Lolaloud Asked June 2021
Does anyone even send flowers or cards anymore after someone dies?
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I give you this one thought to keep - I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone - I am with you still - in each new dawn.
you are in my thoughts even though I don’t know you.
Close friends do still send cards and or flowers tho sometimes they opt to donate to a charity in your mom's name.
I myself prefer visiting and giving flowers to the sick while they are alive as they don't know anything after they're gone.
Other family members might not think about giving flowers to family members thinking the loss is theirs too.
I'm sorry no one is at least calling you to see how you're doing. A lot of people seems like they don't know what to say to someone.
I agree that a close friend or family member should have called or sent you a card.
Praters God will let you find peace with your mom passing and know that even tho you'll always miss her, the pain does lessen but never really goes away but you're stronger than you think and you can do it.
I am sad too that my niece didn’t teach her sons to write thank you cards and I finally cut out gifts to them as they live out of state and I never knew if they liked anything I sent. Even my niece who was raised by my sister isn’t too great about thank you cards. I guess this is a sign of the times but it’s a sad sign.
For me, I will continue to call and send cards and hopefully it will help the person and set an example.
After my Dad passed ( before covid ) my mom got a ton of cards and on my side I got a couple of cards with the vast majority of condolences on facebook. Basically ‘sorry for your loss’ and then never mentioned again and on to making posts about biscuits or whatever. I don’t expect special treatment but it does feel very hurtful and dismissive.
I think people who haven’t been in a similar situation don’t get it, plus social media makes it easy to pop one’s head in and out of making statements without getting involved. The generation gap in mom’s treatment and mine was so obvious . It’s really put me off social media culture. That said I’m not great at flowers and cards but I will call and also reach out with a note and my # as well.
I’m grateful for the few who did step out, and now that covid is winding down here I’m leaning further away from what I call the ‘false world’ of social media.
Big huge hug to you, I hope you find some peace soon. And thank you for bringing this topic up! Hugs again
And please accept my sympathy for your loss. Being a caregiver consumes one’s life. And when that person’s gone, there’s a big hole.💕
My brother committed suicide during Covid, he was 60, and absolutely not one person sent any condolences.
I figure I really don’t have any relationships that care.
Seems as if no one has the time to drop a card from the dollar store anymore.
I have learned that you truly are here on your own, with only prayer to help you through this time.
Thank God I have a caring Husband.
Is it possible that someone did a memorial via Facebook, that you were not aware of?
I know it might sound strange, but FB has a function where people can write their memories and condolences on a memorial page. It's actually very nice.
Flowers and cards are more formal and perhaps people are getting lazier and more casual and do not want to bother with "old fashioned" conventions.
But for no one to acknowledge you loss or express sympathy has me worried for you about your own social contacts and friendships. Do you have people in your life who care about you?
I don't know what's wrong with people these days, I find some people (not all) have been selfish and only care about themselves. It's become a world where people feel entitled and lack empathy.
When my neighbor's husband passed away (and I don't know my neighbor that well) I brought her a box of assorted desserts from my local bakery.
Good for you for going to work and seeing a therapist.
Sending you hugs,
Jenna
I do my card shopping at Dollar Tree. I can pick up an eight- or ten-pack of blank cards for a dollar. Can't beat that! The postage costs more than the cards.
Heaven lit up with a mighty presence,
as the Angels all looked down.
Today the Lord was placing the jewels
Into my mother’s crown.
He held up a golden crown,
as my darling mother looked on.
He said in His gentle voice,
‘I will now explain each one.’
‘The first gem,’ He said, ‘is a Ruby,
and it’s for endurance alone,
for all the nights you waited up
for your children to come home.’
‘For all the nights by their bedside,
you stayed till the fever went down.
For nursing every little wound,
I add this ruby to your crown.’
‘An emerald, I’ll place by the ruby,
for leading your child in the right way.
For teaching them the lessons,
That made them who they are today.’
‘For always being right there,
through all life’s important events.
I give you a sapphire stone,
for the time and love you spent.’
‘For untying the strings that held them,
when they grew up and left home.
I give you this one for courage.’
Then the Lord added a garnet stone.
‘I’ll place a stone of amethyst,’ He said.
‘For all the times you spent on your knees,
when you asked if I’d take care of your children,
and then for having faith in Me.’
‘I have a pearl for every little sacrifice
that you made without them knowing.
For all the times you went without,
to keep them happy, healthy and growing.’
‘And last of all I have a diamond,
the greatest one of all,
for sharing unconditional love
whether they were big or small.’
‘It was you love that helped them grow
Feeling safe and happy and proud
A love so strong and pure
It could shift the darkest cloud.’
After the Lord placed the last jewel in,
He said, ‘Your crown is now complete,
You’ve earned your place in Heaven
With your children at your feet.’
As you noted, many people are "in their own little world." Also, many are uncomfortable when somebody dies and they really don't know what to say.
1) I suspect electronic means of communication have changed the way people send messages, condolences, etc. permanently. FWIW, methods that were considered the norm a couple decades or more ago are probably not considered "socially required" any longer by most people.
2) Electronic communication coupled with geographic mobility has probably resulted in most people "knowing" (i.e., being acquainted with either as friends, coworkers, contacts, etc.) more people than they would have years ago. There is less knowledge of each person's family--the people known are "individuals at some point in space" rather than members of known family units. This means less interest in the respective families of these individuals, and perhaps even a dilution of interest in many of those who are geographically close or better known to a given person. This could conspire to reduce one's feeling of "closeness" and thus motivation to use more traditional means of communication, such as greeting cards.
3) Regarding the acknowledgement of gifts, I believe a couple factors are involved here. One is that many people are well-enough off that they can buy what they need and want, and what they don't buy is therefore something they don't need or want--therefore, a gift is likely useless to them if it doesn't fit either of those categories. Websites such as eBay, Amazon and others make it relatively easy to find items ranging from the ordinary to the esoteric from around the world, so many gifts people give are probably not wanted by the recipients, particularly if the former don't know the latter extremely well. There are also some givers who feel their mission is to get someone else interested in some field or hobby in which the latter person has absolutely no interest, sometimes even after it has become obvious the recipient has no interest. In light of all of these, it's probably getting increasingly difficult to "buy for" many people. All the foregoing in not intended to excuse the lack of offering thanks to the giver, but it may explain that recipients don't necessarily appreciate the gifts as much as in the past. (A few years ago, I caught some "flak" on this forum for admitting that I genuinely appreciated very few gifts I've received over the years. However, I DID give thanks to those who gave them!)
4) Now, here's an observation regarding families. My mother's extended family was very small, so they could all just about fit in one car. My father's family was much larger, such that I've had many cousins (half still alive, others now gone), and now many of the cousins are either grandparents or even great-grandparents, scattered geographically. As a result, a point arrives at which it becomes impractical to keep up with all of them, especially as most are seen only at rare intervals if at all. Originally, my father's parents were the center of a circle; years later, the cousins are now the centers of their own circles, with many not linked to the other circles, like a "clone" that eventually gets so large there no longer is anything connecting the branches. This results in less closeness, less involvement in their lives, and hence the reduction of communication, including cards.
I hope all this rambling I've written makes some sense; please feel free to let me know either way!
Bob