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I have a coworker who started forgetting how to do his job. He has had some afib problems and is going to go to a neurologist for his cognitive problems. He is 75 and I always wondered why he wasn't retiring. He told me why he couldn't retire. His mom likes the apartment she is staying at. So he can't retire because he is still taking care of his mom.
That would be horrible if I am still at my job when I am 75 because of all the time and money helping with the parents.

Why does it ‘scare you’. It might happen to you? - plan so that your life works out better. He might make dangerous mistakes at work? - talk to your boss about how to guard against it. You feel responsible for him? - be realistic, you can’t take over his problems or his life, and I doubt if he wants you to.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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"So he can't retire because he is still taking care of his mom".

Well that could contain a zillion things. Working to pay for luxury loving Mother, or working to keep Mom in her familar surrounds, working for enjoyment & the Mom line is a cover.. or working so he doesn't have to be at home all day with Mother!

Do you work in a hotel? He's not Norman Bates??

Seriously, just be his supportive co-worker.
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Reply to Beatty
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Charliana, lot of people don't retire because they enjoy the work they are doing. Heavens, my boss was 85 years old and still going strong until he got covid and passed. I was 75 when that happened. If he was still around, chances are we would still be working together. We use to joke that we wouldn't retire unless it came a time we had to call Ubar to get us to and from work :)


Oh how I loved going to work, I would have gone there even if there wasn't a paycheck. And yes, I was also there for my parents who were in their 90's, not as a hands-on caregiver per say, but logistical.


A grown child should never pay for what their parents need. But then again, that is their choice. Who knows, may be his mother never had a nice place to live until now.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Hi Charliana - well, not everyone wants to (or may financially be able to) retire at 75 - it varies by situation. Plenty of people retire and become bored also and prefer to keep themselves active by working, if possible.

Whatever your co-worker is experiencing, it seems that he is being proactive by consulting a doctor. If it were me, I'd just focus on my own work and performance and not involve myself in his business - you're not his supervisor.

You didn't disclose what your situation is with your parents, so the best thing you can do is to discuss this topic with them to make sure that they are planning for their own retirement so you are not involved!
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Reply to Hopeforhelp22
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There is no reason for this to happen to you if you wish it not to happen to you.
Atrial fib is not involved in your co-workers problems. I am glad he is seeking help and diagnostic workup. In one who RECOGNIZES he is seeing changes in himself the more likely outcome is that he is suffering from acute anxiety because he has taken on too much and his own health mentally and physically is suffering.

Listen to your friend. And try not to take on what he is telling you. He is talking about HIS life, not YOUR life. He can give you food for thought as to what your limitations are, what you will do and what you will not. Being an RN taught me I would NEVER EVER do in home care for a loved one. I loved my job, but knew that 24/7 would have broken me in a week.

Support your friend. If you believe the work itself is suffering you need to help him address things with a supervisor, or tell him that you must. But I suggest you wait and see. Hope you'll update us. Your friend is lucky to have your support. Just don't absorb it; you aren't a sponge. Your life is your own.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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