I moved back home 2.5 years ago to take care of my father. He was a different person from who I once knew. Multiple serious health problems, abandoned by his wife, and he was also suffering from mental issues which took the form of compulsive shopping and hoarding.
It was a rough 2.5 years because he was very stubborn and refused help most of the time and even said he preferred living alone which hurt my feelings. Inspite of it all, I would do it all over again.
I had great anxiety and experienced panic attacks and chest pains after dad was placed in hopice because the outlook was grime and I knew I was going to get the last "call".
Dad passed on Monday, 3/18/24 after 10 pm in hospice. It feels like a dream. I keep telling myself my dad is gone. The only thing that gives me peace of mind is knowing he is finally out of his suffering and sadness. I am relieved for him and relieved for me.
Thanks to all who gave their insights. It helped to know I was not alone.
It's often said that you can never repay your parents for the sacrifices they made raising you.
At least, your father at some level, would have gone knowing that he was loved by his child.
You gave your father a precious parting gift. Never forget that.
Take your time to grieve. I know I still am.
Give yourself time to grieve.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad November 1 and it still feels like a dream - really a nightmare so I understand how you feel.
My dad suffered from prostate cancer. We knew he had cancer but
He hid from us that the cancer progressed to stage 4. He was an incredibly strong 85 yr old man - still serving as a mentor to kids in our community, still working out 4x a week, and still an active board member at several colleges and high schools. He was an extremely accomplished former athlete and business man.
Being a super independent and fiercely prideful man, he refused to let us accompany him to the doctor and due to HIPPA, information about what was truly going on was not available to us .
I dance between being angry that he hid a lot from us and being extremely sad because I miss him so much. I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt. My head knows there was nothing I can do but my heart will always feel like if I tried harder or dug deeper and asked more questions, I could’ve saved
him…. at least extended his life possibly convince him to undergo treatments.
He chose to do things his way though- no surgeries, chemotherapy , or radiation that would make him sick and diminish his quality of life. Nope, that was of no interest to him. He wanted to live life til the end. I struggle accepting that .
Losing a parent is the worst pain I’ve ever felt but I too have peace knowing that he is no longer suffering and hiding his pain. I have strong faith and I also believe that he’s in a much better place - a beautiful place where he’s strong and healthy again .
I tell you all this because I want you to know that you’re not alone. Our dad’s didn’t leave us. We can’t see them in the flesh but they walk beside us every day smiling…..never too far…..
My mother passed away the same year, a few months after my dad.
I understand it feels like a dream, more like a nightmare. It is difficult to believe that this person that was your parent, is really gone. Yes, there is peace of mind knowing that there is no more suffering, no more pain for your dad. I know that you miss your dad. I miss my parents daily.
Wishing you comfort, peace of mind and good days to come your way.
You’re a wonderful daughter.
Job well done.
Thinking of you. 😊
I am so sorry for your loss.
You described perfectly what many of us feel towards the end of our parents’ lives. They definitely aren’t the same people that they used to be.
So, in a sense we start to grieve the parents we knew long before they die. Then, we continue our grief after their physical bodies die.
Wishing you peace as you mourn for your dad. I am glad that you take comfort knowing that he is no longer suffering.
I have to say that I felt relieved when my parents died. Did I grieve? Did I miss them? Of course, I did and I still miss them, but I was relieved to know that they were out of their misery and finally at peace.