Follow
Share
Read More
I think I read that 5 times before I got it🙃
(0)
Report

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for Fresh Prince.
(3)
Report

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
(5)
Report

I Googled "how to start a wildfire".

I got 48,500 matches.
(5)
Report

Life is short.
Smile while you still have teeth.
(3)
Report

Buzzy,
Technically, under the rules of abbreviations, that would be:
CWAFO.

In the U.S., the abbreviation CEO usually denotes Chief Executive Officer.
(0)
Report

Hatch, match and despatch, Buzzy?

Actually it's a fine tradition. Back in the day when they were trying to make everyone behave but not start too many arguments (or create more work than most vicars were prepared to put in) they settled on minimum attendance of Christmas, Easter and Whitsun and that was all you had to do. Good ol' C of E, so *practical.*
(0)
Report

A little comment on the last few jokes. :)

As a Brit I would be a C.W.F.A.O.
Christening, Weddings And Funerals Only. ;)
(0)
Report

A pastor joked about a "CEO" christian.
What is a CEO christian you ask?

One who goes to church Christmas and Easter only!
~~~
When I repeated this joke to another pastor, I was accused of "coarse jesting".
The author of this joke was none other than Greg Laurie, of Harvest Crusades fame.

Then, the same critical pastor said to me: "You know, you are the same as a CEO christian, not coming to church".

I answered him: "No, I am not a CEO christian, because I no longer go to church at all, not even Christmas and Easter."
(1)
Report

I work out religiously—Christmas and Easter.
(1)
Report

How do trees get online?
They just log in.
(5)
Report

Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.
(4)
Report

Wesson.
(3)
Report

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?”
(7)
Report

Hope you have time to read this one.

Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following: 

The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded". 

Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions. 

Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven. 

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
(12)
Report

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!


Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
(5)
Report

The cross eyed teacher got fired. Couldn't control her pupils
(5)
Report

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where the guy's truck leaves him too.
(6)
Report

Q. A horse attached to a 24-foot chain sees an apple 26 feet away.

How can the horse reach the apple?

A. The horse just walks over to it, taking the chain with him—the chain isn't attached to anything!
(4)
Report

I watched my dog chase his tail for 5 minutes and thought, "Dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized, I just watched my dog chase his tail for 5 minutes.
(10)
Report

I'll tell you something about German sausages.
They're the wurst.
(5)
Report

If you find it hard to get someone a present at Christmas.
Get them a fridge.
Then watch their face light up when they open it.
(6)
Report

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A Cloud.
(6)
Report

The toilets in the police station were stolen last week. The cops still have nothing to go on.
(10)
Report

If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?
(6)
Report

A bit longer but stick it out. :)

A boy and his Father visiting from a third world country were at an American shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his Father, "What is this Father?".

The Father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don`t know what it is!".

While the boy and his Father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a
wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out.

The Father said to his son, "Go get your Mother".
(5)
Report

"Hey Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No son, I got them all cut."
(5)
Report

Last words of a highly poisonous snake?
 
"Drat, I bit myself on the tongue!"
(5)
Report

An elderly husband says to his wife, "I've been texting you all day and you didn't answer." His wife says, "Dear, that's the calculator."
(3)
Report

I needed a password eight characters long.
So I picked - Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
(4)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter