My mom lived with me for the past 7 months. She had COPD and congestive heart failure. She was intubated 5 times in 4 months. She spent time in rehab. Due to all the intubations she lost her ability to walk. Her heart was only pumping at 15%. Once I brought her home I had hospice step in. One evening she couldn't breath. She had signed a DNR so I called hospice and they started her on morphine. A week or so later she was getting agitated so they started her on ativan. She died 2 weeks ago and I feel like I killed her by letting them give her the drugs. I can't function at all. Has anyone else gone through this?
My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know its hard. I'm still doubting myself and its been 10.5 months. Listen to the wonderful folks here. Be kind to yourself and try to access as many supports as needed. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
More hugs!!
So sorry you are grieving so hard, and doubting yourself.
Getting help for yourself, like the doctor has suggested, would be a good thing?
My FIL did not go gracefully either. He had many desperate operations in his last year and turned up his O2 much higher than prescribed for relief. We were so relieved when he finally agreed to hospice and stopped struggling. He was finally able to rest.... You did the right thing.
I felt the same as you after my mom died from Alzheimer's back in Feb. She stopped eating and could no longer swallow food or liquids. It was her time to go. But I kept beating myself up thinking that there must have been something else I could have done. Like your mom, my mom was getting morphine and ativan from hospice. Every time she got another dose, my little voice of self doubt wondered if it was the right thing. But deep in my heart and in my head, I know it was her time and I was there to make sure she went without pain.
Hugs to you. Give yourself time, and go easy on yourself.
For what it's worth, I think the death of a loved one is such a traumatic blow that it's common to keep asking ourselves afterwards "What if I had done this, or not done that?" It's so hard to accept what happened that we keep going over it in our minds thinking there could have been a different outcome. I lost one of my sisters about a year ago and I went through a period of torturing myself with "if only's" even though I had no control over her care or her medical decisions at all. It's normal, but that doesn't make it any less painful, and I'm sorry that you're going through this now even though I understand it.
You'll find lots of caring and support here. I always have.
Are you ready for some love, understanding, and hugs?
Here they come!
Here is your first hug! {{{{HUG!}}}}
You came to the right place!
There are a few 'hospice threads' already, but I feel that your intent is not to accuse hospice, but to feel better about your good decisions that were made to accommodate
your Motger's final days, that came too soon for you because of the serious nature of her illness. And you have questions, and need a friend who understands, and need a community of caregivers who have gone through what you have, and still are...
So sorry for your loss. Keep checking back, you can add to your questions, get answers, and a few understanding friends who are on your side!
Welcome!
you caused or hastened your mom's death? Unbearable!
Call hospice. They have social workers, chaplains and other support personnel who can help you through this painful and difficult time.
Hospice eases pain and agitation. They don't kill people.
My mom lived with me for the past 7 months. She had COPD and congestive heart failure. She was intubated 5 times in 4 months. She spent time in rehab. Due to all the intubations she lost her ability to walk. Her heart was only pumping at 15%. Once I brought her home I had hospice step in. One evening she couldn't breath. She had signed a DNR so I called hospice and they started her on morphine. A week or so later she was getting agitated so they started her on ativan. She died 2 weeks ago and I feel like I killed her by letting them give her the drugs. I can't function at all. Has anyone else gone through this?