Hello there. My 87 year old grandma was admitted to the hospital a few days ago unexpectedly for what turned out to be a gastric bleed. Several hours after she came out of surgery, her heart rate and blood pressure dropped and she was moved to cardiac ICU. I did not find out she was even in the hospital until this point, when they began to call me for authorization for central lines and temporary pacemaker (her daughter, my mom, has passed, leaving me as next of kin). At this point they were concerned but not fearing the worst. I should mention I had not discussed any of this with her, her wishes for possible issues in hospital were completely unknown. I did what I thought she'd want, a central line meant no more needle sticks at least. Well, two hours later, she coded and they performed CPR and got her back. I live an hour away and at this point, I got there as quickly as I could. They would not let me back as by this point they were putting in the central line and temp pacemaker. They said I'd have to come back in the morning. This was around 10pm. As soon as I got back home, she coded again. Overnight, her kidneys failed. Her doctor called me next morning and said we could either put her on dialysis and keep her on the ventilator and temporary pacemaker, or turn off the machines. He told me her pupils were "fixed" and she most likely would never wake up or breathe on her own again. I had to make the call to say don't do any more CPR on her poor frail body. And I had to make the call to turn off the machines. I was there, I spent an hour with her before they turned them off, and she slipped away in just 10 minutes once they did. I held her hand until she passed on, and for several minutes after. I'm having trouble with this. Can anyone offer their story of "making the call"? I am 7 months pregnant going through this and she wanted to meet my son so badly, I am having trouble with this.
I was very sorry to lose her, because she was the sweetest lady in the world, but the thought of her lying in bed hooked up to machines for God knows how long broke my heart.
So our PCP told the hospital no more intervention; to give her a light sedative so she would not be in pain, and hubby and I stayed with her until her sweet little heart gave up. She was calm and pain free, and for that we are thankful.
So don't beat yourself up. You were with her at the end and she knew she was loved. And, I promise, she will be watching over you and your baby. Hugs to you.
I studied loss and grief and caregiver grief became the focus of my master’s thesis.
I am now the age he was when he died and I have long ago accepted the decision I made as the humane one. I do urge people to let their loved ones know what you want when when you are dying.
But I urge you to let go of any guilt. You grandmother was lucky to have you present when she died. You loved her and you did the right thing.
Your grandmother was 87. She had a long life. A real shot at happiness. Now, your baby…. What wouldn’t you do for that little baby with their whole life ahead of them? I have 2 myself, and the answer is anything. I would do anything for them, not because I love my dad less, but because he’s had a long life, and they haven’t.
You did the humane thing. The unselfish thing. The right thing.
HUGS.
You're in an interesting place to witness both the end of a life and the beginning of another in a short span of time. It truly is a circle, and you're seeing it happen right in front of you.
Share photos and stories of Grandma with your son and she'll be memory for him, too.
This scenario - reasonably healthy 'old' elder admitted to hospital to try to find cause of symptoms. The toppling of the dominos that leads to failure of multiple organs often can't be stopped....as in your grandmother's situation.
You chose for her what you thought she would choose for herself. That is exactly what your role was. You did the best you could with the information that you had at the time. We humans do much want to feel like we are in control of events that we second guess ourselves even after someone dies.
You are grieving. See if you can find a bereavement support group. Hospices have them, often a hospital does, too.
The hospital did have to provide the care, and I assure you that you made the most compassionate decision. I had to make a similar "call". Care for yourself and your little guy. Ask your OB/midwife to help you find counselling.
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