Over the past few days I have come to the realisation that DH needs to go into permanent care. He has had a big decline. He is difficult to deal with, belligerent and has started wandering off. Refuses to eat food prepared at home. Wants to go to restaurants which of course he cannot do. Wants to buy a boat etc etc. I have informed care home to start the process and put him on their permanent residence list but this could be months.
He was so bad today that I have had to call Commonwealth carers for emergency respite care until a permanent place is found. I wish I could say this upsets me but it doesn’t. I have reached my limit.
commonwealth Carers will find placement until he can be placed in the home he has been going to for respite
This won't be easy. You will have moments of great pain and great grief in which you will look for some ONE or some THING to blame. That's called normal. There is no upside quite honestly to the losses of age, and those who write platitudes about it just tired me out. But this is the right decision.
Now. About the going to restaurants. Once Dad is settled in, give a restaurant warning, and be ready to leave if you must, but other than that, take Dad out to eat. I can't imagine a life without the HOPE of a trip to Billy Reed's in Palm Springs for Fish and Chips and a glass of white wine.
If the CG is worn out, it’s an especially lose-lose situation for the CG and patient. He’ll have more support there physically and you don’t need to live every day like you are walking on eggshells and waiting for the next shoe to drop when you are already exhausted.
You’ve given your best shot and then some and it’s perfectly ok for you to feel or not feel any way that you want.
Placement is the hardest decision to make for all of us. Some never get there for a variety of reasons, even though they know this cannot work at home any longer.
When I decided I was done, let twisteds know. Their reply was but we wanted to wait until October, five more months. It wasn't even my mom that caused the decision, it was the twisteds. Their continued accusations, their complete lack of caring, complete lack of offering any sort of emotional support or hands on assistance.
Nope, I was done. They then found out how sick mom was. They preferred their denial.
So, panda, a permanent place will be found soon. Great that you have the option for respite until that can be completed. Here the only option for so many that just CANNOT any more is to refuse to take the patient home from the hospital. Many have had to resort to that.
Take care of you, relax as much as you can during this time.
Joy, hubby is in rehab now. You know he will not improve enough for you to continue care. But, you say you cannot provide the care much longer. Make your decision now. Do not take him home from rehab. Let the social worker help you with finding a permanent placement and solution. If you take him home the cycle will start all over again. You are half way there now. Do not turn back.
I hope the extra support kicks in quickly and is helpful. What will CC offer?