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If your parents are competent, there is nothing you can do for them without their permission. You cannot control their behavior, so you must take control of your life. I am a lawyer, not a doctor, but it sounds as if your parents may have mental health issues. If you can convince them to do so, they should be evaluated by a neuropsychologist and/or psychiatrist. They may benefit from anti-anxiety medications that will "take the edge off" and allow them to see and think clearly. In the US, f your parents are not competent (as determined by a medical professioinal), you could petition the court for guardianship and take steps to protect them. As guardian, you have authority to act in their best interest -- to make residential and medical decisions, including, with court approval, treatment with psychoactive medications and placement in a nursing facility. I urge you to consult a Canadian attorney who is knowledgeable about guardianship law. You do not need to move in with your parents or subject yourself to their abuse, but you may find some comfort knowing that you investigated the options. If there is nothing you legally can do, so be it, and move on.
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I had to choose either my wife or my parents. I lost my job because I went to my parents 8 months ago. I left my wife behind because if she came, she also would have lost her job, then what ? Getting a good job these days is hard, imagine both of us looking for one at the same time. My parents do not want to sign any power of attorney papers, they like to be alone at home but with either myself or my brother with them all the time. They will not accept leaving their home and wish to spend the rest of their days there. My brother has his own family with children to look after, he has little time during the day to go check on them and do the daily chores but it is getting hard on him also. His wife has a full time job and is tired to tend to them when she gets in from work. As I am back with my wife now, we are looking at ways to pay the 2 months rent we are behind because of my absence.Our bank account has been drained on living expenses for my wife even though she has a full time job but she doesn't make much.
With no car yet my job options are limited and we are heading soon for the third month of back rent. I know that if I do not find a job soon, any job, it will cause much hardships for both of us. I may have to end up working for minimum wage if it gets to that with any luck of finding one.
.The solution I have suggested for them is that a live-in housekeeper be hired that can also drive, wether they will accept that or not remains to be seen, but right now, I have my own problems to attend to. Losing 8 months salary, a job and a car has put a large dent on our marriage. What really hurts me the most is that my wife has taken the position as the sole provider and I feel useless without a job and a car.
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Arthur, it really is time to let your parents go! You can lead a horse to water...You need to take care of yourself and your wife now. You have tried and they refuse to be helped, so be it, now let go. When they need help they must play by your rules, that is getting all the legals done, assisted living, etc. I would not go again, you have been there and done that, let it go. Focus on a job, car and get the rent taken care of, ask for money for the time you spent taking care of your parents for eight months, if they don't give it to you, bye, that tells you something doesn't it. Get a minimum paying job, get a temp job, sell some assets, get back on your feet and don't put yourself in this predicament again.
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Madeaa is right. Quit with the "I had to"s. You made difficult decisions and some of them turned out to be wrong, even though at the time you thought you "had to" decide that way. Your decisions had consequences. But they were your decisions. They were not things that happened to you leaving you no choices. Own up. Stand up. No one said you had to be perfect and make all correct decisions in this life. I'm being blunt as hell today, but its just because I'm afraid you won't be able to stand up on your own two feet and go on with what needs to happen while you are wallowing in guilt, blaming the circumstances and not giving yourself the respect, the responsibility, and they power to decide. One thing that needs to happen is you need to slap yourself in the forehead, hard (don't worry it doesn't cause brain damage - I've done it myself enough times to be reasonably sure) and admit to yourself and to your wife that you were an idiot to let the crap go on for 8 months because at the time you couldn't bring yourself to refuse to go on the guilt trip. Get counseling if you need it; after all, the same parents that behaved this way towards you and your wife also raised you, and that could have screwed you up pretty good when it comes to having confidence and respect for yourself. Just my $0.02.
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Arthur,
How long had you had the job? Federal law requires time off for care of a family member once you have been in their employ for one year. I don't remember how long the employer is required to hold your position though. Check out Family Medical Leave Act. But, there is a process that has to be followed prior to the leave with the employer. If they dissuaded you from doing that, then they are breaking the law.
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I have been at the job for four years , the boss was really sorry to see me leave and also offered me the same job back if I was back within 2 months as he would have taken care of the overload himself as it was a slow time for business. I called him after 6 weeks and I said there was no definite time for me to return as it was winter in Montreal and my parents needed me the most to get around to their weekly doctor and hospital visits. In the beginning of March, 3 months after I left, he had no choice but to hire someone. Today I got a job interview at a restaurant washing dishes, imagine, an interview. What happened to the jobs that one can walk in, a few references and start working the next day ? I mean really , washing dishes at minimum pay and only 35 hours a week. Well, if I get called to work, then I will happily go, who knows, maybe I can work my way up to be a waiter.
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You can always call your boss and update him about your work availability, if and when he gets an opening he'll call you since he liked you and your work.
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