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How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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How do I start? My brother and I can't leave home until we ensure my mom will be taken care of first. We want to eventually put her in assisted living or a rest home but she's being resistant to the idea because she wants to age in place.
With dignity & grace. Accepting we may need help. Arranging & hiring such help. Running our household like a CEO or Royalty.
Or by pretending nothing has or will ever change. Live in denial, or fear. Refusing to help ourselves. Maybe damaging our relationships with unrealistic expectations.
Is it really about wanting to 'Age in Place'? Or not wanting to *Age* at all?
“Is it really about wanting to 'Age in Place'? Or not wanting to *Age* at all?”
Beatty - Thank you for making my own situation that much more clear. I think this may be the case with a lot of LO’s (maybe not all, but a lot). Unrealistic expectation of the ability/willingness of others to care for them as they age paired with the denial/refusal to accept that they are aging. It’s a recipe for relationship disaster.
In my opinion, you, as a high-functioning adult with autism, find a program that teaches people such as yourself basic life skills that allow you to function in the greater world around you and will teach you the things that you absolutely need to know in order to be independent.
Your mother needs a lot more help than you and your brother can provide. Plus, you both are young people, and should not be spending your youth on caregiving for your mother. Your mother has lived her life and now it's time for you and your brother to help each other and live yours.
Above is ur first post from September 2022. You say Mom has a Dementia. If so, its no longer what she wants, its what she needs. Is this a cultural thing? You can have Mom evaluated for 24/7 care. If there is no money for private caregivers, then you apply for Medicaid and place her in Longterm care. If she has money, place her in a nice Memory care.
At 29 you are entitled to your own life. You need you work. I would call Office of the aging and have them come and evaluate your situation.
If SHE can't handle her own life in order to age in place, then she doesn't get to age in place. I don't know that dementia has to be proven -- if she can't take care of herself and you and your brother don't care to do it, then her options are to hire in-home care or move to a facility.
Reading your profile tells me you have a lot more to deal with regarding your mother than just her care. If you can't hold firm to your intention to move out, then this is all just fantasy. Set a date when YOU'RE moving out, and stick to it. If nothing else, you'll have that physical separation that may force Mom to deal with her life, or at least it'll allow you a place to retreat to when you don't want to be with her.
And for heaven's sake, buy yourself a dress YOU like and ignore your mother's opinions about it.
You are allowing her to determine how you should live. This is a time when you should be out enjoying yourself, building your financial future, and your own family (if you desire).
The first step in getting a contingency plan is to tell your mother you can no longer care for her. Once she understands you can't do it, you can start to plan what additional care she may need. Set a date when you will stop caring for her and work to that date. If she doesn't want you help to find other help, step away, it is not your issue.
I lack the adequate resources needed to become independant
Fortunately, we have a lady named Cathy who is helping us learn the skill-sets that will eventually get us to the point of being able to truly break free from our mom!
Before I can give her a date to stop being her caregiver I must first have a place to be able to move to and money to be able to buy house
This is what I'm working on and it's why I am applying for a job
In creating a contingency plan, the place to start is your local Area Agency on Aging.
You call them up and ask that your mother get "Case Management Services". This will generally get you a Social Worker who will meet with mom (and you as caregiver. With mom's permission) and figure out what services she needs to be able to stay in the home without your help.
Thabks for the additional information, Miku! I appreciate your being forthcoming.
The first step for you is to find a job. You need an employment history. Starting with a fast food place (Taco Bell, McD, Pizza Hut) is great. They are all hiring right now.
WOrting will get you out of the house, expose you to other people and new situations so you can practice social skills. Work on developing relationships right now, not looking for love. Love will find you when you're ready.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
She needs to make arrangements for her needs to be attended to.
This is NOT your responsibility. If you wish to live elsewhere, do so.
You need a job. You need to save money. That allows you to move out and live independently.
Point A is getting a job. Without a job, you have no ability to live independently.
Getting a job is the starting point?
We can all Age in Place. There are many ways..
With dignity & grace. Accepting we may need help. Arranging & hiring such help. Running our household like a CEO or Royalty.
Or by pretending nothing has or will ever change. Live in denial, or fear. Refusing to help ourselves. Maybe damaging our relationships with unrealistic expectations.
Is it really about wanting to 'Age in Place'? Or not wanting to *Age* at all?
Beatty - Thank you for making my own situation that much more clear. I think this may be the case with a lot of LO’s (maybe not all, but a lot). Unrealistic expectation of the ability/willingness of others to care for them as they age paired with the denial/refusal to accept that they are aging. It’s a recipe for relationship disaster.
Your mother needs a lot more help than you and your brother can provide. Plus, you both are young people, and should not be spending your youth on caregiving for your mother. Your mother has lived her life and now it's time for you and your brother to help each other and live yours.
She will be evaluated and the proper level of care assigned to her. You don't state what her level of health is, so I can't guess at what she'd need.
You can arrange for in home care, and Meals on Wheels or something to that level.
You don't give enough info as to her basic health issues to make a judgment call.
Can she performs her ADL'S ? Can she walk without aid? Does she have any evel of dementia? All these are questions that should be addressed.
Truth is, she's going to 'age in place' wherever she's living.
Above is ur first post from September 2022. You say Mom has a Dementia. If so, its no longer what she wants, its what she needs. Is this a cultural thing? You can have Mom evaluated for 24/7 care. If there is no money for private caregivers, then you apply for Medicaid and place her in Longterm care. If she has money, place her in a nice Memory care.
At 29 you are entitled to your own life. You need you work. I would call Office of the aging and have them come and evaluate your situation.
Reading your profile tells me you have a lot more to deal with regarding your mother than just her care. If you can't hold firm to your intention to move out, then this is all just fantasy. Set a date when YOU'RE moving out, and stick to it. If nothing else, you'll have that physical separation that may force Mom to deal with her life, or at least it'll allow you a place to retreat to when you don't want to be with her.
And for heaven's sake, buy yourself a dress YOU like and ignore your mother's opinions about it.
Of course I want to move out
It's just I currently lack the resources needed to do so
My mom continues to treat me like a little kid and it's time for her to STOP pushing me and my brother around and accept that we are both adults!
The first step in getting a contingency plan is to tell your mother you can no longer care for her. Once she understands you can't do it, you can start to plan what additional care she may need. Set a date when you will stop caring for her and work to that date. If she doesn't want you help to find other help, step away, it is not your issue.
I lack the adequate resources needed to become independant
Fortunately, we have a lady named Cathy who is helping us learn the skill-sets that will eventually get us to the point of being able to truly break free from our mom!
Before I can give her a date to stop being her caregiver I must first have a place to be able to move to and money to be able to buy house
This is what I'm working on and it's why I am applying for a job
You call them up and ask that your mother get "Case Management Services". This will generally get you a Social Worker who will meet with mom (and you as caregiver. With mom's permission) and figure out what services she needs to be able to stay in the home without your help.
Thabks for the additional information, Miku! I appreciate your being forthcoming.
The first step for you is to find a job. You need an employment history. Starting with a fast food place (Taco Bell, McD, Pizza Hut) is great. They are all hiring right now.
WOrting will get you out of the house, expose you to other people and new situations so you can practice social skills. Work on developing relationships right now, not looking for love. Love will find you when you're ready.
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