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Who are you caring for?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I'm so glad you are coming to this site. These are all people who have been through different experiences, but they will understand how you are feeling. The isolation and exhaustion of caregiving can be overwhelming. And most people don't understand unless they've "been there." We all have been there, or are there. Please keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing. Carol
I moved in with my parents a year ago June. I was caring for both my elderly parents ages 87 and 85 and my two grandsons ages 1 and 2. I lost my dad last week after being in the nursing home for two months. I am now caring for my mother, which is very hard to please. She talks non-stop from the moment she awakes in the morning to the second she goes to bed at night. I don't have alone time for at least 5 minutes and she wakes me up if I try to take a nap. Everything is very negative with her, she doesn't a possitive or good thing to say about anyone. She is now blaming me for my father's death and says that she will never forgive me, be cause I had my dad put in the nursing home. My dad was happy to the end and thanked me for taking him to the nursing home. In one of our conversations he stated that he was resting comfortably and had peace and quiet. I am hoping that I am able to get some information and advice from others on this site. At this time I am overwhelmed.
RUNNINGDOVE I am so sorry for the passing of your DAD, I am sure your Dad was grateful to be away from your Mon and got much peace and quiet in the N.H. Try not to let her get you down you did the right thing as your Dad told- it is great he did share that with you. I can understand how hard it is to have the person you are working so hard to care for say such mean things to you after a while you feel they are right and it hurts. Many times when my husband was in Rehab until recently the staff was so use to seeing me cry-some of the bolder ones would get upset with him- once a doc yelled at him to not talk to his wife like that. You know you did the right thing and she knows it also but it makes it easier for her to blame you, she wants to hurt you. A friend at church told me people can be mean to those that they depend on the most. You will get a lot of help on this site-there are so many warm caring people here and will be happy to support you-hang in there we all know how it feels to be overwhelmed and at the end of your rope-do we ever!
How I would have gained support and benefit from this site when I most needed it. But I only had time and energy to explore the internet - when I found this site -AFTER my Father-in-law went into his final Respite stay, where he died soon after realizing we couldn't take him home again because we were no longer coping. That was just a month ago today. We miss him so so much. Had we found ways of venting the frustration and of hearing from others and understanding that this is such a common difficulty for carers, it would have been so helpful. Thank you, Agingcare, for providing such a 'linkup' site. I have you as a link on my blog to try and help people find you as soon as possible.
How is it that it seems our dad's were the caring ones and our mothers are the ones that drive me crazy. My mother is also negative, mean and has nothing ever good to say.
I have been caring for my mother and father 20 years. My dad has had 3 strokes and mom is just a nervous freaking wreck and can't do anything without my help. I am having a complete nervous breakdown after losing my home in Katrina and now having to take my parents in to live with me. I have woke to sickness everyday of my life for 21 years now and cannot literally stand it.
This is a great place to vent, but nothing is helping me. I would rather be caring for my dad by himself than my mom with no illness.
Had a physical, occupational and nurse come out today to try to get some home health to take something off of me. After them coming in, I realized all they want to do is to help me give me tips on getting him in the shower again, and getting him in the car again to go to the dr. or get his coumadin levels taken. I wanted some relief. I wanted someone to possibly come in and shower him twice a week and the nurse to keep coming home to take his coumadin so I wouldn't have to do that too.
I wake up so depressed and have lost so much weight that I find it hard to continue on, but do. I have two brothers that won't even take them for a few days, so I could vacation with my family. Have just moved into a house that I added a 1200 sq. ft. addition onto for them to have separate, but together, living quarters. Thought that would help me to not have to listen to the everyday complaints, but it has not changed anything.
My mom, even when we were living in separate houses, was always sick from her nerves and I would have to leave my husband and children to go sleep by her house many of nights, just because she was frightened. She don't seem to remember the way I remember it and there is no telling her any different. She is mean and selfish and I do love her, because she was a good mother. I just can't remember it any more.
It is a shame that it comes to that I have so much hatred for my parents after this long. I think and am afraid that I will die before them and never have had chance to have a real life. My dad took ill when I was pregnant and 25. My oldest daughter is 21 and I am 46, half of my life is gone. I think I am having a mid life crisis and just don't know how to face another day.
