People, please forgive me if you don't find this amusing. My sense of humour is my best defense against my 90-something mother's dementia and her constant unreasonable demands. I was inspired to write this when I noticed that I was almost out of peanut butter - and it occurred to me how my mother would interpret it: Perfect sense: "Hey - my peanut butter jar on the kitchen counter is almost empty! I don't remember almost finishing off that peanut butter. Someone must have stolen it! Someone broke into my apartment and stole my peanut butter!! But there's no sign of break-in. It must have been someone in management who has a key! It must be Eva because she looks Eastern European. Also, she's overweight, so she's probably one of those people who can't control their eating. Yes that's it! She saw my peanut butter during the annual apartment inspection last month, and she resolved to come back to steal it!! I'm calling the police!" We did in fact have to convince her to not call the police when she thought a small bathroom rug was stolen which the caregiver had taken out to wash. Another time she was absolutely convinced that someone stole her prune juice! She had hidden it under the couch and when I found it, it was past the due date so I threw it out. And she's so upset when we don't seem to believe her - she complains that we believe everybody else except her. Everyone here seems to have similar stories. Sigh.
I love it! My Mom has Alzheimer's, just had to place she and step-father in long term assisted living a few weeks ago. I must say that God has his hands on those caregivers; especially when it comes to my step-father....oye vey...and I'm not Jewish!
Both our daughter and myself use humor when things like this happen.
It's like really Mom, you think so and so did this? Well, you just sit tight and I'm going to set things straight right now! Nobody can come in here and mess with your things much less steal from you. Then I'd walk out and let the caregiver in on it and stand outside the door chastising the person so your Mom will think it's being taken care of by you. Then make sure they have extra supplies for her; that way you can come back in with a new jar of peanut butter.
See Mom, I took care of that! Any time you have a problem like this, you just let me know.
She'll be happy until the next time. It will be hard to keep from laughing.
People get way too serious about these conditions. I'm not saying that these issues are funny, but laughter is the best medicine....for you.
Statistics show that the more you can laugh about stressful situations, the better it is for you and your heart. What you have going on Susansusan should be looked at more like a prank. No one is being hurt and your Mom gets satisfaction. Then you and the caregiver can laugh about it when you're out of ear shot with Mom.
Laugh people. There isn't any harm with laughing and you're not going to help for doing it. Yes, it breaks our hearts, but wouldn't you rather remember the time when Mom or Dad did something like this and you were able to make that lemonade out of the lemons you're dealing with right now?,
I was like, "Say what??" And she pointed to a disposable glove dispenser with a pair of gloves sticking out the top (I guess those were the wings).
So my parent got a post office box where they transferred all their mail. Thus back then they were still driving they would daily go to the post office box. Mom was happy that the mailman wasn't delivering the mail. I just had to ask her, who do you think is putting the mail in the post office box?
My Father just makes everything up as he goes along. He's always leaving care home. Any day now according to him. Has tried everything to convince me. Place getting knocked down. He's on a course and it's finished. Going to live with his Auntie who died 40 years ago. The money for the fees running out. Asked care worker to marry him and invited her to go and stay with him by giving her a written note. Hes 92 and shes 38. He had correct last address and phone number on it. Tries to get me to take his belongings. Running out of energy with it all. Take it most on this site are the same.
Watching TV one night, we saw a commercial for a new TV show coming on, where a woman in her 30s/40s (but very young looking) decided she would masquerade as someone in their 20s in order to get a job she wanted. That meant hanging out with her new, younger, co-workers, including working out at the gym. In the locker room, after showering, she whipped off her towel to get dressed, just like the others did, and 2 of her young co-workers gasped out loud. One of them drops her eyes to the older woman's below-the-waist area and says in a horrified stage whisper, "OMG! It looks like my MOTHER'S!" and the other, equally horrified, says, "Don't you WAX???"
Mom looks right at me and says, with a straight face - "I think mine's gone bald."
Now keep in mind, Mom was *never* one to tell a dirty joke - that was Dad's department. She wasn't a prude by any means, but this was just SO FAR out in left field for her...I almost fell of my chair laughing.
