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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I feel for you. My father dragged his abusive upbringing into adulthood and spent his life trying to grow out of his reaction patterns. Depending on if your father was at one time a good and compassionate parent to you, you could remember those days while dealing with these. You can, at the other extreme, recognize that your dad is out of touch with reality. He lives in a world of illusion, and his rage toward (whoever) you (remind him of) has no basis in reality. Those aren't his authentic feelings toward you, so you must choose not to be hurt by them. I know what a big job that is, but if there is no other escape from your father's original pain, it seems to me to be the only place to go with it. I guess you could drug him into unconsciousness, but that solution will cause more problems than it will solves.
As LME says, don't take it personally.....Dad is really not attacking you. And you don't have to apologize for something that happened way before your time. Is Dad under a doctor's care? If not then he needs to be evaluated and placed on meds to stabilize his mental status. Does Dad live with you? If so, you might consider placing him in assisted living.....that way he gets daily care and you can still visit with him, but there won't be the constant conflict. Good luck!
If his violence becomes a danger to your life or if he even says that he will kill you, then call 911 and have him evaluated. The man is in serious trouble and needs some serious help from an objective 3rd party.
What if you played along with it and told him you were "sorry for what you did" and hoped he would forgive you and that you loved him? I don't know this one is complicated...
Pouney~You have many good suggestions--By the way have you spoken with your Dad's neurologist about his lashing out-as there may be a medication to keep thinks in check-or it may also be another ailment----The professionals need to run some tests and evaluate the situation. Like it was said--Do not take this personally-It can be difficult at times, and if it is just walk away. I often had a tough time as well-and have an idea what you are going thru, Best, Hap
Try not to take it personally, can you talk to him and remind him who you are? It may be out of your hands. I am sorry this is a difficult position to be in Best Wishes.
My advice is agree with everything he says. The alz association says "the customer is always right." Also try depakote, works wonders haha!! Hang in there, he doesnt mean it, he loves ya!!
I have the same situation, except not that i look like anyone, but anything I say that may strike a wrong cord with my Dad about his past. He loses it about who did wrong by him in the past. There's no reasoning with him. So I just leave. Otherwise, I'd lose it and that doesn't help anyone. Just let it go. Easier said then done, I know.
I am guessing that your Dad gets angry over more than just this one thing when you are there. Perhaps he needs to see his doctor who could prescribe a medication that would help his moods all the time. My mother has alzheimers and her usually pleasant mood changes dramatically in the evening with "sundowners." Her doctor prescribed seroquel which has made a difference. Good luck to you!
Don't take anything he says to you personally. Tell him you love him and you are sorry for anything you did that might have hurt him. You don't need to apologize for anything he accused you of doing that you did not do, but to just say "i'm sorry". If he continues to lash out at you, you don't have to "take it". Just tell him you have to go.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Best,
Hap
Also try depakote, works wonders haha!! Hang in there, he doesnt mean it, he loves ya!!
look like anyone, but anything I say that may strike a wrong cord with my Dad about his past.
He loses it about who did wrong by him in
the past. There's no reasoning with him. So I
just leave. Otherwise, I'd lose it and that doesn't
help anyone. Just let it go. Easier said then done,
I know.