I live with my parents one of which is getting alzheimer's just like my grandmother so I know I am next.. She drinks and gets angry at me spontaniously and doesnt forget that but forgets she repeats herself. She has no problem talking to me about my illness but when I try and explain to her that I too feel helpless to help her as she is to help me she gets angry at me. I know that I have to be here for them to take care of them but I barely can care for myself and my brother and sister are four states away living their own lives. I sometimes feel so hopeless no hope to help myself or my parents. She is on meds to try and slow the progression of the disease but they arent working and i dont know of any other meds out there to suggest as I am not a doctor frustrated as everytime I start to feel ok they get angry with me and it makes me slip down again. I live with guilt for wanting to be on my own to have my own life that I know will never be mine. My life is not my own and never has been.
I would like to encourage you by telling you a little about myself. I was born with one hand to an alcoholic father, and a borderline personality disorder/narcissistic mother. My sis is probably worse than my mum and feels I should be doing more for my mum too, but she will not help. I have had various health issues, and still have some, for which there is no obvious treatment i.e. chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia, and have been on antidepressants. Thankfully I am OK ff them now, One thing that was obvious to me is that I would not get better as long as I had the stress of my mother's anger, and incessant need to attention, heaped on me, so I needed to protect myself from that. I think you need the same, and believe me, it is possible to do that. - not easy, but possible. No one can do it for you, though support from counsellors, groups like Alanon, and places like this are invaluable. My question to you is "Do you really want a life of your own?", because no one can claim it for you except you. We are here to support you if you do want it. Others here have gotten out of situations similar to yours.
More (((((((hugs)))))))) Joan
Please contact a social worker. They can help you find assistance for both you and your loved ones. Finally, call your siblings and tell them they have to help. There is not any reason it has to all fall on your shoulders. They can come in for a weekend every other month or so to help. That will give you a short "take care of yourself" break. My sister works and lives 6 hours away. Her husband is not in great shape, but she manages to come over here about once a month just so I can sleep. A few weeks ago when I was watching my father's health fail while he was in the hospital, she & her husband drove over here for a few hours just to give me a hug & take my mother to get dinner. I call her almost every day to get a warm hello. There are ways your siblings can help from far away.
I really feel for you. I take care of a family member with severe Alzheimers too at home. The one thing I would personally recommend is getting help for yourself. You won't be able to help your parents in the best way you can unless you take care of yourself first and foremost. It can be a hard step to take, but believe me it is an absolutely necessary one. I had to seek help myself from the depression and overwhelming emotions I have been experiencing because of being a caregiver. I was actually embarrassed to have to go to mental health to get help because I figured I should be able to cope myself, but the sooner I actually admitted to myself that I couldn't do it alone and sought the help I really needed the sooner I started learning coping mechanisms that help me get through the tougher days. Have you tried writing in a journal as a way to release some of the stress inside? How about music or reading? I know it may not seem important, but you have to have an outlet for your feelings. Thankfully, you found this place to let it out and vent too. I know holding all that stress inside is very bad for you. I pray you get the help you need. Remember, you deserve to feel better too. God bless you for all you are doing to help your parents. We all know how hard it is to take care of those who need constant help.
When I had agoraphobia, I battled it every day. I used to have a rally cry of "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I don't think I could have gotten well if I hadn't. I also had the help of an antidepressant and benzodiazepine while I was going through it. They helped a lot until I got back on my feet. The bouts of panic made me stronger in some ways and weaker in others.
Taking care of elder parents can be so depressing itself. I mainly suffer from a feeling of discouragement about it. So much rides on the shoulder of the caregiver, and it can be a thankless task. Sometimes when I hear someone say that I am so wonderful to do this for my mother, I smile and say thank you, but inside I am thinking "Oh, bite me." It is very stressful living life for other people.
I know how you are feeling, and I have a feeling for your family dynamics. The answers are not easy, but I do know that you are going to have to decide what you need to do to help yourself. If you aren't seeing a doctor, it is the first step. If you are afraid to leave the house, then feel the fear and do it anyway! Do the things you need to do to feel better. Take the medicine, get out in the sun, make yourself drive as far as you can, go for walks, and put on your rubber suit when it comes to your parents. If they have always been negative people, it will probably continue. Let your mother's words bounce off you and know that you are getting better.
When you are able, it may help to move. I know how hard that is, though, so it is good to get better first. Big hugs coming your way. (Agoraphobia support groups are also good for learning to fight the fear. Just getting out is the key.)