After all the wonderful feedback I received about how to deal with husband's repair and maintenance expectations, hubby and I met with our Pastor - whom he likes ...and trusts. We were each able to let out some of the feelings we've had and vent some of our frustrations. The pastor was able to present my case in a way that my husband was receptive to and also give me some communication 'triggers' that my husband will readily recognize as signals to back down from pushing further.
It will take some practice for us to get it right (or at least try to get it right). But, I'm pretty proud of my 84 year old husband. As hard as it is for me as a caregiver, his struggles have to be something more so.
So...I put one foot in front of the other, with a bit of hope that the next confrontation might take a different path. Blessings to all...
Thanks for sharing your experience!