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I felt terrible in the beginning for lying to my Mom. Not anymore. I had a teen son that died in 2014. Mom’s mind was good then so she knew he passed. Some days she asks where he is & I NEVER remind her that he died. (This is he one thing I’ve not felt guilty over.) One day she wouldn’t accept that he was “busy”. She kept on and on. Finally I said, “I’m not sure what he’s doing, he’s not home right now.” She practically yelled, “Don’t you keep up with your kids?” I told her he was grown now, not little anymore. She looked at me like I was totally crazy.
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Hi.
my mom 88 (and dad deceased 2015 at 92) live in assisted living. and I'm the trustee and DPOA for her(& dad)

and I know what you mean about telling untruths to them. it is a awkward feeling and you feel like a "liar"

but what you are doing is keeping the waters calm.

there is no other way unfortunately, because you can not reason with them.

once I put my mom and dad in AL, they would constantly want to go back home because they knew it was costing money. and so they would worry they were going to run out of money.
my dad would worry someone was breaking into his home (because it was vacant) I had to constantly reassure him I was checking on it everyday (I was) AND he would look at me like I was a stupid fool! I'd better take him home right now! someones breaking all the windows! etc.

I think its hard for them to "give up" all their power, independence (finances/life) and now you are in charge of everything.

I just really had to step up. tell my Mom/Dad. Its ok Im taking care of EVERYTHING. and I was!

so if anything did happen to go wrong, you think I'd tell him? No! :)

so don't try over explaining it wont help. just let your dad know. Its ok Dad, everythings good, I'll let you know if I need anything. But everything is being taken care of. I guess I could go on and on. im not a good writer in these forums. so sorry

But ive been doing this since 2011. dealing with Alzhiemers/dementia. Im not an expert. just learning how to deal with it as I go along. and learning new things all the time.

PS the repeated questions wont stop. you also need to learn to re-direct/change the subject.
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