My husband has many medical issues, cardiovascular disease with three heart attacks, multiple bypasses and stents. He has non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver, kidney failure, neuropathy and type 2 diabetes. He is, and always has been, in complete denial about the severity of his conditions and his actions having caused any of this. He denied he had diabetes right up to the point where the doctor in the emergency room (his first heart attack) interrupted his arguing to inform him, in no uncertain terms, that his blood sugar was at 820, he was diabetic and no amount of argument would change that.
No matter what any doctor tells him he just doesn’t seem to hear the bad parts and within a few days he’s managed to turn everything around and made it OK. This allows him to not do as the doctors order.
He can’t drive due to diabetic ulcers on his feet and an inability to stay awake due to his heart. I don’t buy much junk food when I go grocery shopping. I’m not draconian about it but I try to limit the sugar. If he wants ice cream I’ll buy a small container. If he asks for cookies, I buy one or two gourmet cookies from the bakery. He won’t eat anything that’s artificially sweetened. It’s sugar all the way. He even puts sugar on all his fruit.
Well, he’s now discovered online grocery delivery services. Anything the store sells he can have at the door in a few hours. I came home from work to discover three gallons of ice cream, in the freezer, several large packages of candy bars and two bags of cookies.
I’ve officially reached the “I give up” stage. My husband is an adult and I simply can’t stop him from self-destructing. He’s 71 years old and anyone would mistake him for 90. The way he looks and shuffles around. He’s definitely paying the piper in his old age. I’ve done everything in my power and I can look at myself in the mirror and not feel that there was something else I could have done. I will continue to take him to medical appointments, change his dressings and get his prescriptions filled and do anything else that's needed. I'll do what I can to keep him comfortable, but I’m absolutely done with hope. He isn't going to change and frankly, if he did, it's too late anyway. Oddly enough, I've discovered that there is a certain amount of relief that came when I gave up. I should have done this years ago. Thanks for listening to my rant.
Llamover47
The only thing is, and I don't for a moment mean that this is for you to do - has your husband been examined by a psychiatrist? This is addictive behaviour - "don't tell me anything that makes me love sugar less, I won't hear it" - and sugar is a wicked culprit for that kind of thing. It isn't the sweetness, even, either - it is the sugar itself and what it does to hormones like leptin that control appetite. Some people are more vulnerable than others, and it looks as if your poor and too-young DH is a prime example.
It's just a thought. And anyway, nothing you can do can alter that - hand him over to any professionals who might want to try.
Your alternative is institutional care for him - is there a financial path to assisted living? Is that part of his plan when he chooses the short-term gratification of home-delivery ice cream? Ask him how he plans to pay for his care. How about a medical divorce, then only his money would be considered if he can't afford private pay? I am so frustrated by all of these stories of women whose husbands run the family into the ground financially during the HUSBAND's lifetime, leaving their widows impoverished. He's getting what he wants. Is this what HE wants for YOU? Is this what YOU want?
My husband won't cut back on carbs even a little and does nothing but watch TV all day. Other than come upstairs to get food or take the trash out once in a while, he honestly does nothing. He works a part-time seasonal job from home on the computer a few months out of the year, but other than that he feels entitled to just sit. He doesn't help with any cleaning or cooking, and I can't even get him to sweep out the garage. It's all on me, including keeping track of our finances and making most decisions. It's like being married to a 5-year-old.
His blood sugar is so high that his doctor says she wants to put him on insulin if it doesn't improve, which it won't. If I don't have stuff in the house that he wants to eat, he bugs me to go out to eat all the time, which we cannot afford. I feel guilty if I buy things he shouldn't eat, but then he just wants to eat out. I am between a rock and a hard place. He is also becoming increasingly irritable, and all he ever talks about is what he watches on TV or youtube. I, too, am fed up.
He hasn't had any major health scares yet, but I know it's only a matter of time. My dad died from complications due to diabetes, and his last few years were painful to watch. I am so angry with my husband right now that my main concern is having to deal with him as he follows the same path.
Doctors would be appalled, but I think the medications for type 2 do more harm than good. The disease still progresses, but they mask the symptoms so people can continue to do nothing to change their lifestyle. I'm not blaming the diabetic. The disease is difficult to control and is largely genetic, but folks have to try to do what they can to prevent complications for as long as possible.
I doubt ur husband will see 80. Start planning for yourself. Get POA for DH. Get a DNR order in place. A Will to protect you.