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After reading some suggestions in comments I decided to join. My Mom has FTD/PPA. Started about 8 years ago really,officially diagnosed 2 years ago. I moved her out of state 2 years after father passed. Her wishes. Once we moved here (been a year) she pretty much isolates her self. She is non verbal, Dementia issues becoming more prominent. I'm usually the happy go lucky person and gave up everything, work, home, friends, family to take care of her. Her support system here has basically jumped ship and its all on me now. She's still able to do her Daily activities. I read here, it's not up to me to make her happy. She's always upset with me, hitting me, giving me the finger. It can be really wearing. So much negativity. I thought I was helping her and moving her out of her toxic environment as she wished. Now the toxicity is here with HER. There's no escaping it, unless I go to the store, or support group. My son moved here as well to help support this endeavor and us. He works full time here now. I just can't get rid of the guilt that I can't make her happy no matter what I try. All she wants to do is watch TV, smoke her brains out. I was told by her vascular surgeon after ultrasound she has PAD now. She refuses to go to Dr. Also has living will in place , I'm her DPOA, and recommended Guardian. I cannot breach that decision of hers. She's basically a walking time bomb. I'm at a loss at what to do for her other than keep her safe, and comfortable, like her neurologist said. The other is after giving everything up, I feel resentful at having to put my life on hold for 5-12 years, if I make it physically. Lol. I'm told, you're such a good daughter, but I'm not feeling like one, but she's my Mom. I wonder what Bruce Willis's family or even Wendy Williams family is doing for them. At least this disease, which stinks, is becoming more known. Thats how I explain it to others who arent familiar with it. Its sad, shes finally st tge stage of her life to live it up and she isnt and cant now. So sad. Thanks for letting me vent.

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Not to diminish what any person goes through as a CG to someone with FTD--but having limitless funds makes everything a LOT EASIER.

Yes, it 'looks' as if family is there, doing the tough stuff--the reality is probably that they are there, sure, but the hands on, daily grubby jobs are being done by hired aides. And probably LOTS of them.

The reality is that unless you do have a pretty decent amount of ready cash, you are probably going to find yourself enmeshed in care that can indeed last for many years.

You can probably get something for mom to take to calm the anger and hateful behavior. My MIL was semi-stoned the whole last year of her life. That sounds awful, I know, but nobody could be around her for more than a couple of hours and not be dragged into the mire.

And the constant smoking--the fire hazard there is very real. I guess mom is never left alone?

We're still navigating life after MIL's death. She left a lot of sadness in her wake. Not sadness because she died, but sadness b/c she sucked the literal joy out of everyone's lives.
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I am sure Bruce Willis’s family has the best of care for him because they have unlimited resources.

I loved the show This Is Us but I also thought how Rebecca”s care was handled was extremely unrealistic.

I think you need to put your mother in a LTC facility. Find a way to make that happen. She has dementia, her brain is broken and she is unable to make this decision. If she is hitting you it definitely is time.

Good luck.
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You already know , nothing you do makes Mom happy , so stop trying .

Your Mom is old and has dementia , you did not cause it .
You can’t fix old or dementia .
Mom is not going to change .

This could go on for years . Your Mom is going to be miserable wherever she is . So place her in a facility . The doctor even told you all you can do is make sure she’s safe and comfortable ( not in pain ) . The doctor said nothing about making her happy .

Save yourself , you should not be living with abuse . Abuse is NOT OK ever , even if the abuser has dementia . You are feeling “ resentful “ . This means that this situation has to change .

Your mother’s dementia is ruining your mother’s life . Don’t let it ruin yours .
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I agree with Daughterof1930. Get mom on some doctor prescribed medication to calm her down because hitting you is NOT ok. If this were me, I'd get her into a Skilled Nursing facility right away because it's too much, all of it. Stop feeling guilty you're unable to make a demented woman happy! Long ago I chucked that notion with my mother who was the queen of misery and complaining. Where was it written that it was MY job to make HER happy??? Nowhere. The dementia made her behavior even worse, so one day I asked myself a question: Why are you jumping thru all these fiery hoops to make a miserable woman Happy? It's impossible, helllllllo???? Right then and there I backed off and some sanity began to return to my addled mind, finally. I still did what I had to do for mom by bringing her the needed supplies and by visiting, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. I was spent. After many years of trying and failing, I quit trying. Nothing changed for mom, she was just as miserable as ever, just as ugly towards me as ever, but I had changed. I just didn't care so much anymore and quit investing my SELF into her misery.

I hope you're able to see the forest thru the trees here. With PAD, mom can require an amputation at any time. Then what? Then she goes into Skilled Nursing care ANYWAY. Please look out for yourself in this situation and don't be a scratching post for anyone.

Good luck and Godspeed.
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Please don’t accept being hit, that’s abuse no matter if dementia is causing it. Your mother needs medication to calm her behavior. You’re POA, which means you make decisions in her best interests as she’s now lost the ability to do so for herself. Take her to the doctor, by lying about where you’re going if needed, use the patient portal to inform the doctor in advance about mom’s condition and needs.
Consider heavily if giving up income, social life, and “giving everything up” is wise for your life and future. You matter too
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Stormy, welcome to are forum, I agree that Bruce Willis, and Wendy Williams, is bringing out more knowledge of FTD and dementia in general, which is a really good thing.

I'm concerned with the smoking as far as a fire hazard, just a heads up

Vent away anytime . So sorry you and your family are going through this
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