I'm the one who lived closest by mom and dad. I helped mom tremendously with dad, and then helped her for another 15 years. Mom died and now, I am STILL taking care of her....estate! Thankfully, because of the close relationship we had, and because she trusted me, I was able to have her complete her Will, Trust and sign over the bigger elements of her property to her Trust and 5 kids. So there is actually not too much wrangling about who gets what. The biggest amount of time right now is in cleaning out her home and getting it ready for sale---even though she didn't accumulate what I thought was a lot of stuff, there is still, a LOT of STUFF to go through. I am spending several hours at a time over there, several times per week, and one weekend day every week with my spouse going thru it all. Because of identify theft we cannot just throw paperwork in the trash---we have to sort it into the bulk threshing boxes or the recycling boxes (actually we're tending to just thresh it all).
I hope all of you out there have gotten your wills DONE and your instructions are very CLEAR as to how you want your Estate to be handled. Even things like specifying if you DO want to donate all your clothing to charity, would be SO helpful (versus feeling like all clothing has to be inventoried and offered to 3 sisters who might just want certain items....very time-consuming!).
For simplicity, my parents only left things to the 5 kids, and nothing to the step-grandkids or even their own grandkids, this has been a godsend since I don't have SO many people to deal with. I know many grandparents might want to "remember" their grandkids---but, please, consider the extra work it will make for your Executor, and just let the grandkids receive something thru their parent.
The other thing I am learning as I go thru the early stages of all this is, there is no rush to get things done; and yet I am hearing weekly from one or the other of my siblings, when will I get some money.....it would be been AWESOME if my mom had actually written instructions into her Will, that NO MONEY would be given out for the first 6 months, and that the Exectuor had no need to "report" on the Estate for the first 6 months. Mom has not even been in the ground for (let me count it....) 7 weeks and the sibligns are already getting royally Antsy!
I will post more updates as time goes on.
Everybody has their hands out just waiting for funds, now that is nothing but family fun time. At least you don't have to deal with MERP.
Have you opened probate? If so or if not, when you do get extra Letters Testamentary for every family member and with them send a short note (along with the LT) that states what the allowable time frame is for probate is in your state (put in your states administrative code reference on this just to keep the bs down) and that probate and settlement will happen within that timeframe. Put in something about mom in the note - like "we all miss her smile and the deviled eggs she was famous for".
These you send certified with return receipt (the green card) from USPO to every member of the family. Will run abt $ 7.00. Keep the receipt as this is an administrate cost of the estate - & you as executor get reimbursed for these costs (unless you are paying from an estate of account that has $). puts everbody on notice and equal.
Give hubby a big hug & whatever else too, he's a gem to be there and wading though paperwork with you.
But you, to have done the care and now taking care if the estate! And now the sibs that you would have appreciated help from, never heard them say "what can I do?", are now coming out of the woodwork, literally! WORMS!
I would put my phone on ignore, send them an email telling them this is a huge job and offer to report progress maybe monthly. The trust may require some sort of reporting anyway. Do what the trust tells you to do nothing more! If necessary send sibs and whoever else the portionof the trust if there is anything related to reporting requirements.
My sib has one heck of a mess! She has the position now needs to put together fifteen years of records. She just did not understand what her responsibilities were to my mom! Now she is overwhelmed! And if you don't mind me saying so, deservedly so!