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Every time someone says "If I don't see you again, have a great weekend" I respond with "Well, what kind of weekend should I have if you DO see me again?" 🙂
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I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get "saved" or else you will "burn".

Stupid firemen.
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Dad: Did you know that the people living nearby actually can't be buried in that cemetery?

Kid: Why?

Dad: Because they're not dead yet.
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🙂 "I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!"
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"If a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

It's a crime either way cos if they go willingly, you end up with a kid napping.
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"Anyone can get buried when they die, if you want to be cremated you have to urn it."
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"I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs."
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🙂 "What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name."
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"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
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🙃 “If you’re normal, the crowd will accept you. If you’re deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.”
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🌼🌼🌸🌸
“I’m so passionate about not being passionate. It’s my biggest passion.”
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A narcoleptic vents about problems due to brain fog.

A list of the impact of brain fog on my daily life is possible, but I can't remember all the examples. All I can say is that some have been funny but not all.

Someone without narcolepsy responds.

Well, one is a senior citizen, and dementia, cognitive decline, neurodivergent conditions plus other things can create brain fog. When did you last see your doctor?

Narcoleptic responds.

I don't remember.
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A husband’s last words should always be:

“OK, buy it.”
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Thank God I don’t have to hunt for my food, I don’t even know where tacos live…
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I got food poisoning today.
I don’t know when I’ll use it.
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I hate it when people text me “K”.
I’m very rarely in the mood to talk about potassium.
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🙂 “The worst thing about eating an entire block of cheese by yourself is everything I just said.”
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🙃 "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." 
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“If God didn't want us to eat cows he shouldn't have made them so easy to catch! You don't see anybody eating cheetah burgers do you? They may be delicious but we'll never know!”
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"My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I don't know how much she charges him though."
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🙂 “I find that ducks' opinions of me are very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.”
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🙂 “Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
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🙂 "Even if they discovered that kale is the cure for cancer, I'd still be like, 'Yeah I'll take the chemo.'"
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"I walked my dog all at once. Walked him from Boston to Ft. Lauderdale and back, and said 'There...now you're done.'"
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"I bought myself a parrot, the parrot talked, but it did not say “I’m hungry”… so it died.."
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🙂 "I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations I’ve traveled to, but first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down."
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"The bible should be one sheet of paper, and on that sheet of paper it should say 'Try not to be a jerk.' "
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"£3 million for the funeral of Margret Thatcher?

For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person."
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🙂 “I am a man of my word. And that word is unreliable.”
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A relative ends their email to another relative, "I still love (name) and (name).

That relative responds, "We never questioned or doubted it for a second and we love you more."
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