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Mom was really resistant to showering in her later years, even before I moved in to care for her. The house smelled terrible most of the time because of it. So when I moved in, I knew I had a battle on my hands. Most of the time, she'd comply if I got kind of stern with her about it (because being gentle about it just didn't work). When she had to move into the NH, I knew it was going to be a problem. They can't *force* her to shower, so she would go long stretches without one. I finally suggested they try getting her into the walk-in tub they had. Aha! That was the solution.
Once in the tub, Mom was like a little kid again, splashing and laughing and really enjoying a good long soak.
When I asked her how she liked it, she told me all about it and how much she enjoyed it and how long it had been since she'd been able to sit in a tub of warm water. Then she pointed at her chest and said, "They FLOAT!!"
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Dad was in a nursing home for several months about 8 years before he actually passed away. He only had one functioning kidney, and it had failed, so he was on dialysis and also needed PT. (Miraculously, the kidney actually came back to life, something the doctors said they had *never* seen before.)
There was a woman there who we all said must have been a stripper or a prostitute in her former life or something. I mean, this woman was NASTY. Swore like a sailor, called people nasty names, spit food at you if you got within striking distance (or tried to get closer to you if you weren't close enough), hit people on a regular basis or tried to trip them or hit them with her rolling walker any chance she got.
She walked right into Dad's room one day and looked him up and down as he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and said, "You're FAT!" (And yes, Dad was a large man.)
He looked right back at her and said, "Yes, I am. But you're UGLY. I can go on a diet. What are you gonna do?"
She left. (LOL)
One afternoon, they were having music in the common room at the NH, and Dad was in there enjoying it. One of the male orderlies was entertaining the female residents, dancing with those who were able, or doing a small dance with those in wheelchairs and walkers. In strolled Miss Nasty, demanding a dance with the orderly. He didn't know her that well (poor guy), so he obliged. She stepped away from her walker and leaned right into him, and took a couple of turns around the floor - then she backed up and YELLED out loud - "YOU'VE GOT A BONER!" and just laughed and laughed. Poor guy turned 3 shades of red and told her that was the end of the dance.
She is still aware enough to know they are not real, and despite never really being a pet person (tolerated us having a dog growing up, but even later has told me many times not to get more cats when I lose them!), she is fascinated by them and what they can do.
Some weeks ago she showed me a picture of a little white fluffy dog and told me she was going to ask my younger brother to get one for her... erk, what? The poor thing would probably end up ruining her room/rug or starve to death!! Good lord, what would she do with a REAL dog? I had looked up robot dogs, and suggested this to that brother if she continued to insist... While other brother was here we stopped at Walmart to try to find some kid craft things that she might be able to manage and keep her occupied and didn't he find one of those dogs - so he got it for her.
But, I can just visualize what you posted and had to laugh!! Mom has not had any recent falls, but never takes the cat out of her room, so I wouldn't see that happening, but being confused by calling it a "cat" scan certainly could happen.
To go along with that, MANY years ago, when CT scans were relatively new, I was at the check-in for outpatient tests and they had a cartoon under the glass which showed a cat suspended over the table with a patient... =^..^= :-D toooo funny!!!
This is NOT about laughing AT the person, but rather at the ridiculousness of the situations. I found everyone's story interesting and amusing! Our mom was accusing people of stealing things and still does now (a pair of tweezers stolen by my brother, yet we found almost 10 pair when cleaning out the place!) Her "Boogie Board" I purchased for her to help with communicating was missing yesterday - I texted brother to see if she had it at lunch time when he took her out (it was there that morning, I used it!) SHE insisted that someone stole it, and they will come into your room and steal you blind!! Turns out it fell off the walker in his car, so he has it.
What all are alluding to is finding the humor in this situation (and like others, I have always maintained that as long as you have your humor, you will be okay, for ANY situation - I actually almost lost mine during an almost month long hospital stay. I BEGGED them to let me go home and doc finally relented, with home nursing daily visits and self-care, thankfully!!!) Without being able to laugh some of this stuff off, we will ALL go crazy. Laughing at them, no. Laughing with them or later about the silly stuff that happens, yes.
would be so dull with out It. Luckily for me and for my Mom She enjoyed a wonderful sense of humour right to the End, and my goodness how Mom loved Babies. When the Great Grand Children would call and visit with their Parents, Mothers eyes would always have been on the tiny little Ones running up and down and I can still see that smile on Moms face. We are left now with so many beautiful tender memories and how glad We are that We stood tall and Cared for those Who We loved and cherished. Rest in Peace.
