Hi all. My mom, 59 years old, was diagnosed with early onset dementia about 2 years ago. She's been rapidly declining mentally over the past year. I take care of her 24/7 and most of the time everything is a battle with her.. from changing clothes to washing hands to eating. She thinks her parents and older siblings are still alive so she keeps wanting to go home to see them. Recently, she's been talking to herself a lot in the mirror and is being 'told' that her brother died, and she starts sobbing hysterically. Even without the mirrors she'd be sitting there and suddenly shifts. We've been like this at least once a day for a week now. I don't know what brought this on or how to make it stop. Anyone experienced anything similar? Any tips appreciated..
What if you say “do you want your bar soap or some of the liquid soap to wash your hands?” She might surprise you.
Sometimes reassuring someone that they are safe, and they are home with people that love them and will care for them.
There are no universal fixes, so perhaps it could be of some help to you to take a look at what she’s doing that is most unsafe for her and most difficult for you from the point of managing her behavior.
First two problems- the “going home” thing. Since there’s no relation to reality, the first thing to try is distract and defer. “We can’t leave now, it’s too dark out. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Let’s watch a TV show and talk about THAT”.
Same technique with the mirror. “Uncle (name)? Are you sure? I think they would have told me, and I haven’t heard that. I’ll call (name) tomorrow and see if (they’ve) heard that.”
The ADL issues? Probably tougher, because they require her to commit to what you’re requiring of her. You may have to sacrifice some of your very reasonable intentions about clothing, washing/bathing, eating, toileting to get a halfway reasonable degree of cooperation from her. Have you simplified requests to the bone, so that you’re not expecting actions from her that she can’t perform? Have you reduced decision making to choices between two actions? - “What do you want to do first, Mom- wash your hands or put on this shirt. Your call!”
”Are you hungry for a bowl of soup or yoghurt and fruit? Want a piece of toast with that?”
If you can come up with some incentives that can help. Are there any things or activities that she likes well enough to get them by cooperating with your requests?
Simplify as much as you can, for her sake, but also, FOR SURE, for YOUR SAKE.
PLEASE KNOW that most of what you try will only help some of the time, or partly. After two years, you know what a lousy, rotten situation this is, and all you can do IS ALL YOU CAN DO.
Make sure you are honoring yourself, your intentions for keeping your mother safe and well, and your love for her, as you look for solutions to the troubling results of her illness.
Regarding ADL issues, it's usually very direct things like asking her to wash her hands after going to the bathroom - she gets very defensive and it's always a mix of "I already did that" and "I'm not a child".
Im not sure how to keep her occupied throughout the day. I work from home so I can't give her my full attention during the day. She has no interest in TV, phones, reading, games. Only thing that she enjoys is dancing to upbeat music, which I use a lot to get her out of a bad mood.
Are you going to be able to care for her at home as she declines?
Have you talked with an Elder Care Attorney? If not you should make that a priority.
The hallucinations that she is having should be discussed with her doctor. They can be indications of different types of dementia. (you do not mention the type she has)
There are also medications that can help the anxiety.
I'm not entirely sure what type it is. When she was diagnosed, it was just "degenerative dementia". And she is already on anti depressants. I guess you're right that it would be best to discuss the situation with a doctor.
In terms of the future, I will continue taking care of her until I can't and she needs a nurse. I'm not too sure what to expect and when really. She is young and physically fit so most of what I have to deal with is on the behavioural/mental level.