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Read my reply to Lealonnie.

Your Mom may have lost the will to live. No anti-depressant is going to help that. It didn't my MIL. She did well with the death of her husband 20 years earlier. It was losing her house and freedom that did it. She was 91. After a UTI she went to rehab. Since her 3 sons all lived one to two days away. So she was being transferred from Fla to Ga (nearest son) to complete rehab. She was told after she completed rehab, she would need to make a decision which son to live with. She was a stubborn woman and passed a day before the transfer.

I would call Hospice and ask if they can evaluate Mom to see if she has lost the will to live. If so, then they can keep her comfortable.

To help with curbing the UTIs, you may want to try cranberry tablets and a probiotic. Lots of water. (may want to have Mom checked for dehydration. Causes depression and Dementia type symtoms) Keep wipes handy in the bathroom she uses.
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Hannah16 Apr 2020
Should I talk to her about hospice before I call them? She is very cognitively aware. I feel as though bringing up Hospice is telling her she is dying. I’m not sure that she is. She still has her appetite and likes to drink a Coca Cola. She just has zero motivation to do anything but lie in bed and watch CNN all day. She will not even change the channel. She will not sit up to eat her meals. She will not wear pants. Since this latest UTI she uses the bedside compose. Sometimes she poops in the bed and cleans herself up. When I come in she hands me a bag of poop and wipes to discard. I could cry this is getting so hard and I just am not sure what to do. Doing the very best I can and I want her to be with us.
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She’s entitled to choose her activities and treatment, or lack of them. But at the same time this is your home and she is an invited guest there. It’s not too much to expect a regular bath, and when the depression is bringing down the mood of everyone she needs to agree to the med for that. Have an honest talk with her and tell her these two things are conditions of her continuing to live in your home. And then follow through, handing her the med and watching her take it and overseeing the bath.
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Hannah16 Apr 2020
Thank you for your reply. I am going to talk with her when
she wakes up. This is very hard I have not had a break since early December. I appreciate the dialogue with others in a similar situation.
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Have you considered a Hospice evaluation? She (and you) may gain some peace from acknowledging the fact that she wants no treatment.
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Hannah16 Apr 2020
I have let this thought enter my mind. My dad was on hospice so we are familiar with the process. Mom has no medical issues other than high bp, high cholesterol and back pain from an very old injury. She is healthy! She is cognitively pretty with it too. But she lies down in bed all day every day. I cannot even get her to sit up. How do I bring up Hospice with her? This is very sad for me to just see her waste away. She was never too active in life even when younger so this is an extension of that but still very hard to witness. Thank you for your advice ❤️
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I personally think your mother has given up on life and that's why she's saying 'no' to everything. If she wants to continue living with you, she'll need to become a bit more compliant because you do not want to be an accessory to her demise, like she's insisting on. While she's entitled to live her remaining life as she sees fit, you too are entitled to see that her UTIs are minimized, and that she's being cared for properly. Meaning, mother, you need to agree to taking anti depressants, you need to agree to eating at least 1 meal a day with your family, to get my help with bathing 2x per week, with toileting, etc. It's not okay for her to turn herself into SUCH a burden that you'll be at wits end in no time and back & forth to the doctor for antibiotics! UTIs can easily turn into kidney infections and worse in the elderly who get them recurrently.

If she prefers to go to a nursing home, they will bathe her and medicate her there instead, upon doctors orders. Her choice.

That's what I'd do if were my mother. She doesn't have to become Suzy Socialite, but at the same time, she DOES have to be somewhat compliant and agreeable to living a life of minimal cleanliness and activity on YOUR terms. Your house, your rules.

Wishing you the best of luck laying down some boundaries & then sticking to them!
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Hannah16 Apr 2020
Thank you for your reply. I will keep trying to be firm with her. We never argue- she just sweetly says no. I guess I am struggling with the role reversals we are going through. This forum is a great sounding board.
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