My 98 year old mother has moderate slowly progressing dementia but she has no other medical problems. She lives in her own home help from with a 5 day week 40 hr week daytime home health aide and my 30 year old son living in mom's house and providing some supervision in the evening and nights. Recently she wandered off in the evening and my sister and I decided she needs more care. My mom has adequate money to pay for around the clock care and we can get more care through a nursing agency. My mother has been adamant that she wants to stay in her own home . My sister who lives 30 minutes from mom wants to put wants to place her in a facility that has memory care near my sisters home. I brought her to the facility to visit and my mother became angry stated ahe did not want to be in the facility and walked out of the interview.. Even though she has short term memory deficits and poor judgemental she knows she wants to live in her own home and she has not been legally declared incompetent. I feel we should follow my mother's wishes and hire additional care to allow her to live in her own home. My mom signed a designation of health care surrogate that designates my sister as primary health care surrogate and myself as alternate if my sister can not serve. My mom's assets are in a revocable trust that designates me my sister and my mother as equal Co trustees. No one has a general power of attorney . My mother and sister live in Florida and I live in West Virginia. My sister and I are at a deadlock as to whether to keep my mom at home or move her to a facility. Not sure how to proceed.
The caregiving arrangement cannot be onerous to the caregivers.
At 98, I may just let her stay in her home. There may come a time she us really out of it. Then you can place her without her approval.