I moved my mom into my home about 8 months ago. My dad passed away a year ago and she has really declined since then. Before she came to me, she fell which resulted in a hospital stay. Bloodwork showed she was extremely anemic. She went to rehab for a few weeks and then came to live with me. Now her bloodwork is very good as I am feeding her 3 balanced meals a day. My problem is that I cannot get her to do anything other than watch tv all day. She won’t exercise, come sit with us, eat meals with us. We offer to take her on car rides, walks, or just sit in the porch. She says no to everything. The doctor prescribed an antidepressant but she won’t take them. She says she is not depressed. She just lays in bed and gets weaker and weaker. We have had PT come in many times and she will do exercises for them but not for me or herself. She says she does not want to go to a nursing home but wants to stay with us. This is fine with me but I just need to know if I’m handling everything correctly. She won’t shower - lord knows I’ve tried. She just says no. She does a bird bath but I’m worried about cleanliness. She has had a few UTIs and I feel that it must be from not bathing properly. I installed a bidet toilet seat to help with that but have not told her yet. I know she won’t want to use it. We have talked about the bathing issue many times. She doesn’t want an aide to come bathe her and she doesn’t want my help with toileting or bathing. So can I just let her continue like this? I’m trying to respect her but this is so hard. She is 82. Thanks for any advice.
Your Mom may have lost the will to live. No anti-depressant is going to help that. It didn't my MIL. She did well with the death of her husband 20 years earlier. It was losing her house and freedom that did it. She was 91. After a UTI she went to rehab. Since her 3 sons all lived one to two days away. So she was being transferred from Fla to Ga (nearest son) to complete rehab. She was told after she completed rehab, she would need to make a decision which son to live with. She was a stubborn woman and passed a day before the transfer.
I would call Hospice and ask if they can evaluate Mom to see if she has lost the will to live. If so, then they can keep her comfortable.
To help with curbing the UTIs, you may want to try cranberry tablets and a probiotic. Lots of water. (may want to have Mom checked for dehydration. Causes depression and Dementia type symtoms) Keep wipes handy in the bathroom she uses.
she wakes up. This is very hard I have not had a break since early December. I appreciate the dialogue with others in a similar situation.
If she prefers to go to a nursing home, they will bathe her and medicate her there instead, upon doctors orders. Her choice.
That's what I'd do if were my mother. She doesn't have to become Suzy Socialite, but at the same time, she DOES have to be somewhat compliant and agreeable to living a life of minimal cleanliness and activity on YOUR terms. Your house, your rules.
Wishing you the best of luck laying down some boundaries & then sticking to them!