Final stage of dementia, bedsore, advance directive of no antibiotics. How long will this wear on?
I'm still in a holding pattern. Mother is late last stage dementia, immoble, wordless, and has to be fed and changed.
3 weeks ago or so, mother's hospice team was barred from entering her care home since they had treated someone who tested positive. Hospice aide had been keeping a pressure sore from developing for a couple of weeks, but the home was not able to stop it.
The nurse has now been allowed back in to check mthr & bumped up her pain meds to methadone since it's a liquid. Mthr was crying out in pain when she was shifted since her sore is on her behind. Last weekend, the home called the nurse for antibiotics since mthr was running a fever. I pointed out to the nurse when I talked to her, that mthr's advance directive calls for no antibiotic treatment so that's been discontinued. I expect that whatever bug was causing the fever is gone since it was a week ago and there won't be any decline from stopping the antibiotic.
Mthr is taking in more calories now that she's getting Ensure, but still weighs in the 60lb range. They will insert a catheter so she is not urinating into the sore and causing more pain. My hope is that she will be able to ease into the night with the increased pain meds. I'm so sad they treated her with antibiotics! How long can a person have a well treated bedsore and keep ticking? This is new territory for me - it will be 8 years in June that I've had mthr under care.
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Hoping you get to hug those grandchildren soon!
One never knows what those old family members are going to say.
Long after my mother had passed, her step-sister, my aunt told me that she thought my mother treated us 3 siblings harshly. An understatement, (25+yrs. later).
There were no regrets not speaking to others at my mother's death, I was a state away in distance. What my aunt said was somehow consoling in a way, and I did not go "there" in my mind, the place where I could have gone, asking, why then, did not anyone save us from her?
Whatever your cousin's brother has to say to you, can be said later. No worries. Or not at all, your perfect choice. You have already given your all.
Just the same, I am sorry for all your losses at the hands of your Mother. She is at the end, and I hope you will have some peace about it. Try to distance yourself, and protect yourself from the details, telling the nurses you no longer need to know...if that can be achieved somehow.
Hoping her passing will bring you sweet release with no guilt.
And a new start for you.
God Bless this mess you have endured for so long.
How are you holding up? How is your Mom? Just checking in to catch up and see how you're doing. My thoughts are with you.
Gretchen
What a trying time you are having. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that people here are thinking of you. (bighug4you)
And the wound really stinks (they put out coffee grounds to control the smell). I'm really glad I did not go over before hearing this report. I know these people don't know my history and I don't feel like sharing with the care team (for those of you reading this in shock that I won't visit her as she dies, my mthr abused me and tortured my dogs. Ok, that's not the half of the abuse. But you get the idea.).
My husband and I are both at high risk with Covid and are not about to go out for anything - we already turned down a visit from our out of state grandchildren. So many reasons not to go. Nevertheless, I feel terrible that the nurses and staff have to clean the wound and see her suffer and smell that smell. I feel bad that anyone would die like this, but she's the one who wrote the advanced directive.
I have to wonder if God chose to take her out like this for a reason. I don't mean to sound cold, but her suffering reminds me of a specific incident. Perhaps this is that "Karma is a b!tch" playing out. I am sad because I had to suffer back then and I am thinking of it again and of what the nurses are going through tending her. Just yuck. Thank you all for your kind words - this is really helping me keep my upset from the kids.
ativan will help her brain with the pain too. Morphine and ativan was the the emergency pack given by hospice. Perhaps, give her ativan.. to help out..
Great big warm hug!
Do you guys think it's ok for me not to go over there? I already told the director that I knew she was not there anymore. I know it will smell bad since her wound is draining a lot and she's septic. I just have had enough.
I think you and I are very close in details about our LOs condition, except for mine, she’s my cousin and it’s been 6 years. I don’t understand how it’s possible for people who are in such declined state continue to live. I do feel for you.
How long has your mother been on hospice? How is her breathing? I talk weekly with hospice to discuss. Can they tell you much about what to expect. They tell me they just don’t know. My LO has been on hospice and in a very declined state, as you describe, except no skin breakdown for 18 months.
I’ll pray that there will be a peaceful passing. Take care.
Yes, I think that she could sleep it off on methadone. I have seen people pie eyed wasted on that stuff. They just kinda didn't care or know anything, very contented and chill.
I pray for a peaceful passing.
I pray that she can pass peacefully and not linger for months.