Please provide some helpful insite to assisting parents who have not saved for nursing home care and have no savings and refuse medicad but can not live alone any longer because of diabeties, parkinsons's and renal failure. Mom is on dialisys and dad has dementia and can't care for mom any longer. And can't afford in home care either. Ugg we are at our witts end.
Step back. Stay back. When they need help, offer to help them apply for help. Do NOT offer to provide it yourselves. Your providing help directly is enabling them in the behavior that is frustrating you so.
It is time (beyond time) for you and your husband to focus on your own lives and to begin a family. Stop playing this nonsense game. Allow APS to get involved. I am sure that your husband loves his parents. He loves you, too, right? And let us hope he loves himself. No doubt he will experience some guilt feelings if he steps back. But the department of aging is right. There is nothing he can do at this point for his parents. There is lots he can do for his marriage and his future family and his own well-being. Put your effort where you can expect some results!
Stop enabling the parents' self-destructive behavior. Allow them to face the consequences of their decisions so that they can re-think the decisions. This will be hard. Don't cave in at the first resistance you meet. Consider counselling for yourselves if it seems to be too difficult. Come back here to post often, to get support for what you are struggling with.
Would Dad's doctor be willing to state that Dad is no longer competent to make his own health care decisions?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney and Medical POA for them?
Have you spoken to any agencies about this?
I can well imagine that you are extremely frustrated! Please provide a little more information and perhaps people will have specific suggestions for you.