to me. I'm really scared and alone. I can't just walk away for a few minutes b/c mom can't be left alone. I can easily see myself having a stroke and where will that leave her?! I just needed to vent this morning, I guess. Sorry
Keep coming back and sharing your story, knowing we all have bad days, we all are imperfect and that's just being human.
Carol
try respite care. We all need time alone and away. Without it I would surely not do wellat all. Not that I am great even with it. We are not perfect and it's okay. We just do our best. Sometimes I am pretty patient and other times I feel like if she says another word I will lose it.
Cindi
Granny is going through a "denial" stage right now - she was diagnosed with cancer and had a partial mastectomy in July. She has refused treatment and wouldn't even say the C word until last week. Now she is back to I am just not thinking about it - it doesn't exist. I don't understand why this is so difficult for me, but I am just setting up that barrier that you talk about. I have to be up when I see her and just continue like normal. I pray A LOT!!! She has been angry with me and short with me for the last few weeks - and yes, you are right - it gets so difficult to repeat and repeat and repeat! Sometimes we argue over the dumbest things - she just knows I am wrong about a date or whatever.
Hang in there - and I hope you get some time away to regroup - I always need that when my kids are on my nerves and when Granny is on my nerves!!!
Laura
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