I realize that this is a trivial caregiver issue. But as a caregiver, I've been getting a bit sad lately that I can't ever wear my nicer clothes at home because they'll inevitably get stained and ruined fast. I'm not talking about designer clothing, sometimes I just want to look presentable to myself. Sometimes I want to feel uplifted and wear something pretty at home. But wearing jeans and sweats and T-shirts and and tennis shoes seems to have become my daily drab uniform. I'm so tired of looking as run down as I feel.
Besides the usual caregiver self-care routine of enough sleep, good nutrition, exercise, occasional outings for fun - how do you manage to look okay to yourself while you're actively caregiving? Is it even possible?
Should I lower my expectations about this, too?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts about this.
In my defense , I like to be comfy when I know I will be home all day . I do have designated comfy clothes that are not pjs ! He just can’t tell the difference for some reason .
I have developed my own personal style which is best described as boho meets french girl style.
And changed my hair, a little more highlights, kept it longer.
I feel good, lots of compliments along with criticism of some, how dare I care about myself while my husband is so sick?
I hear you about the ‘ sleep comfort’. DH says that 1/2 the time he can’t tell if I’m wearing Pjs or clothes when I’m home .
Pjs vs make an effort 🤔
I have compromised haha & found the most comfy sloppy pants, yet black, sloppy top but nice pretty scarf. Slip-on shoes.
I am very tempted to stay in but life is short. Why not celebrate someone's birthday when you can!
(My vibe is less 'smart casual' - more 'sleep comfort').
apologies for my cranky reply to you (but to clarify I have no intention of dressing as a Stepford wife).
C'mon, puuleeze stop with the "just wear prettier clothes and make-up" stuff.
Enough already with that BS
As far as my brother that a whole other story, I had to threaten to call APS on him because he was praying away my nephews eating disorder.
Disfuctional families are wonderful. 😂
I didn't think Fibromyalgia was a real disease either! I was totally skeptical when my neurologist diagnosed me with this. I thought I just had extreme caregiver burnout and I made the appointment to request a more effective medication for my migraines.
So when he examined me and said it's Fibromyalgia I said "Whaaaa??" He gave me some prescriptions and I thought WTH I'll try them....lo and behold they are helping me So Much.
I also got a book recently written by doctors at the Mayo Clinic specifically about Fibromyalgia- they've got real "cred" as far as I'm concerned. So yeah, it's a real medical condition but not a disease, per se.
It sounds like your brother won't even consider Fibromyalgia - but if his symptoms worsen he may become more open to seeing a Neurologist who could possibly help him (?).....
So I said to her I'm not gonna tell him, and I'm sure my sister is going to tell him. Mom said thanks! Lol
It would be ironic if my brother gets diagnosed with a fake deasses, anyways. LoL
Anyways, glad things are going better for you!
Maybe suggest to your brother that he schedule an appointment with either a neurologist or a rheumatologist. According to the Mayo Clinic, doctors with these specific specialties are the very best at diagnosing Fibromyalgia, which is difficult to diagnose. They can also rule out other possible conditions. They are also the most experienced at treating Fibromyalgia.
The only downside is that your brother may have to wait months to see a specialist. The earliest appointment I was able make with my neurologist was six months in the future. But the wait was worth it.
Very sorry to hear about your brother's long covid and I hope he recovers soon.
Actually after reading about your migraines and stuff, I'm wondering about my brother.
Sence he has had covid he has had horrible headaches, and neck pain. Physical therapy, chiropractor, not much is helping.
Your comments are appreciated. My neurologist prescribed several medications that are already helping me tremendously for the migraines, and for the muscle pain and exhaustion. He also recommended an over the counter supplement that helps me sleep better. I'm waking up in the mornings and feeling so much better! Yay.
Let us know more about it as you learn more, and how to treat it, and through out your journey
I suspect keep your stress level down is one of the many things they say, to do, maybe now you have an excuse to make sure you don't over stress.
Best of luck
My update:
So hello fellow exhausted and depressed caregivers who need respite but can't arrange it. You'all warned me that my health would suffer without respite - and it has.
Just thought I'd mention that what I thought was just extreme caregiver burnout was recently diagnosed by a neurologist as Fibromyalgia - which I hadn't even realized is a bona fide medical thing. The cause of Fibromyalgia isn't exactly known, but stress and lack of sleep and depression are considered to be factors to cause it. Luckily, Fibromyalgia isn't a deadly disease, but once it starts it's a chronic condition that can flare up from lack of sleep and stress.
