Good grief. I am so freaking tired. Sad to say I don't want to be home for any length of time due to burn out and not feeling very angelic. I just realized this evening that I can't seem to calm down my inside when in-laws sit on the front porch and do NOTHING and of course there is the illusion that they are waiting for and anticipating something from ME. I was gone most of the day, my kids were with someone else - love that woman - and I am home and my kids are tired and....crying a bunch and I wish the in-laws could just take up reading for a hobby or......something. I need to do a LOT of things but also need to squeeze in some sort of required social time to MAKE them go to as I am SOOOO different from them and feel in a constant depressive state as soon as I get home. Ugh. Where do you go to 'find them friends' when they refuse to go to church with us, refuse every suggestion......and I am thinking - tough. I can not be your social life. My leaving the house for any length of time leaves me exhausted and frustrated. Better go make myself make dinner but am open to suggestions.
Assisted living is also a good choice.
Perhaps the first place to begin, though, is "in home help." I started with someone to entertain him while I did housework and other necessary chores. It sounds strange, but it really helped. After I got to know the caregiver, I went out shopping (grocery, clothes, etc.) I even started at a low key gym (just to work the kinks out of my body).
On the other hand, have you tried just letting them sit? That's all some folks want to do. They're living in their memories and current activity just irritates them.
Remember YOU are also a person. Your wishes and needs DO count in the hierarchy of what needs to be done.
Blessings on you.
How soon can you check out that care center?
Keep trying with the suggestions. Maybe you'll hit something they are receptive to.
Would it work to be frank? Maybe your husband could be the one to try it. What if he said, "Mom and Dad, we are so glad to share our home with you. I think it is working out pretty well to combine our households. One thing that would be a bit of an improvement, though, is if you spent some time away from the house on a regular basis. Maybe you could go to the bargain matinee at the mall on Tuesdays, or see what is going on at the senior center a couple of afternoons a week. You can find whatever activities you like, but I think it would be good for us and good for you, too, to not spend every waking minute in the same house." I don't know the nature of your relationship and whether this would work of not. Would it be worth trying?
I think also, though, it will help some for you to accept that they like to sit around and do nothing. That they aren't necessarily waiting for you to do something, and even if they are, you have no responsibility to do it. I have to admit, I think it would be creepy to have people sitting around doing absolutely nothing -- that I could cope better if they were playing cards or reading magazines or doing crosswords. But creepy or not, I think for your own peace of mind you'll do better to just accept them as they are.
(Of course if they were in a care center and they sat on the patio all day staring at the bird feeders, that wouldn't be your problem, would it? Try to make it Not Your Problem if they behave like that in your house.)
Perhaps you are so used to arranging things for your children to do, seeing to it that their social companions are not bad influences, and looking after their socialization and smooth functioning in a social setting, that you can't detach from these adults in your midst. Your in-laws are not your children. You are not responsible for finding them something construction or pleasant or socially acceptable to do. They are all grown up now, right? They want to sit on the porch and watch the crabgrass grow, hey, that's their priviledge.