I'd make a sandwich and walk to the dirt basement and return. He was happy.
I have a hard time remembering that dementia is the mind playing tricks on the person that has it.
While at the hospital Dad was bragging "you should have seen the other guy", "his memorial is next week".
Oh dear.... thankfully the Staff at the hospital just smiled. I was worried the police would have shown up to take a report :P
JoAnn, my Dad had a great sense of humor, but that time I knew he was serious because my folks were so lost not being about to go out 2 to 3 times a day. I just couldn't take time off from work so that Mom could save $.30 on 3 cans of peas at one grocery store, then save a dime on milk at another :P
Fortunately, my mom's dementia never advanced too far before she passed away, but boy, my grandmother's did (my dad's mother).
We often heard the story about someone breaking into her house through the attic windows, coming down the kitchen, getting food out of the freezer, cooking it, eating it, washing the dishes and putting them away.
1) Attic windows were nailed shut with 6" long square head nails - like mini railroad spikes. Right through the wooden frame of the window and into the windowsill.
2) Attic door was locked with a slide bolt, a key and had a steamer trunk full of heavy old clothes (about 100 lbs) pushed against it to keep it shut.
3) Freezer was locked and she wore the key on a chain around her neck.
4) Considerate criminals, weren't they - to wash the dishes?
All of this drawn-out story was to justify one single thing: she couldn't find her favorite skillet. (Crooks must have misplaced it on her.)
She slept with an entire kitchen's worth of sharp implements under her mattress - knives, meat forks, cleavers - even a rolling pin. No idea how she ever slept on that bed.
She also thought she was a federal agent for the DEA, FBI, CIA or just "working for President Bush" - depending on the day.
She called us one day to say she was coming to visit - a 10 hour drive at the least. My dad and aunt tried to tell her not to, but nothing doing - she was coming. She left and started driving...and never showed up. (This was in pre-cell phone days, so no way to reach her.) 24 hours later, still no appearance at our house or my aunt's. State police were called and an alert was put out to watch out for her. Several days later, she showed up at my aunt's house - no story about where she'd been all that time, or any explanation. She stayed a few weeks with us and a few with my aunt before she went home (someone traveled with her this time). During the time she was here, she pulled the "secret agent" bit every single day. She'd fill a thermos with hot coffee, take her coffee and cigarettes out to the yard and park herself in a lawn chair behind the shrub and spy on the neighbors, wearing a blue felt fedora-style hat that she would pull down over her dark sunglasses - her "disguise".
It's kind of comical to think of all this now - but we recognize it for what it was - dementia. She'd always had some form of mental illness - you couldn't be mentally healthy and treat your children the way she did - but dementia just put it over the top.
Then there was my (then) husband's father. We moved his parents in with us - my idea - when his father's cancer became advanced and the anoxia was causing his personality to go off the rails. He was always an abusive drunk as a younger man, so when the dementia started, and then the anoxia kicked in, causing lack of oxygen to his brain, it was a perfect storm of symptoms that sent him completely off the rails.
Most days, he loved me, and told me I was the best thing that ever happened to his son, and I was an angel for taking them into my home.
Other days....
These were his favorite accusations towards me:
- I was a prostitute.
- I married his son for his money. (I laughed right out loud at that one - I told him that was like saying I married him for his big you-know-what...hubby got a little offended by that one.)
- I was a witch and had put a spell on his wife so she wouldn't listen to him anymore.
That last one was my favorite, and the most interesting one. He kept insisting over and over that I was a witch and I'd put a spell on his wife so that she wouldn't listen to him. One day, he called me into his room and said (again) that he knew I'd put a spell on his wife, but if I'd take it off, then we'd be "ok" again. Ok - fine. So I walked into the other room, called his wife's name, and when she looked up, I wiggled my fingers at her and said, "BOOGADA BOOGADA!" She looked at me like I'd lost my mind - I told her I was taking the spell off. LOL
Went back in his room and told him it was done - he said, "Ok, now we're friends again."
Until the next time, at least.
Dad came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea. He would have my Mom [also in her 90's] do the driving. I had to remind Dad that Mom was legal blind due to macular degeneration.
Dad remembered Mom couldn't see, but he said he could just tell Mom when to stop, when to go, when to turn, then they could go driving again.....
"Ah, Dad, Mom is also deaf"
"Oh"