My mom has often imagined events and conversations that never happened. Yesterday I took her to the dentist. She hadn't been in a couple years because of Covid. We were there for hours between filling out paperwork, x-rays and cleanings. When we came home, she thanked me for taking her to get her hair cut. I told her that she did not get her hair cut but went to the dentist. She said, "Well they cut my hair in the back a little too." I asked why a dentist would do that and she said to keep it out of her face when working on her teeth. I told her that didn't happen but she insisted it did. She also is positive that some neighbor in the independent living complex moved some things around on her porch because they thought she was stuck up. My mom is so down to earth that I know this is something she imagined. Other than these occasional imaginings and some short term memory loss, she's quite functional. Anybody experience this kind of Dementia w/a loved one? I worry how bad it could get.
These imaginings are becoming more frequent and I can't talk her out of them. I suppose I should stop trying but they are usually negative (except for the nice haircut the dentist gave her) and I don't want her to think them.
By the way, she has never been officially diagnosed with Dementia. She's a very active 102 year old who uses the computer every day.
You should not be trying to 'correct' your mother when she tells you HER version of reality, you should just enter her world instead.
If you are saying that your 102 y/o mother with dementia lives alone in Independent Living, then that's a mistake b/c it's dangerous for a person THAT old with dementia to be living alone. Things can get VERY bad VERY quickly with dementia & your mom could wander away at 2 am and get lost or hurt. I've seen that happen firsthand with a client I cared for who left his home at 2 am and fell in the street. Died the next day in the hospital of a subdural hematoma.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the because the person with the disease cannot.
Just b/c mom hasn't been formally 'diagnosed' doesn't mean she's not suffering from dementia!
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have to deal with.
Thank you so much
I think my mom is doing what your mom did.