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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Don’t let your dad bully you. As his Alzheimers gets worse, he will start to get more aggressive and demanding. Ask the doctor for some meds to take care of the aggression, lying and manipulation, when it starts. Take control and take the wine away. My dad was super difficult and got very belligerent when I took his credit cards, money, checks and forwarded his mail to my address. He wanted full control, but he was getting in trouble. Predators were starting to target him and it was getting unsafe. His neighborhood is now full of drug addicts. Two of them followed him home from the grocery store. That was the last straw. I now have cameras everywhere and I care for him full-time, until I can place him. He smokes making it difficult. He has dug in his heels and will not leave his house. My father is also an alcoholic. He will deny it, but he has 6 DUI’s. Time for tough love. He will get over it. My father did. You deserve to have less stress and alcohol is the worst, especially when your parent has dementia and has narcissistic tendencies. So much can go wrong, and worrying will kill you. You need to take care of you. The way to do that is to take away all sources that can enable your dad to get in trouble snd cause unneeded trauma for you. My father is 91.5 yrs old, and this generation is particularly stubborn. I’m so sorry you’ve grown up with an addict. I completely understand, as I grew up with one as well. There is no reasoning with an addict, as we know, and the stakes get higher as they age. So much can go wrong. Take his money away, if that’s possible. I promise you, you will feel a sense of relief, when you go to the store. I’m sorry. You are a wonderful daughter. Tell the grocery store where you shop that he has dementia and is not allowed to purchase alcohol. They will help you. Tell them his meds and alcohol could kill him. They will not sell it to him.
Mom is codependent and in denial. Her husband (my dad) isn't "really" an alcoholic, not "really" addicted. They are both 92 and in independent living with some services for her (bathing and dressing). She has Parkinson's and is so weak and unstable we are talking about a wheelchair instead of her walker. Dad, early stages of Alzheimers/dementia (only diagnosed as mild cognitive decline) is still her major caretaker during the day, and at night when she's up to go to the bathroom. After a major disruptive episode six months ago, when the staff had to be called at 2am to get him calmed down and into bed, he was forced (by all of us) to stop drinking altogether, but has gradually increased his nightly wine intake. Had a zoom conference with his doctor, in which she reminded him of the interactions between alcohol and the Prozac and Trazodone he's taking. Neither parent remembers that conversation. Now he argues that the one glass/night that the dining service will give him ($4/glass shows up on their monthly bill) is not enough and he wants me to take him to the grocery story to buy his own bottle. We argued about it last week and I told him I would not take him. (He doesn't drive and would get lost walking to and from the grocery store.) But he managed to pick it up and pay for it when we were there for other necessities. I had a heart-to-heart with mom yesterday. Said I was mostly concerned about his ability to care for her after he'd been drinking. She pooh-poohed that. She thinks she's fine. We raised the possibility that they might need to move to a facility with more services for her, but it will be hard-impossible finding something that suits them both. He's campaigning to get back to the grocery store. (Could be funny - he will never admit that's his mission - blames it on my mom needing more "pee pads.")
After a lifetime (67 years!) of dealing with his drinking, managing him best I can (he sometimes listens to me, which makes me the family problem solver), and listening to her denial/excuses one minute, while turning to me in the next minute to fix her problems - I am worn out. I am as frustrated with her for playing the martyr role her whole life as I am with him for his manipulation and duplicity.
Thanks for reading. I've read the other comments and I realize Al-Anon is maybe the next place for me, too.
I feel your pain. I grew up with addiction in my family. My oldest brother died with liver issues. It’s terribly sad. He knew that he would not live to be an old man. He died shortly before turning 70.
It is painful and confusing living with an addict. I desperately tried to help my brother. I am fully aware that it is a disease and I absolutely loved and was a caregiver for my brother. I had enormous compassion for him. Still, that doesn’t take away the pain of dealing with their addiction day in and day out.
I sought support from Al-Anon and from a therapist. I ended up having to cut my brother off in order to save my own sanity. Things got worse, before getting better. He became homeless for awhile. A man took pity on him and near the end of his life he took my brother to a hospice house where he died peacefully. We made peace before his death. I completely forgave him for the hurt that he caused me due to his addiction. Deep inside of him. he had a good heart and there were many times that I longed for the big brother that I had before his addiction, who was kind and loving.
It’s complicated, isn’t it? All of us have our own individual circumstances. Do what you feel is best for your situation.
Take care. Wishing you peace during this challenging time in your life.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Groceries can be ordered & delivered to the IL, yes? Oops.. forgot the wine.. but lucky you, some bottles of pomegranate juice made it in the cart.
What does the Godfather have on her Laundry List for you to do this week?
After a lifetime (67 years!) of dealing with his drinking, managing him best I can (he sometimes listens to me, which makes me the family problem solver), and listening to her denial/excuses one minute, while turning to me in the next minute to fix her problems - I am worn out. I am as frustrated with her for playing the martyr role her whole life as I am with him for his manipulation and duplicity.
Thanks for reading. I've read the other comments and I realize Al-Anon is maybe the next place for me, too.
It is painful and confusing living with an addict. I desperately tried to help my brother. I am fully aware that it is a disease and I absolutely loved and was a caregiver for my brother. I had enormous compassion for him. Still, that doesn’t take away the pain of dealing with their addiction day in and day out.
I sought support from Al-Anon and from a therapist. I ended up having to cut my brother off in order to save my own sanity. Things got worse, before getting better. He became homeless for awhile. A man took pity on him and near the end of his life he took my brother to a hospice house where he died peacefully. We made peace before his death. I completely forgave him for the hurt that he caused me due to his addiction. Deep inside of him. he had a good heart and there were many times that I longed for the big brother that I had before his addiction, who was kind and loving.
It’s complicated, isn’t it? All of us have our own individual circumstances. Do what you feel is best for your situation.
Take care. Wishing you peace during this challenging time in your life.