Thank goodness for this forum which kept me sane for many months. Thanks to all of you who posted and answered questions honestly and thoughtfully. My mother passed away on Christmas Eve; She was 92. She was what could be could be considered difficult and, at times, downright mean to me. She would hug strangers who were kind to her, but she never touched me or had kind words for me. When she became unable to drive eight years ago due to macular degeneration, I quit the best job I'd ever had to help her and drive her anywhere she wanted to go. When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she wanted to die at home. She was in her "right mind" until the end, and she said hateful things to me up until the end. I learned to forgive her BEFORE she handed out the verbal abuse. Even though it was the most difficult thing I'd ever done, I'm glad I kept her in her own home, in her own room, around her own belongings. It made her as happy as she could be with her attitude and in her condition. Now, I don't have to wonder if I did the right thing or if I could have done better. I bathed her. I wiped and cleaned her. I fed her. I turned her. I didn't everything I possibly could to make her life the best it could be, and I don't want a medal for it. I just want people who are trying to decide what to do, to know that I wouldn't change anything except my mom's attitude - and that wasn't possible. I have no regrets except that she wasn't nicer to me. I can look in the mirror every morning and know I did the right thing. I kind of miss her, but I don't miss the stress she caused me every day of my life - and I don't feel guilty about anything. Looking back, there isn't anything I would change because I did my best. So, if you do the best you can, that's all you can do - whether it's keeping your difficult parent at home or putting them in a facility. Just do the best you can for unselfish reasons. That way, when your parent or loved one passes, you'll find peace. Good luck to you all. I know you need it, and may God's love shine on each and every one of you. No need to respond to this post. I'm unsubscribing as soon as I finish this post. Just know that someone out here is thinking about you and praying for you as I know you did for me.
You have learned a lot in the last 8 years and it would be a waste to see all that knowledge go away.
My Husband died 2 years ago and I could easily have done the same but I can pass on what I have learned.
so your comments...
I have always said as long as you can put your head on the pillow at night and say to yourself that you did the best that you could then you can sleep well. No one can ask more than that of themselves or anyone else.
Sleep well.