This morning I posted about the roller coaster my family was on with elderly Mom with dementia suffering septic shock and kidney failure. Sent to nursing home to die. Had been 18 days without food and 5 days without water and continued to linger.
One person responded that Mom possibly had subconscious "unfinished business" that kept her lingering. I made a very short selfie video with my dog and said, "Hi Mom, We love you" and sent via text message to my sister. I had not been able to talk with Mom or visit for two years.
Early evening my sister sent me a pic of Mom dressed and down in dining room at nursing home. Mom ate ice cream and custard (hadn't been swallowing for a month). My sister had a precious hour with Mom lucid and very alert. She didn't speak but seemed to understand. My sister played my short video for her a couple of times. My sister said her face lit up and was pretty sure she recognized my voice saying "We love you." Many of the patients came up and told Mom how nice it was to see her up.
My sister went home. Thirty minutes later she got the call. Mom had passed. After her time in the dining room, they put her to bed at the nursing home and just 5 minutes later her heart just stopped beating.
We are very sad but relieved.
I read several articles last week about "Terminal Lucidity" or "last hurrah". Wondered if Mom would come out of her stupor before death but was doubtful. I was a bit surprised when my sister said Mom was very alert and lucid. But I also had a premonition that this might be the end. I was concerned that the nursing home had gotten my sister all excited and thinking Mom was going to recover. In my heart, I just felt that this was Mom's Last Hurrah. Maybe she was waiting to hear from me. Maybe she just wanted to see her friends at the nursing home for the last time. As I anticipated, my sister is crushed. She was so excited seeing Mom lucid and eating Ice Cream. I then explained to her about Terminal Lucidity/Last Hurrah. I told her to treasure that precious hour she had with Mom today and let that memory be a comfort. She received a special gift that few experience before a loved one's death.
She passed very quickly and peacefully. I am very comforted that I had a chance to tell her I loved her in my short selfie video.
Not for you as much as for others. When my stepfather was close to death, the palliative care staff gave us a wonderful pamphlet on the dying process. It can literally take years but once on that path you don’t get better. You might have better days or hours but it’s on a set course. It was such a good resource because I could see my stepfather had been going through those steps for about 2 years, my mother is on that course now. Imo it’s good to prepare yourself emotionally and understand the process that’s happening. If you have a palliative care team or hospice, please see if they have similar materials you can look at.
You are right about the terminal lucidity. As a hospice volunteer I have seen it happen on many occasions. The rally is so deceiving. It does bring false hope to those who witness it. I'm so happy that you sent that video to your mom and that your sister was able to share it with her.
I'm praying that your sister takes your words to heart and cherishes the time she got to spend with your mom in her final hours.
Prayers and positive energy going out to you and your family.
How wonderful that your mother could have that one "last hurrah" and your sister being with her. What a priceless memory.
My mom, too, had her last hurrah. She was mostly bed-bound, but one afternoon when both sisters came to visit, all four of us had a rousing game of rummy and Mom was lucid and laughing. I wondered if this was her last hurrah. I put her to bed that Thursday evening. She never woke up and passed Sunday morning.
My mom had the same death rally on her birthday when she was eating, talking, and alerting. Then, she died about a week later. We all didn’t see it coming. Although, we were wondering why her eyes were so widely opened when she saw us on her birthday, and I thought it was so weird. I am so happy that I kept telling her that I love her every single day. I did not know that was her death rally until I read about it about months later.
I was prepared with my dad, but he didn’t have it. His death was very quick after he found out that he had lungs cancer two days before he died.
I’ve also heard stories of people rallying just before death. I never knew it had a name.
God Gives them a Chance to Say God-bye, You to Cry and to Enjoy Them for the Last Time...
I'm so sorry for your loss. But happy that your mom's long ordeal is over.
Your sister was blessed to have those last lucid moments with your mom.
God bless you. Hugs!
I am so sorry for your loss.