Marylynne, I feel for you. After my dad died, I have decided to get out and find a place of my own. One of my younger brothers has moved in and his wife will follow in 2 wks., the house is getting crowded. My mother is very hateful, mean and curses at me everyday. I, as you, can't take it anymore. So, I am going to get away as soon as I can and let my brother and his wife deal with her. I can't even get close to her, I cringe when she touches me and I am also angry. I need some alone time and so do you. The best place for your parents is a nursing home or assisted living. You need time with your family, as do I. I am divorced, but have 3 wonderful son's and 4 grandchildren that I want to spend time with. My brothers would only show up like doctor's visits. A few minutes at a time. The decision to commit your parents to a NH or AL is difficult, but you need to think about yourself and your family. Please go see a doctor, as I have, it will help you. Rose
I am so glad you have made a decision to get out of that situation and get a place of your own, just making a big decision on your own will probably help you become stronger. Let your brother cope with your mother, it is possible she will be nicer to him then she is to you-my husband took all his venmon out on me and was so nice to most other people-I had been told so often what a nice person he was. You are great for this site-you have been through so much-more than a person should have-you will be so helpful to others who have problems that are too much to deal with-bless you.
ChickPEA I hope you stay on this site and help those who are going through such hardships-I too could have used this site for the past few-really many years but now that I learned to be stronger after a lot of conseling and meds I feel maybe I can help others who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I still need the support of others friends can help but if they do not have your life it is hard for them to understand-please stay with us-we need yoy
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
I am so sorry for the passing of your DAD, I am sure your Dad was grateful to be away from your Mon and got much peace and quiet in the N.H. Try not to let her get you down you did the right thing as your Dad told- it is great he did share that with you. I can understand how hard it is to have the person you are working so hard to care for say such mean things to you after a while you feel they are right and it hurts. Many times when my husband was in Rehab until recently the staff was so use to seeing me cry-some of the bolder ones would get upset with him- once a doc yelled at him to not talk to his wife like that. You know you did the right thing and she knows it also but it makes it easier for her to blame you, she wants to hurt you. A friend at church told me people can be mean to those that they depend on the most. You will get a lot of help on this site-there are so many warm caring people here and will be happy to support you-hang in there we all know how it feels to be overwhelmed and at the end of your rope-do we ever!
How is it that it seems our dad's were the caring ones and our mothers are the ones that drive me crazy. My mother is also negative, mean and has nothing ever good to say.
I have been caring for my mother and father 20 years. My dad has had 3 strokes and mom is just a nervous freaking wreck and can't do anything without my help. I am having a complete nervous breakdown after losing my home in Katrina and now having to take my parents in to live with me. I have woke to sickness everyday of my life for 21 years now and cannot literally stand it.
This is a great place to vent, but nothing is helping me. I would rather be caring for my dad by himself than my mom with no illness.
Marylynne
Had a physical, occupational and nurse come out today to try to get some home health to take something off of me. After them coming in, I realized all they want to do is to help me give me tips on getting him in the shower again, and getting him in the car again to go to the dr. or get his coumadin levels taken. I wanted some relief. I wanted someone to possibly come in and shower him twice a week and the nurse to keep coming home to take his coumadin so I wouldn't have to do that too.
I wake up so depressed and have lost so much weight that I find it hard to continue on, but do. I have two brothers that won't even take them for a few days, so I could vacation with my family. Have just moved into a house that I added a 1200 sq. ft. addition onto for them to have separate, but together, living quarters. Thought that would help me to not have to listen to the everyday complaints, but it has not changed anything.
My mom, even when we were living in separate houses, was always sick from her nerves and I would have to leave my husband and children to go sleep by her house many of nights, just because she was frightened. She don't seem to remember the way I remember it and there is no telling her any different. She is mean and selfish and I do love her, because she was a good mother. I just can't remember it any more.
It is a shame that it comes to that I have so much hatred for my parents after this long. I think and am afraid that I will die before them and never have had chance to have a real life. My dad took ill when I was pregnant and 25. My oldest daughter is 21 and I am 46, half of my life is gone. I think I am having a mid life crisis and just don't know how to face another day.
Thanks for listening.
Marylynne
Rose
I am so glad you have made a decision to get out of that situation and get a place of your own, just making a big decision on your own will probably help you become stronger. Let your brother cope with your mother, it is possible she will be nicer to him then she is to you-my husband took all his venmon out on me and was so nice to most other people-I had been told so often what a nice person he was. You are great for this site-you have been through so much-more than a person should have-you will be so helpful to others who have problems that are too much to deal with-bless you.
I hope you stay on this site and help those who are going through such hardships-I too could have used this site for the past few-really many years but now that I learned to be stronger after a lot of conseling and meds I feel maybe I can help others who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I still need the support of others friends can help but if they do not have your life it is hard for them to understand-please stay with us-we need yoy
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