It happend several times that when I arrived at his home to take him shopping and out to eat lunch, he was undressed in underwear asleep in his recliner. When he awakes, he had no memory of why I was there although I had called the night before and prior to leaving my home 35 minutes away. This last time this happened I realized he needed to be seen by his MD as both feet were terribly swollen and a cyst on his back had flared up. The next day I took him to the doctor and he was admitted to the local hospital for treatment. He has now been in the hospital 2 weeks and has hallucinated since he got there. He is very argumentative when I have been visiting him and it doesn't matter what I do to prevent this. He just seems to want to "vent" this way but it isn't pleasant. He thinks ppl in the hallways are talking about him and has even said they have come into his room and just stared at him without speaking. Totally no merit to this. He is determined to go home again, but I have told him that I am just not able to stay with him, as I have done so many times before. He isn't able to do anything for himself other than fuss and argue at this point. He has been incontinent and has removed clothing while in bed urinating on sheets. I would be working day and night if I allowed myself to help him at home. He can't afford 24 hour care and neither can I. He has always been a handful and Mom waited on him hand and foot until her mind forgot to do it. He has managed with my help and some from my sister to go shopping and eat out. He doesn't cook, so it's frozen meals as he throws out anything we cook for him usually. He is tired of even heating up micowave meals now and has lost weight due to neglecting himself. LTC is the only option. This is a horrible experience for him as well as me.
Sounds like a Captain, going to yell & clench his fist, fight till the end for his independence as his ship slowly sinks. Gotta admire that really.
But yes, hard for him. And you!
He is entitled to be angry.
You are entitled to be sad.
This is how it goes sometimes.
(((Hugs)))
Good for you for knowing and keeping to your limits.
If necessary discuss application for Medicaid.
It sounds like he needs Memory Care or if he has significant health issues a Skilled Nursing facility rather than Assisted Living but while he is in the hospital a neurology workup could be done.
when it comes to discharging him discuss rehab
Tell the Social Worker that he can not be discharged to his home as he will not have 24/7 care and to discharge him to home would be unsafe.
Is your dad a Veteran? If so contact the local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine if he qualifies for benefits and if so what they would be.
You can also contact Area Agency on Aging and they can evaluate him for services he might qualify for as well.
You need to tell them that Dad can no longer be at home--no one there to give him the care he needs.
Reject any suggestions that they can find you "in home care".
Nope.
Dad needs to go to rehab and then be admitted to Long Term Care if he doesn't make tremendous progress towards independence.