So in case you are wondering if you might have Fibromyalgia here are the most common symptoms:
-extreme fatigue that doesn't go away
-trouble sleeping
-pain in muscles and joints that moves around
-brain fog
-headaches/migraines
More associated symptoms:
-depression
-IBS - problems with gut function
-women get it more often than men
-excessive heavy lifting and/or physical activity
It's possible to have Fibromyalgia and caregiver burnout at the same time. :-)
I completely gave up on humanity. I couldn't even ask a question because I didn't think anyone would care enough to answer.
I want you to do what is best for you!! Even though I would miss the hell outta you!!
I've tried to cut back, and only answer questions that mean something to me. When I answer a question about, why does my mom treat me so badly, or whatever, it helps remind me why I can't go back to the person I was and actually helps me, if not more that the OP. But that's,Where I am in life right now.
I love your stories, and I love the person you are.
I won't tell you to stay , like I said I want what's best for you, but I will say, please check in from time to time, if you do decide to leave.
Someone needs to hold the line on answering to AI.
Your list of questions look a lot like AI questions.
"What will happen to my loved one"
"What will the end look like"
"When will the end come"
These questions differ greatly from a real person wanting a real connection.
It is a waste of our time and experience.
We know you.
We need to hear from real persons, known to the posters on the forum.
If you need to cut back, do that, yes!
If someone cannot be an 'expert' at avoiding a fake AI poster, go by your gut and your experience. No need to identify or discuss the intruder, just ignore.
By the time I post this, AI will have edited my post.
Please stay with us, only as long as you are able.
To be honest, the questions we get here are questions that, for the most part have no answers.
"What will happen to my loved one"
"What will the end look like"
"When will the end come"
"I am so exhausted and have no help"
and it goes on in a like manner--I find a 100 different ways to say "You cannot know" and "Not everything can be fixed".
I understand that caregivers live in an almost perpetual anxious state waiting for the next shoe to drop and trying to preplan what to do about that shoe when it does.
Honestly I am about at the end of trying to have any answers at all. There just seems not to be any other than "You didn't break it. It isn't fixable. And you can't do a thing about it."
🌸🌼🌻
I found some A-line shift dresses (cotton knit with POCKETS sewn in the side seams) on sale with a catalog order company. They were inexpensive enough that I ordered several in a variety of prints and colors. They are machine wash and dry. The prints help hide stains so I don't worry about getting them dirty and ruining them working around the house. They feel cooler in this hot weather and are very comfy.
I feel less haglike and more girlie when I put on one of those, add some tinted moisturizer to my face, a dab of lip gloss and a spritz of rosewater from a local healthfood store. I put my comfortable but cute sandals on and I feel fresh, feminine and it gives me a boost. Not much effort involved, but makes a big difference in how I feel.
Buying an inexpensive face mask at the drug store, or hair mask and taking a few extra minutes to do once in a while before my shower when I have the time helps me feel a little pampered, too, and makes a small improvement. I opted for a simple easy care haircut , so it looks okay without much time or fussing involved. My hair is collarbone length so I have a few pretty clips to put it back or up somedays. Leave in conditioner helps cut out a step in the shower and helps the appearance of my hair.
I suppose I have lowered my expectations somewhat. It is a different stage of life with different demands. We just have to do the best we can with different priorities. I am more focused now on how something makes me FEEL rather than how I LOOK. A cooling rose spray, or a dab of lavender oil or jasmine makes me feel pretty and lifts my spirits, so then the resulting smile makes me look better, too! (((Hugs)))
Neighbor stopped in a bit ago , and after he texted me. Said I don't want you to think I'm a creepy neighbor, but dam , what ever you're doing keep doing it.
I think it's cleaning 2 homes, water a zillion plants and worked a lot on my posture after I ruptured a disk.
Maybe stress is good for me. I've always been a bit backwards. 😆
Been left looking like Groucho Marx a few times 😩
My daughter taught me to shape better via youtube videos & to dye them myself using men's beard dye. 5mins on & wash off & the one box lasts like a year. So much cheaper! Yes, time for a brow re-do tomorrow. Thankyou ladies!! I am feeling refreshed already!